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When (not if) we are faced with leaving a ministry, as staff or volunteer, it is vital that we do so in a manner worthy of the God we serve.  Period.  What I have learned over the past 25 years is that we can leave well or not well.

Leaving a ministry is part of being in ministry.  Every exit is different, unique in it’s details, but there are similarities.  Here are 4 tips on leaving well in ministry:

1,  Don’t make promises you won’t/can’t/shouldn’t keep

For example, “I’ll come back and visit” or “you can call or email me whenever you want.”  People will cling to these statements emotionally and be hurt again in the future when they’re not fulfilled.  If you’re planning to visit again next year or vacation or something, that’s fine, but don’t tell them just so they will feel better.  Do your best to make it a clean break for the sake of the ministry and the next person who takes the position.

2.  Never bad talk anyone especially if you’re leaving with tension.

You don’t have to support various decision and people, but don’t tear the ministry apart even further just so you feel like you’ve had the final say and you got your revenge.  Leave with grace.

If you are not the senior pastor but an associate pastor and leaving due to a moral failure of the senior pastor or some other lack of integrity, apply Matthew 18.

3.  Pass the Baton

When leaving a pastoral position do everything you can to ensure a smooth transition. Every new leader will do things differently but I do like to leave a notebook including everything I can think of that I would have appreciated having when I was new.  This includes giving a list of names and phone numbers of people in your ministry as well as computer pass codes, mailing labels, etc.

When I left the college pastor position at UCSD we had an end of the year banquet/party and I praised the incoming staff and told the students how much they would love he and his wife.  I communicated excitement about him and this began to prepare the way for the new relationships.

Before starting as college pastor at Skyline Wesleyan Church Pastor Tim Elmore preached a sermon on women in ministry and spoke of our relationship which helped prepare the way for my arrival.

4.  Once  you leave, it’s hands off.

Don’t contact people to see if you’re missed or entertain those who contact you to continue with some follow up complaints. And when a new person takes over and people contact you about how different it is (because it will be) always encourage them to be positive and support the new leader.

You may not know where you are going next.  You may be clueless, without any leads.  No matter what you know, you have to trust that God will take care of you.  This trust might be with your finances, with your job, with your reputation or something else.  Regardless of what happened (good or bad, right or wrong), God is bigger than the situation.  God is bigger than your worries.  God is biger than your bills.  God is bigger than everything.  He will take care of you.  It may not always be comfortable, but God will provide.

Maintain  level of integrity that will bring glory to God.

There was a time in my youth when I was so naïve and full of innocence that I couldn’t imagine a Christian in leadership blowing it big time. Sure I believed we were all sinners saved by grace but I assumed that learning from mistakes always resulted in growth and holiness, especially someone in Christian leadership.  This may be true but in reality as we rise in leadership the privileges and temptations increase.  I didn’t understand that in life a leader will sometimes take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back.  Sometimes a leader will fall out of the race altogether.

One of the greatest challenges we all face in leadership is how to handle power. Power does something to us. It is a seduction not unlike the strong undertow I have seen in the ocean.  It is a reality. It is forceful. It is dangerous. It is a force you must know how to swim away from.  Refusing the seduction of misusing power is a similar task. There is a lot at stake…sometimes not just your own life but many others. Power can be used for good or evil.

 I recall a time at a youth beach retreat that I drifted out in the ocean. The sun was warm and bright and the ocean so inviting as I lay on my raft.  I must have dozed a little and before I knew it I was out deeper than my friends and fighting the current. My desire or plan was not to drift. But it happened.

It‘s easy for a person in a leadership role to become accustomed to feeling that because he has “earned” privileges, he actually deserves them.  And it’s only a short step from feeling you deserve them to demanding them. This has been innate in the downfall of many leaders. 

The seduction of power can suck us in its grasp. A Christian leader often has the resources to do what he wishes.  He usually has the staff and people around him to carry out his purposes. In addition, he may also have the authority to do what he wishes.  Unfortunately the higher up a leader climbs the less accountability he may choose.  

In the book of II Samuel, Chapter 11, we see this is true of David.  As you read this story you see that David had the authority, personnel and money to pull this off.  Though God desired him to use these privileges for good, David used them to take advantage of others. 

Sometime ago a trusted Christian leader in an organization put one of his younger staff in a position of service at a church. The staff person did such a great job that soon he was asked by the church Sr. Pastor to consider extending his commitment for 5-10 more years.  As he was praying through that decision a few weeks later it was discovered that there were many indiscretions in the church pastor he was serving…abuse of people, finances, distortion, and dysfunction of every kind imaginable.  After the pastor was discovered he demanded that the staff person keep quiet about all he had learned.  When he realized that the integrity of this servant would not allow him to conform to his wishes he placed the same demands on the Christian leader over the servant.  The pastor threatened to run the organization out of the city if they did not go along with his demands.  Unfortunately this organizational director was afraid of losing some of his power and potential influence so he gave into the demands of this pastor which included throwing the young staff under the bus. The Christian leader attempted to cover up what he was doing but truth has a way of coming out eventually. He was seduced by power and lost.

Whether abuse of power involves sexual immorality, financial or political, not doing the right thing is a disregard for the Scriptures that warn:  You have been given freedom; not freedom to do wrong, but freedom to love and serve one another. Galatians 5:13

Have you ever been affected by misuse of leadership privileges? 

 I respect and appreciate so many things about Bill Hybels. A few I want to mention are…his love for God, his passion, his love for those outside the church and his heart to help dying churches.   Another quality he has that is like a breath air is his lack of pretense. Bill is honest and transparent in the pulpit and out.  I love that.

Yesterday Bill Hylels launched the Leadership Summit at Willow Creek by teaching a session titled “Leading in a New Reality.” Here are some of the highlights of his talk …

Has God put a new vision on your heart that is HUGE?  Are you excited and terrified at the same time?  Do you feel like your passion for Him is so on fire you will burn up if you don’t share about Jesus with others?  Have you survived a period of brokenness and come out on top?  Do you wake up excited about co-laboring with Christ in ministry to the world?  Do you feel like He is enlarging your territory?  Do you have a burden to reach the lost?  Have you recently re-surrendered your life to God and said “I’m yours Lord, where ever you lead me I will go.”  If you answered yes to any of these questions, this post is especially for you.  Please sit down, grab a cup of coffee and read on.

Satan is ticked off!  At you.  He hates you. He is scared of the vision God has given you.  He is scared of your faith, passion and willingness to be used by God.  He is scared of your surrender, your brokkeness and especially your burden to reach the lost.  You are going after people that are currently his.  The enemy is scared of any Christian leader that will co-labor with the King of Kings.  Don’t think for a minute that he will go down without a fight. Remember Scripture teaches he is going down. Because Greater is He that is in us, than he that is in the world.  But the fact remains if you answered yes to any of the questions above and you are a pastor or missionary you will experience spiritual warfare on a magnitude that most people cannot identify with.  

Satan concentrates on pastors, missionaries and other Christian leaders because he knows if he can get them he may also influence thousands of others by his diabolical plan.  The Word teaches he will attempt to keep people from trusting Christ in the first place. But if they do embrace Jesus, he makes every attempt to keep them from growing and developing.  If he is not successful at that, he will spend years in an effort to cause the Christian to fall. 

Sometimes one of the most weakest areas for a Christian leader is to continually yield hour by hour to God’s Holy Spirit.  We get busy “serving the Lord” and doing so many things that we can began to cheat our personal communion time with Him.  We are not keeping the communication lines open with God as Scripture commands us.  When we do this we are no longer plugged into the power. Ministry will cease to be an overflow of our walk with the Lord.  Instead it becomes a task that we do in the flesh.  We depend on gifting and experience vs. the power of the Holy Spirit.  Sometimes ministry can come between you and God. Please don’t allow this.  When that happens you are wide open for the enemy to attack head on.  You are no match for that battle.  But Jesus in you is.  We must rely on Christ vs. ourselves  for the battle to be won.

I believe Satan often temps us in an area where we seem most vulnerable.  This can be different with each person.  If you have issues with pride, jealously, insecurity, anger, fear or other undesirable traits, he may zero in on those weak areas.  If he can’t get you then he will go after those closest to you.  He will go after your spouse or children. He may go after your inner circle or your team. 

Although we are assured of victory, we must engage in the struggle until Christ comes, because Satan is going to battle against all who are on the Lord’s side.  We need supernatural power to defeat Satan and God has provided that in His Holy Spirit within us and His armor.  (Ephesians 6:10-20)  When (not if) you become discouraged in the battle, remember Jesus words to Peter:  Upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell shall not preail against it.  Matthew 16:18

Are you putting your armor on every day?

Last night Aaron, my 11 year old, had a nightmare.  In summary he dreamed that we were in a war but it was not bloody or gory.  The weapons were bow and arrows and swords.  Though the world was in danger most people were not aware a battle was going on. He, our family and many others were being attacked by a mob that had the bow and arrows. Aaron was afraid. We only had dull swords that did not seem to cut anything.  But when he would swing the sword through the opponent’s body they would turn into something different, a new person who became a “good guy.”  The battle was intense. At times the “good guys” thought they were winning and then the “bad guys” would return in supernatural numbers.  The good guys were losing the battle and decided to send Aaron off to the mountains to get a new strategy. In the mountains he found a huge book. The book was huge and required five to carry it.  From the mountain top they opened the book and held it up.  A bright light shined down on the battle field and there was a red cross in the middle of the light.  Our injured were healed and the battle was won. 

Aaron’s dream was another reminder to me that we are indeed in a war.  Throughout scripture we are taught that the enemy will always come after the leader’s family.  I was also reminded of this in a blog today by Pastor Perry Noble.  www.PerryNoble.com  Here is a summary of his post…

“In Matthew 10:34-39 Jesus clearly tells those He has called and gifted your life is not going to be one of relaxation and enjoyment on a consistent basis. 

It amazes me the number of times Jesus clearly told people in the Gospels that following would cause controversies and divisions.  It you want a nice, quiet, peaceful life; the ministry is not a place for that.  We will experience family problems, we will experience emotional problems, and we will experience spiritual warfare on a magnitude that most people cannot identify with.

When we begin to do effective ministry the target on our backs for every demon in Hell to take a shot at gets larger and larger so if peace, prosperity and niceness is something we achieve to, ministry should not be the road we go down. 

Jesus never promised us a peaceful life this side of eternity.  In fact, He promised the opposite.  We should not be surprised when all hell breaks loose…because it usually means the stage is being set for God to show how AWESOME He really is.” 

What has been your experience with spiritual warfare? 

We will continue with this topic ‘Ministry Ain’t For Sissies” tomorrow.

Today is my birthday. I’m grateful to be alive and except for being diagnosed yesterday with an e-coli infection I have relatively good health.  I am grateful that my husband and  children are healthy. All of us love Jesus. Who could ask for more?  Okay, one thing came to mind this morning that I am asking for.  Before getting out of bed I prayed that I would live with the end in mind.

For me to live with the end in mind means that I will make prayerful decisions for the greatest impact in regard to my relationship with God, family and ministry.  This birthday is a great reminder that I am at a stage in life where working harder and doing more are not the answer.  My focus must be on working smarter and making wise and relevant kingdom choices as I stare down my final run.  When you are aware of what is your last 15 plus working years decisions are more costly.  I feel young and think young but when I see kids graduating from college, getting married and having babies that I babysat for I am reminded my 20’s are long gone.

In addition to being a godly wife and mother, I am passionate about helping stagnant churches and investing in the next generation of leaders.  I feel called to equip and mobilize multiplying church leaders.  Coaching and seeing people find their place in the kingdom energizes me.  I believe I still have have much to accomplish personally, especially through writing, but the focus of my ministry investment in the kingdom is being a catalyst for growth.

Have you found your sweet spot?

Yesterday I blogged about lessons we can learn from the fall of Pastor Gary Lamb of Revolution church.  Today I thought about a conversation I had several years ago with John Maxwell, at the time Sr. Pastor of Skyline Church in San Diego.  We were discussing moral failure and he stated that the root of this is always a character issue.  Now I am thinking about how childhood impacts our character and who we are.

Every child growing up has basic emotional needs.  These needs are put in the heart of each person by God.  We are not only physical beings but emotional and spiritual.  It is my responsibility to meet the needs of my children from the time they are born until they are grown.  These needs include feeling loved, worthwhile, a sense of belonging, relatively free from fear, and relatively free from false guilt.  Families should be living in such a way that the emotional needs of children are being met daily.  The greatest responsibility given to Todd and I (other than sharing the Gospel with them) is for them to leave home at 18 with a strong, healthy, Biblical based self image.

Unfortunately in many homes parents may not be aware of these emotional needs much less meeting them.  Parents can come from dysfunctional homes, have their own personal baggage and stress in life.  Sometimes a father or mother may be so caught up in their own resentment, anger or issues that they feel it impossible to nuture their own children the way they need.  Because a couple never saw a godly marriage modeled growing up they have no clue what a healthy marriage looks like.

A person can grow up and not really be aware of the emotional deprivations which stem from childhood.  But they are there just the same.  For example, a person may have many dysfunctional feelings that he is unaware of and he may throw himself into his ministry with great force, never realizing he is trying to meet those emotional needs that were never met.  Of course ministry, marriage, relationships, career success, sex or money will never meet those needs in your heart.  Until these deep issues are dealt with you will not be able to have the self image built on Christ that is necessary for effective leadership. Not to mention the ongoing problems that will rise up in every area of your life.

When a person falls morally, their actions may shock and surprise folks.  But a professionally trained person who has been observing this man or woman could have predicted that it would undoubtedly happen sooner or later.  When our lives are marked by childhood emotional deprivation, we will go to almost any extent in an effort to meet those needs.  If a Christian leader is insecure or has other personality problems, he becomes a sitting duck for almost any sinful thing that comes his way. 

Yesterday in my post Top Ten Lessons We Can Learn From A Fallen Pastor I spoke of the importance of getting real and knowing yourself.  I suggested that a pastor see a professional counselor on occasion for check ups and evaluation.  This is especially important in your 20’s and 30’s.  It is critical to get any issues dealt with so that you are not headed for a fall.  I saw my first counselor in my early 20’s and it was very beneficial.  Desiring to be as healthy as possible I still include books on emotional health in my personal growth plan.  One that I highly recommend is The Emotionally Healthy Church by Pete Scazzero.  Even if you are not in ministry I highly recommend it.  This book is often on the life coaching reading list that I recommend. 

Are you headed toward a fall?  What are you doing to maintain emotional and spiritual health?

Today I am saddened to hear of another pastor who has fallen morally.  I did not know  Gary Lamb personally but have felt connected to him because he is a church planting pastor who blogs and twitters.  Because of his success  he has spoken at church conferences.  According to his confession letter which was posted on his blog yesterday, he has been having an affair with his personal assistant for the past 6 weeks.  This pastor is married to a beautiful woman and they have young children. 

In the past few years you have probably heard of pastors who fell morally.  Maybe you have even had to hear your own pastor confess to this sin.  I have certainly counseled more than a few people who had a Christian spouse who committed adultery.  What can we learn from them?  How can we ensure that the same thing does not happen to us? Here are 10  lessons for Christian Leaders but any Christain can apply…

1.  Get Real.  Most people don’t plan to have an affair. And most of them think it could never happen to them. Be smarter than this. I don’t care who you are or what you do, we are capable of any sin.  When you think you are above adultery you are unwise and Satan is laughing all the way to the bank.  You will never have the protection you need before first knowing that you need it.  Before you can get real you really need to know yourself.  How well do you know yourself?  I suggest seeing the best counselor you can find at least once every couple of years.  Although we may be shocked by the news of a person falling into sin, we can usually be assured that the problem has existed in some form for many years.  Serious problems have long root systems.  Problems don’t just happen; they usually start small in one’s early years, then grow and grow.  The person may have struggled with a problem for decades.  Be real with a professional counselor and deal with your issues on the front end of a potential moral failure.

2.  Ask  For Accountability.  By accountability I don’t mean people who have you on a pedestal and think you are all that.  Surround yourselves by godly men (or women if you are female) who are going to be in your face honest and see you for what you are, a sinner saved by grace.  It would be great to have 2-3 men to hold you accountable but you have to have one.  If you don’t have accountability it is because you don’t want it.  Not because you can’t find it.  I read that when Howard Hendricks holds a pastor accountable he will ask him 10 questions and the #10 question is “now which of these have you lied about today?”   Have men on your accountability team who have the guts and courage to challenge you. 

3. Guard Your Daily Quiet Time. Are you having daily devotional time? When Todd and I do church consulting we are amazed at the number of pastors who are not consistent in having a daily devotion.  It’s so easy to buy into the lie that Sermon Prep, Bible study, prayer for God’s blessing or prayer for his people is a quiet time.  It is not.  The lack of a regular devotion is not a schedule problem it is a love problem.  If you are not faithful in your devotional life your ministry will never be from an overflow of your walk with God.  Without this what you are building will eventually crumble.

4.  Keep Short Accounts With God And Others. If you have unconfessed sin in your life you are vunerable to bigger sin.  Deal with it.  Small things grow into big things.

5.  Write A List Of The Consequences.  I heard a Nav Staff conference speaker by the name of Skip Gray share once the consequences have already been decided, you simply make a decison regarding the cost.  I challenge you to stop what you are doing right now and type out a list of the consequences that an affair would have on your life, family and ministry.  Be detailed.  Print the list out and keep it in your wallet. Share it with your accountaility group and read it on a regular basis.

6. Take Time Off.  Maybe your church thinks you are Samson and admire you because you are such a hard worker.  I’ve been a pastor and I am in full time ministry now so I’m going to be candid with you.  If you don’t take time off you are so full of pride that you stink.  Not to mention selfish which I will touch on in a minute.  God created the heavens and earth and then on the 7th day he rested.  When you don’t take time off you are living in disobedience to Scripture.  God has a reason for every principle in the Bible.  Trust that God is smarter than you are and take your off time each week.  And take at least 2 weeks vacation each year.  If you try to tell anyone you can’t afford it you are living in la la land.  Show me a person who is not taking regular time off and I will show you someone who is not right with God.  If you are not taking time off you communicate that you love the ministry more than you love the God whom you claim to serve.

7.  Establish And Write Out Integrity Convictions.  A few of mine:  Never travel alone with person of opposite sex.  Don’t have one on one meeting or lunch with opposite sex.  Etc.  Etc.  These may sound rigid to the world but will help to protect you.  I will meet with two or more men for a lunch or meeting but never one on one.  Scripture tells us to avoid even the appearance of evil. 

8.  Enable Your Wife To Interview Any Potential Assistant.  Years ago I heard Miles McPherson, Pastor of The Rock Church in San Deigo speak about the built in radar that women have.  His presentation was funny but true.  Women are naturally intuitive and can usually see things you will not.  If your wife has a gut feeling listen to her.  If you are smart you will.

9.  Date Your Wife.  Sex is great and is a wonderful gift from God for a married couple.  Do you want maximum sex?  Would you like your wife to initiate sex so often that you feel like you are newly married?  Romance your wife.  Romance does not start in the bedroom it starts days before.  Date her.  Minister to her. Treat her like you did before you knew you had her.  Talk to her.  Listen with the heart. Ask her questions.  Hopefully you know what communicates love to her.  Affirm her.  Pray with for her and with her.  Don’t allow unresolved issues between the two of you.  Studies show that sex is more satisfying between two people who are committed,  married and love each other.  Remember that love is a choice. If you need help with how to romance your wife please invest in some books on the subject.  It will be money well spent.  And you will be glad you did. Promise.

10.  Guard Your Eyes.  Remember the childrens song with the lyrics Be careful little eyes what you see?  This song communicates the biblical principle of guarding your heart.  Webster defines guard as keeping safe from harm.  How well do you guard your heart?  Your eyes?  Last January Todd and I had a pastor share with us that he and his pastoral staff view R rated movies.  Their reasoning was so that they would be in touch with the culture and relevant.  They also frequented bars to help them stay in touch.  Same with TV shows.  People (and especially men) are visual and nudity on screen or seeing sex scenes will not help you to live the holy life to which we have been called.  Do you struggle with lust?  Trash on the screen will only fuel an unholy life. 

This is a huge issue to address on a blog.  You could write a book on each lesson with plenty of Scripture to study. This post is not even the tip of the iceberg.  Later in the week I will talk more about root issues, holiness and restoration.  What would you add to this?

When a Christian leader falls, it should cause all of us who are born again to fall on our knees and ask the Lord to help us be loving and compassionate.  God very plainly says to us in Galatians 6:1, If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day is out.  stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law.  If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.  (Msg)

Jesus was the greatest leader in the history of the world. His model of leadership empowers. When we look at Jesus we will be motivated to ask what kind of leader we are. If I have false ideas of my strength, Jesus will expose my incompetence. When I feel totally beyond what I am capable of, he provides for me God’s enabling power.  When we look at Jesus we can become leaders who create vision and empower change. 

Some leaders work within situations, transformational leaders change situations.  Some leaders accept talk about change, transformational leaders change what can be talked about.  Some leaders talk about benefits; transformational leaders talk about vision and dreaming big.  Some leaders talk about what they can accomplish; transformational leaders talk about how “teamwork makes the dream work.”  (borrowed from John Maxwell)

I believe the world is desperate for transformational leadership.  When we look at Jesus we can become leaders who create vision and empower change.  Through Jesus we can become a transformational leader.  Are you a transformational leader?

Women of Influence is excited to announce our group of mentors this week for Exchange 20009.  Today we share about Nancy Beach…

Nancy Beach is executive vice-president of the Arts  for the Willow Creek Association and a teaching pastor of Willow Creek Community Church.  A champion for the arts and artists in the church, she is author of An Hour on Sunday:  Creating Moments of Transformation and Wonder and Gifted to Lead:  The Art of Leading As a Woman in the Church. 

Nancy Beach Bio

Nancy Beach is a speaker, author, visionary leader, and champion for the power of the arts and artists in the local church. She served for over 20 years as the Programming Director for Willow Creek Community Church in suburban Chicago, a congregation known around the world for creating culturally relevant, biblically based services that make full use of the arts.

Dedicated to creating opportunities for artists in the church to use their gifts for effective ministry, her role at Willow included supervision of all aspects of the arts—including worship, music, drama, dance, photography, production, video, and design.  Today Nancy continues her role as a teaching pastor at Willow Creek, while also serving as the Executive Vice President for the Arts at the Willow Creek Association, a not-for-profit organization serving over 12,000 Member churches and others, representing 90 denominations in 35 countries. This new responsibility allows her to focus the majority of her time on serving other church arts leaders and their teams in the U.S. and around the world, building a community of Christ-following artists seeking to serve God as they create transformational moments in Sunday morning church services.

A sought-after conference speaker, Nancy uses her teaching gifts to inspire, motivate, and cast vision, while skillfully relating themes of soul transformation with every day people and experiences. Her book, The Hour on Sunday, expresses Nancy’s core vision and values for effective arts ministries. Nancy and her husband Warren live in Barrington with their two teenage daughters and a cat named Elphaba.