DuAnneSeeley.com

Today one of my FB friends, Penny Maxwell, posted this comment…”You know how much you value a relationship based on the level of discomfort you are willing to endure to see it progress and develop.”   I love this! This is who Jesus is and what he did. She went on to share…Real relationships demand something from you.  When iron sharpens iron sparks will fly.  Have you felt sparks in any relationship lately?  With friends?  Family members?  Spouse?  Neighbors?  Co-Workers?  Do you really love those people God has put in your life?  Or do you see your relationships as dispensible as a used kleenix?  It disturbs me to see someone blow a person off.  When we do this we totally miss who Jesus is to be within us.  God tells us in I John 4 that we do not abide in Christ when we choose to respond this way.  If we are Christians and do this we will sometimes attempt to spiritualize our actions. Deep down we usually know what we are doing but we put on a fake front that there is nothing else we can do to be a peacemaker.  So we wash our hands of it so to speak and move on to the next relationship, until they do something to tick us off.

Over 20 years ago I attended a workshop in Colorado that I never forgot called Conflict is Positive.  It was great and certainly changed my perspective.  Do I still have conflict?  Absolutely.  Do I always respond the Biblical way God commands?  Unfortunately not.  Do all of my relationships end happily ever after? Sad but no.  Sometimes you can try to work through an issue and the other person insists on holding onto the anger and will blow you off.  I once had a friend blow me off because  I told her our preschool teacher informed me her son ate 7 pieces of pizza at the school party. She was very sensitive about her son and refused to speak to me ever again. She was in the church we served for years but to this day refuses to speak to me and others who unknowingly have offended her. She never told me how I offended her even when I asked her. I heard that she was offended from others she had shared with.   By the way, Proverbs 6:16-19 tells us God HATES it when we spread strife among people.

Can you imagine how our marriages would be if we refused to deal with conflict? I imagine we would all be divorced many times.  Can you imagine if your children refused to deal with confict?  Conflict is good. Unresolved conflict is not good.  Micah Vanderburg commented on FB page that “people need to understand that the willingness to go through discomfort is for the development of the relationship and not the demise.

Is there anyone in your life today that you need to call?  Meet with face to face?  Don’t be a wuss and send an email or letter in the mail.  Put on your BGP and do the right thing.  Will every relationship you do this with develop?  Many will but a few probably will not.  Spiritual immaturity, dysfunction and our baggage will sometimes hinder our doing the right thing. If a person holds a grudge and blows you off then your hands may be tied. But you can pray for healing and live out how Jesus taught us we should value people.

To check out a great blog by Penny Maxwell go to www.PennyMaxwell.wordpress.com or you can reach her on my blogroll.

Women of Influence is excited to announce our group of mentors this week for Exchange 20009.  Today we share about Nancy Beach…

Nancy Beach is executive vice-president of the Arts  for the Willow Creek Association and a teaching pastor of Willow Creek Community Church.  A champion for the arts and artists in the church, she is author of An Hour on Sunday:  Creating Moments of Transformation and Wonder and Gifted to Lead:  The Art of Leading As a Woman in the Church. 

Nancy Beach Bio

Nancy Beach is a speaker, author, visionary leader, and champion for the power of the arts and artists in the local church. She served for over 20 years as the Programming Director for Willow Creek Community Church in suburban Chicago, a congregation known around the world for creating culturally relevant, biblically based services that make full use of the arts.

Dedicated to creating opportunities for artists in the church to use their gifts for effective ministry, her role at Willow included supervision of all aspects of the arts—including worship, music, drama, dance, photography, production, video, and design.  Today Nancy continues her role as a teaching pastor at Willow Creek, while also serving as the Executive Vice President for the Arts at the Willow Creek Association, a not-for-profit organization serving over 12,000 Member churches and others, representing 90 denominations in 35 countries. This new responsibility allows her to focus the majority of her time on serving other church arts leaders and their teams in the U.S. and around the world, building a community of Christ-following artists seeking to serve God as they create transformational moments in Sunday morning church services.

A sought-after conference speaker, Nancy uses her teaching gifts to inspire, motivate, and cast vision, while skillfully relating themes of soul transformation with every day people and experiences. Her book, The Hour on Sunday, expresses Nancy’s core vision and values for effective arts ministries. Nancy and her husband Warren live in Barrington with their two teenage daughters and a cat named Elphaba.

EXCHANGE 2009 

A leadership coaching network exclusively for women.  Revitalize your spirit and empower your leadership.  1 day a month Aug. - Nov.

If you’re a gifted and called woman in Christian leadership, join others like yourself for a coaching network.  Walk away with a renewed energy, focus and passion after spending concentrated time with 4 national leadership mentors. Connect with other women of like heart and purpose.  Choose intentional growth with a personal plan designed for you. 

Limited attendance of -20. 

Email dseeley@winfluence.org for application.

Check back for more info including interviews with each mentor.

Tom Rath: StrengthsFinder 2.0: A New and Upgraded Edition of the Online Test from Gallup’s Now,

Strengths Finder is a resource that many churches and organizations have been using the past few years. I highly recommend it.  It is a great tool to use with a spiritual gift assessment for anyone who is wondering what God gifted them to do in career and ministry volunteer service.  This is a book that I often use with leaders to help them see if they are working out of their top strengths.

It saddens me when I meet someone who is 40 and really has no clue what their gifts and talents are.  At the same time it encourages me when I can help someone determine what God created them to do.

If you don’t know your strengths then you may easily feel frustrated or annoyed at people or churches who don’t welcome your  input on areas that are not your strengths.  If you have found yourself in that situation consider asking if you are blinded as to why your efforts are meeting resistance.  Maybe you have felt that your help was not valued or that a person or organization did not appreciate you.  Have you ever been quick to judge an organization for this and assumed it was a control issue?  It is a given that the majority of organizations and churches desire to grow. Be careful what you  assume. I often tell my children that that assuming is the opposite of thinking. Think it through. Are you attempting to get a job or volunteer in an area not in line with your gifting?

My challenge today is to know yourself.  Until you are confident of your strengths and gifts you will never know the joy and rewards of living out your design.  When you know your strengths you will love what you do.

I can’t wait to share about something but I can’t do it today. It’s BIG. It’s Exciting and I get to be involved. Maybe one of you will be too.  Yeah God.

After all these years I am still learning to let go.  Spent many years as a control freak. Can anyone out there relate to me?  The most difficult venue for this lesson is with my children.  When they were very young and another child was unkind to them my first response was to get in the other child’s face and say STOP IT.  And sometimes if the behavior was a pattern I made the decision to decline those play dates. Today my oldest son is 13 and I am learning to let him handle his own affairs though I am still tempted to fix anything that causes him pain.  This is difficult for me. Is it for you?

Being in full time ministry Todd, the boys and I visit various churches from time to time. Recently we visited a church Matthew had looked forward to attending because of a close childhood friend going there.  My son is very shy but values friendship and is very loyal. New places, new groups, new people are not easy for him. He found comfort that morning knowing he would know at least one person. Living in NYC the past 3 years have been a sacrifice for my children. Leaving behind the security of family, home, close friends, good school and community was not taken lightly by us. But a decision we believe the Lord has honored. To my dismay when he and his father came to greet us he never even gave eye contact to Matthew or said hi.  The friend is an extrovert and very outgoing. It was obvious to me that Matthew was hurt but I said nothing. I assumed when the service was over they would connect. After the service the boy walked over with his mom who greeted me and Matthew but again would not even look at Matthew who was standing right next to me and less than 2 feet away from him. My son was devastated and embarrassed.  Good grief. What is this all about? These kids have been friends since preschool. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to tell his mom who I knew would attempt to fix it. She is a wonderful person. But I let it go. I did not want to let it go but I did.  I am not good at this. My heart hurt for my son who is still just a little boy to me. I want to protect him from pain. Most people outside of our family have no idea what he has been through the last 3 years.

Is this behavior the norm for middle school kids?  If it is then it reveals the need for youth ministries that disciple kids and not just provide social events.

The pastor gave an excellent message and worship was dynamic. But my son does not want to go back.

I love Valentine’s Day. Before marriage I would speak to women about God’s love for us being the greatest love of all.  I enjoy sharing what Scripture teaches us about love…God loves us with an everlasting love. He has drawn us with loving kindness.  His lovingkindness is great toward us.  Love covers all transgressions. Love is from God. Keep yourselves in the love of God. Etc. We were born with a desire to be loved. Satan has extorted this desire.  Only God can satisfy this longing to be loved with perfect love. Many times I hear women say they hate Valentine’s Day if they are currently not in a relationship.  The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful husband and I am so grateful.  All you single women out there need to know the truth…no matter how awesome your spouse is, God is the only one who can satisfy that longing for the deepest love.  If you look to a husband or romantic interest to fill that need you will always be disappointed.  When I was single I learned a great lesson from Margaret Maxwell, wife of John Maxwell.  During Q&A at a conference someone asked her:  Does John make you happy?  Her immediate response was “No.  That is not his job.”  Wow.  Straight forward. Simple. True.

I have thought about having this on my tombstone:  DuAnne Seeley ~ Loved By God.  

The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior.  He will exult over you with joy. He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over  you with shouts of joy.  Zephaniah 3:17

Are you more influenced by the world or the Word of God?  Most Christians would be quick to say the Bible influences them more than the world.  Not so fast.  The best way to determine this is to do a personal self evaluation.  But first let us clarify what a kingdom mindset is. Having a kingdom mindset each day and in every situation means having God’s heart and mind for the world at all times.  This will inform and give passion to our prayers.  Our prayer “Thy Kingdom Come” will take on a whole new meaning and passion. 

When we are kingdom minded we see everything around us in a different light.  It means we will evaluate our decisions and choices in light of the kingdom vs. according to personal comfort and desires.  For the sake of the kingdom we choose not to demand our rights at every turn.  We will desire His way vs. our way. Yes, having a kingdm mindset means caring about the lost world vs. having personal needs met.

Our friend Ben Arment posted a blog titled “The Mother Ship” which talked about how most Christians choose a church.  Do you choose a church based on what you can give to make a difference or based on what you can get? This consumer mentality is not a kingdom mindset. 

I have been thinking for several weeks about this topic and will continue it tomorrow.  Would love to hear your thoughts.  Comments?

How well do you know yourself?  A key process of capturing His vision for your ministry relates to the refinement of knowledge.  Proverbs 13:16 says “The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception.”  One of the most important types of knowledge you can process is knowledge of yourself:  how God has created you and how you perceive the world in light of your gifts, abilities, experiences and character.  Without this insight, the chances of your being able to fully grasp the detail of His vision are slight.  Here are just a few areas to look at:

1.  Start at the beginning.  Why are you in the ministry?  Forget about the stuff you were taught in Bible college or seminary.  Go one-one-one with God and honestly tell Him why you are in the ministry.  What is your motivation?

2.  Ask tough questions.  Identify your values, attitudes, assumptions and experiences.  What is it that excites you about ministry?  What keeps you awake at night?  What are your passion points?

3.  What in ministry turns you on and off emotionally?  During what situations do you feel most alive?

4.  What makes you cry?  Why?

5.  If you could only accomplish only one task in life, what would it be? (Be honest with this one!)

6.  Which passages of the Bible speak most loudly and consistently to you? 

7.  Who are the 5 most important spiritual mentors/spiritual leaders in your life right now?  Why?

These are just 7 of 70 questions that I like to ask people I am mentoring in leadership.  These questions are just designed to get you thinking in areas that must be examined to know yourself.  God wants to use you in a special way but you must be a leader who is committed to knowing and serving Him, which requires having a firm and accurate understanding of your character, capabilities and heart.  What would you add to this list?

My husband was just singing an old song by Kool & the Gang called “Celebration” with lyrics “There’s a party going on right here, a celebration to last throughout the year.  So bring your good times and your laughter too, were gonna celebrate and party with you!”  This reminds me of Luke 15:7 and the big party in heaven every-time ONE person is saved.  In my 20’s when I lived with girls I was discipling at UCSD, we started a tradition of putting angels all over the house on any day that a person we knew of got saved.  It was our way of celebrating with heaven.  I love a great party.  Can you imagine one where our heavenly Father is the host?  This is another example that shows us that evangelism is the heartbeat of God.  Sometimes I need to ask myself if this is my heartbeat.  Am I consumed by this as Jesus, whom I am to be like?  What about you?  Does your heart break for what breaks the heart of God?  Would love to read your thoughts.