1.  THE FUN FRIEND

Laughter is good medicine for the soul and so is a fun friend.  This type of friend has a great sense of humor and is just fun to have around. You laugh a lot together and probably cry together too,  from laughing so hard or at the right movie.  I have never been into shopping (not even the day after Thanksgiving), but I can handle it with a fun friend.  She can even make cleaning fun.  The more of these you have the better!

2.  THE POLITICAL FRIEND

I enjoy being active in politics and that involves keeping informed of all that is going on.  My political friend and I enjoy discussing issues and sharing our views.  We share current articles, emails and new reports. Liz has been the best political friend I have ever had.

3.  THE FIT FRIEND

These friends are important but I seemed to have more of them when I lived in California. Lots more. This type of friend is obviously fit and eats healthy. Much of what you do centers around being healthy and you probably exercise with her sometimes. My current schedule makes it difficult to exercise with a friend but it’s still important to grow in the area of fitness.  Julie was the most healthy friend I ever had and I sure miss connecting with her.

4.  THE HEART FRIEND

The heart friend is one that I can share the deepest longing of my heart, my dreams, passion and the depths of my soul. We talk  lot about Jesus, God’s Word, how the Holy Spirit is speaking to us and ministry.  These friends are rare jewels and come and go as I move around the country.

5.  THE PROVERBS 31 FRIEND

This friend is one who has been married longer than I have been and she will have children who have passed the stage that mine are in.  She is not perfect because none of us are but she has walked the road before me and strives to be a godly wife and mother.  She is a great sounding board. The bottom line is that she motivates and challenges me to be a better wife and mother.

6.  THE INTERCESSOR FRIEND

This is a friend that I can pray with. She has a heart and passion for prayer, does it and believes in the power of it. Terry Porteles was my intercessor friend in NYC and we prayed together as well as corporately at the Brooklyn Tabernacle Prayer Meeting on Tuesday nights when I lived in NYC.  Even if distance separates you can pray on the phone together.

7.  THE MENTOR FRIEND

This friend is rare indeed but they are out there of you want them bad enough.  When you connect with a mentor friend either casually or in a structured setting, they will challenge you to stretch and grow.  The first female mentor friend I had was Sheryl Fleisher and she challenged me on having a dynamic walk with Christ through prayer and in areas of ministry. Geri Scazzero challenged me in emotionally healthy spirituality.  Kathy Keller challenged me when I lived in NYC on trusting God with my children.

In my field of work I have had male mentors but because I am married and they are married we are not going to hang out together.  These mentors I will share about at another blog post.

This list is not all inclusive but the most important for me.  Sometimes what you learn from friends will overlap but I have found that most women have certain strengths that draw me.  Don’t you love hanging out with women you connect with? What about you?  Who are your girlfriends?

With summer behind us churches will no doubt begin the process for choosing mission trips for next year. Before making your choices here is a true story of one team who came to our church to minister…

Their Guidelines…”First of all choose a location that you really just want to vacation not because you want to minister.  Plan your own agenda before you arrive so that you can tell the pastor that you have your own plans while you are there.  Don’t raise any funds to cover the cost of your trip.  Assume the local missionaries are over funded with  a surplus and don’t know what else to do with their resources other than spend on you.  Besides, it is more blessed to give to you than they receive.

Choose what to preach at the Sunday outreach event without asking the pastor what he  would like. Tell him you have a message that every church in America needs to hear and you prefer to share that vs doing a topic he believes would be good for an outreach event.

At the first meal with your host family (the Lead Pastor) be sure to tell them that you don’t like the menu and after saying the blessing ask the hostess to cook something else. Do this throughout the entire trip and complain and criticize the food as much as possible. After meals and snacks never lift a hand to help with clean up.  Let the lead pastor and his wife clean up after you because you are at their hotel.  Leave dirty napkins and kleenex all over the floor along with your candy wrapper and empty water and soda bottles. They enjoy cleaning up after the 8 people staying in their home while you are playing their kids video games and enjoying your vacation.  It’s also good exercise for the pastor to clean up after your team of 8. They probably need the exercise because they are only working 70-80 hour weeks. You are giving the lead pastor and his wife a great opportunity to minister to you and they should be grateful you are there.

Because you have come with your own agenda you can totally blow off what the pastor would like for your team to do.  After all, how are they supposed to know you really just wanted to come to NYC to see the sites. They will never know that you picked their church to visit this week because you just wanted to visit NYC.  Assume the person who put you in contact with them will not communicate this to them later.

During your time in the home of the pastor, assume that having a large group stay in their home is never a burden on the family.  After all, they are so blessed to have you and your team in their home.  Leave trash everywhere because you are used to living like pigs and your host family needs to accept you as you are.

Don’t say thank you to the pastor and his family for anything.  Don’t say please or excuse me. Do everything you can to make more work for them. Don’t offer to help with anything.Be rude, loud, arrogant and obnoxious After all you are their guests and on vacation.

Wear a hat to every meal even when you hear the pastor’s wife tell her son that he cannot wear a hat at the dinner table.

Make as much noise as you can after the children and the family go to be at 10 PM.  It does not matter that they have school and have to get up early.  Even when you are asked at 1 AM to keep it quiet continue to be so loud that the family cannot sleep.  They probably don’t know you are sleeping in until 11.  When one of the children go to bed at 10 PM with a stomach bug continue to be loud as possible. When the wife is in bed with a migraine ask the pastor to cook another meal for you at midnight. Don’t offer to clean up after this because you and your team are tired. Let the pastor and his wife clean up after you.

At meal time when the pastor’s wife cancels dr. appointments so that she can cook lunch for your team, decide at the last moment that you are going to Applebees instead. Don’t call and inform her of this so that she is kept waiting keeping the food warm for your team. And never apologize for this or anything else. After all asking forgiveness is too much practical application of scripture.

Instead of going and meeting kids at a local night hangout to invite to a youth evangelistic outreach, kick back and watch TV and play games and chill.  When the pastor’s wife goes out to do this (with the husbands blessing) accuse her of being disrespectful of your team. She should not be doing something the pastor asked your team to do that you declined doing.  Furthermore she should be home serving you. You are an authority of what a wife should do and not do, not her husband.

During your visit criticize everything and everyone you can think of.  Judge the pastor’s in your district, the DS and others in your denomination because you are new in the denomination but know more than men who have been serving in full time ministry longer than anyone on your team has been alive.  Tell the pastor to forget everything he thinks he knows about “doing church” because you and your team are anointed and have all the answers.  Advise them that your church should be the model for every church.

Tell the pastor that you and your team go to bars and “R” rated movies because you love people enough to connect with them and the culture.  Say this in front of their children because you are also an expert on child raising and how their family should live and minister.

When the pastor confronts you on all of these things be defensive, unteachable and never apologize for anything. Therefore you can continue your behavior without making any character changes.

On the last night of your trip blow off the pastor ask that everyone spend some time praying and sharing in the Word together before the ministry event the next day.him He should realize you and your team desire to go into the city again. After all it’s not everyday that a team of 8 get a free place to stay while they are in NYC.

When the pastor and his wife choose to take the high road and take up a special offering for you on Sunday morning tell them that you prefer not to accept checks. Ask that they find an ATM in the snow because you want cash.

If you do these things you will make a lasting impression on the church you are visiting.  When you get up and speak about Jesus your character will speak so loud and clear that the folks will hear what you say by your life. Show them your example of a transformed life. “

Unfortunately this IS a true story.  Here are some guidelines we implemented after their time with us…

MISSION TEAM GUIDELINES

1. Require Applications With Reference Letters

Even if they are a pastor we do this. There are young people in ministry today that lack the spiritual maturity and character to lead a mission team for us.

1. Share Expectations and Schedule In Writing

We recommend doing this before they arrive and also ask that the team leader to sign in agreement.

1. Require the Team to Raise Funds to Cover Costs

This been a basic requirement forever but now we insure that each person raises the funding before accepting them on the team.

1. Hold Orientation Immediately After Arrival

The orientation is priority as soon as they arrive.

1. Make Prayer Time Mandatory

Make prayer time and sharing devotions together daily mandatory.

What would you add?

Leaving a ministry is part of being in ministry.  Every exit is different, unique in it’s details, but there are similarities.  Here are 4 tips on leaving well in ministry:

1,  Don’t make promises you won’t/can’t/shouldn’t keep

For example, “I’ll come back and visit” or “you can call or email me whenever you want.”  People will cling to these statements emotionally and be hurt again in the future when they’re not fulfilled.  If you’re planning to visit again next year or vacation or something, that’s fine, but don’t tell them just so they will feel better.  Do your best to make it a clean break for the sake of the ministry and the next person who takes the position.

2.  Never bad talk anyone especially if you’re leaving with tension.

You don’t have to support various decision and people, but don’t tear the ministry apart even further just so you feel like you’ve had the final say and you got your revenge.  Leave with grace.

If you are not the senior pastor but an associate pastor and leaving due to a moral failure of the senior pastor or some other lack of integrity, apply Matthew 18.

3.  Pass the Baton

When leaving a pastoral position do everything you can to ensure a smooth transition. Every new leader will do things differently but I do like to leave a notebook including everything I can think of that I would have appreciated having when I was new.  This includes giving a list of names and phone numbers of people in your ministry as well as computer pass codes, mailing labels, etc.

When I left the college pastor position at UCSD we had an end of the year banquet/party and I praised the incoming staff and told the students how much they would love he and his wife.  I communicated excitement about him and this began to prepare the way for the new relationships.

Before starting as college pastor at Skyline Wesleyan Church Pastor Tim Elmore preached a sermon on women in ministry and spoke of our relationship which helped prepare the way for my arrival.

4.  Once  you leave, it’s hands off.

Don’t contact people to see if you’re missed or entertain those who contact you to continue with some follow up complaints. And when a new person takes over and people contact you about how different it is (because it will be) always encourage them to be positive and support the new leader.

You may not know where you are going next.  You may be clueless, without any leads.  No matter what you know, you have to trust that God will take care of you.  This trust might be with your finances, with your job, with your reputation or something else.  Regardless of what happened (good or bad, right or wrong), God is bigger than the situation.  God is bigger than your worries.  God is biger than your bills.  God is bigger than everything.  He will take care of you.  It may not always be comfortable, but God will provide.

Maintain  level of integrity that will bring glory to God.

CONNECTING

Connecting is critical to growing a dynamic ministry. If you settle for a ministry that only reflects your personality and gifts it will always lack growth and be hindered from reaching it’s potential. A basic leadership principle I learned from John Maxwell is to bring people around that are different from you and have gifts you lack. How can you do that in a youth ministry?  Here are few things I did to connect when pioneering 4 different student ministries from scratch…

My most challenging student ministry was the one I started at a juvenile delinquent home. No Christian group had ever been successful and I was told it was impossible. Most of the kids were in secure lock up for felony charges but the staff agreed to let me have one shot at a gathering with them. What did I have in common with these kids?  Absolutely nothing!  Before the event I found out their main source of activity and enjoyment was ping pong. I had never even played ping pong but I asked the most influential guy in the room if he would teach me.  We connected through ping pong. After that I began to spend about 20 hours a week at juvi until I recruited a replacement. Unfortunately I never did get too good at ping pong.

A campus ministry sent me to a liberal college to help start a ministry that was struggling with recruiting and evangelism.  Here are a few things I did to help me connect with students…I dressed like students dress, I attended student activities, I went to places students go, I asked one of the most influential guys on campus to teach me how to ride a skateboard, I asked students lots of quetions about themselves to help me find their passion and points of interest and then zeroed in on that, etc.  My desire was to become all things to all men in order to reach some.

The principle I have been taught is that connecting is required for ministry growth.  I did many things that were out of my comfort zone. By nature I was a person who was not into sports, outside activity, music or video games. I am the person at the beach who will not even go into the water but sit in a lawn chair and read a book.  Today you might be challenged to see this because I will do anything to connect with my family, friends and other people I come in contact with.

Read a facebook post this week from a youth pastor I worked with at Skyline Church in San Diego who has built an incredible youth ministry at Saddleback Church. Kurt Johnston posted: “New Rule:  Every youth pastor should be required to visit two dynamic youth ministries a year to learn what they are doing.”

What are you doing to grow your ministry?

For more info on this topic read previous post “How To Build a Ministry that will Impact Youth Culture” and see “Called to Youth Ministry” which you can click on at my blogroll.

Someone once said that if you want to make God laugh share your plans with Him.  If this is true God has had a good chuckle with the Seeley’s. After returning to Madison from NYC our family planned on that being our last move. We live in the same home we purchased in 2001 and were happy to settle back into the community and reconnect with old friends. DuAnne verbalized more than once “we are never moving again.” Madison is a great city to get comfortable in. My plan was to serve the church through LEAD Ministries.  A few ministry opportunities came my way that required a move but I did not feel a leading or peace about them. At the beginning of this year I began to feel a wrestling in my spirit. You know the kind I’m talking about. The kind that says God is about to do something in your life.  My decision was not to share this with my family right away but to just wait and pray. A few weeks later DuAnne began to sense a wrestling in her spirit. She did not share this with me immediately but waited. In March we communicated with each other what God was doing separately in our hearts and agreed on the same message:  God was about to move us. We began to pack and make plans though we did not know the location of our move. Within a few days we assumed the move would be to Birmingham. We were excited about this since we have family and friends there. We found a good renter for our home and our move out date was set for June.  DuAnne began packing and looking for a house in Birmingham and found one that all of us liked. We submitted a contract.  On the evening of May 4^th I received a phone call from my District Superintendent and was asked to pray about pastoring a church in South Alabama. I was a little surprised to get this call and to be honest it caught me off guard. My first response was to say thanks but no thanks. A couple days after saying no I called back to say we would pray about it. The more I prayed the more I felt we should be open to this. Long story short, after two short visits and preaching a service for them the Board voted 100% to extend the call to serve as Sr. Pastor. I was voted in on June 6^th.  We leave Madison on June 30^th. 

We would appreciate your prayers for our family and those we seek to serve and reach with the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having ‘wealth’ from the book sales. This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, ‘Purpose Driven Life’ author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California. In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:
 
People ask me, “What is the purpose of life?”
 
And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body– but not the end of me.
 
I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.
 
We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn’t going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you’re just coming out of one, or you’re getting ready to go into another one.
 
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that’s not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
 
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don’t believe that anymore.
 
Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it’s kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems:
 
If you focus on your problems, you’re going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.’ But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
 
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her- It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.
 
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.
 
It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don’t think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
·        First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.
·        Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
·        Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
·        Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God’s purposes (for my life)?
 
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don’t get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn’t put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He’s more interested in what I am than what I do.
 
That’s why we’re called human beings, not human doings.
 
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
 
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
 
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
 
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
 
Every moment, THANK GOD. 
 

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 Within minutes a car stopped on the opposite side of the road. People rolled down their windows and I could hear music and laughter. They invited me to join them. I felt uneasy and told them no because Help is on the way. I did want to believe the Lord would send help and speaking it out loud seemed to calm me. They informed me that a gas station was just a few miles down the road in my direction.  When they were out of sight I got out of my car to walk and was thankful for the flashlight.  After just half a mile I heard a tractor trailer truck coming. I prayed O Lord, please let him pass.  Please don’t let him stop. He slowed and then stopped. O Lord, please don’t let him get out of the truck. He got out of the truck. O Lord, please let me out run him even though I have on my cute shoes with the high heels that my mom told me not to wear but I did anyway. I couldn’t run because my legs were frozen. He slowly walked toward me and said do you need some help?  I said No thanks, I’m just walking to the gas station down the road. Thanks anyway. His reply:  Well, if you were my daughter I would hate to see her out walking on this dark highway all alone. Are you sure I can’t give you a lift? All of a sudden my fear was replaced with a peace and I said OK, that would be great. Just to the gas station though. I’m on a tight schedule. That sounded pretty dumb but that’s what I said! A schedule?  As soon as we got in the truck I noticed he had a stack of New Testament cassette tapes. I asked with surprise if he was a believer. He said yes and we shared testimonies. He told me how his 16 year old daughter had just come home this day and informed him she was pregnant. He had prayed for help. I tried to encourage him. He asked where I was going and I shared my story of being called to full time ministry. He responded by sharing he would love to do something for God but without a college education or seminary he felt there was nothing he could do.

The garage at the station was closed but the truck driver knew the mechanic and called him from the pay phone. The mechanic arrived and offered to take me to my car.  I had a peace about it so I got in. After looking at my car he thought it was too serious for him to fix. He only did minor repair on tractor trailers and I would need a regular auto garage. The bad news was this was the weekend after Thanksgiving. Did I mention I had cash for my travel to Colorado but nothing more? I didn’t believe in credit cards and I was not prepared for this emergency. I didn’t share this info to the man I had just met. He then said:  I know you don’t know me and I don’t know you. But I’m a Christian and believe I am supposed to invite you to come to my home and stay with my wife and I. You’re out in the middle of nowhere and there is not even a hotel around here. I know it sounds crazy but I had a peace about this so I thanked him for his hospitality and said Thank you. I would be most grateful for your hospitality and help. I got in the car and shared my testimony. Before he had a chance to share his we were pulling up in his driveway.  All of a sudden I was thinking that I sure hope he had a wife and also that she was home. I didn’t know that this man had called his wife from the garage to tell her he was bringing a houseguest home. We walked in to find that she had cooked a huge breakfast for me. Thought you might be hungry she said.  After we shared a meal together she told me she had put clean sheets on their bed (their only bed) and suggested I get some sleep while they looked for a mechanic that might be open. They invited me to stay the weekend but I told them I was committed to be in Colorado by December 1^st and had to keep to my schedule. While I was sleeping the mechanic found a garage open called “Christian Brothers Automotive.” I needed a new clutch. They repaired my car and gave me an invoice for $300 and told me I could pay them when I had it. I gave them $100 and after thanking everyone got on the road.

The remainder of the trip was uneventful until I was about 2 miles from my exit to Glen Eyrie.  My gas gauge had stopped working and I was out of gas. It was about 11:30 PM and I put my flashers on. Soon a small sports car pulled up behind me. A guy got out and asked if I needed help. I told him what I thought was wrong. He told me he was a police officer and offered to take me to get gas for my car.  We filled the car and I was able to keep my arrival commitment of December 1^st. 

A few days later I called a friend at a church on my support team to inform them I had arrived safely and casually shared a summary of what had happened. The pastor called me back and wanted to tell me a mission’s organization had been praying for a truck driver to recruit and wanted to know if I had the truckers contact info. I did.  He also told me that their church wanted to pay for my car repair.  Wow. This was a lesson for me on trusting God in the dark.

In my early 20’s this was adversity. Today I see it as such a small hiccup in the road of life. Yet at the time it was a defining moment for me. It was that experience that made Psalm 139 became a fire in my heart. Oh, He even sees me in the dark! At night I am immersed in the light! It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you. Whatever the darkness God wants me to trust him. The lessons God continues to teach me about darkness…

1.      God is in control

2.      God has a plan

3.      God wants to be my refuge

4.      God will provide everything I need

What about you? Are you going through a dark time right now?  Are you experiencing…

·        Unemployment

·        Burn out

·        Loneliness

·        Divorce

·        Depression

·        Fear or Anxiety

·        Cancer

·        Death of a loved one

Whatever darkness you may be facing God will meet you there.

When I got home to my apartment in Mission Valley I spent the majority of the night praying. Today this issue seems so small to me ( a dead car and no money) but back then it was a big deal. When morning came I remembered there was a girl from my church in Birmingham that had moved to San Diego. I called my Birmingham church and they gave me her number. I didn’t tell Sallie all the details just that I wanted her to refer me to a local church in the area. She gave me the name of a PCA church ~ New Hope Presbyterian Church. New Hope was a small church with less than 100 people attending each week. The pastor, Rev. Andy Noch answered the phone. I spared him the details of being flat broke, scared and having zero relationships other than the campus staff I worked with. I only told him I was new to San Diego and was in a little bit of a jam with my car.  I never told him I had no money. God had told me during prayer through the night that he would provide without me making my need known. Andy immediately offered to send a member of his church to take a look at my car. Long story short they fixed my car. When I asked for a bill for the parts and labor they refused to give me one. This was one of the first lessons of many I would learn about what it means to be a church without walls. 

Many churches today are in trouble. They are unengaged and uncommitted to people in their community. They have become more interested in the needs of those within their walls than those outside.  Their primary purpose is to serve their own members not reach those who don’t know Christ. 

The New Testament church was without walls. They understood that they were to bear witness to the world, to live among unbelievers, serving them, revealing Christ to them. Ministry depends upon every believer. We are to use whatever we have to serve God by serving one another and our neighbors. We are to be salt and light. They will know us by our love.

How about your church? Is your church without walls?

The Top Ten Reasons That My Mom Is The Best

1.  She loves me sooo much.

2.  She takes care of me.

3. She makes me happy when I’m down.

4.  She cooks the best food.

5.  She loves basketball like I do.

6.  She tucks me in.

7. She is an all star at wiffle ball.

8.  She makes holidays so special.

9.  She sacrifices so much for us.

10.  She loves me no matter what I do.

A Poem For Mama

You are the master of everything you do.

You are a dependable source of comfort.

You help me when I fall.

You help me in times of trouble.

You support me when I call.

I love you more than you know.

You have my total respect.

If I had a choice of mother’s

You would be the one I would pick.

Thanks for all you do.

Mother’s Day 2010 come and gone. But with these cards I will always remember today. Thank you Matthew and Aaron. Out of all the little boys in the world, if they were all lined up, you are the two I would choose. You are two of the most precious gifts God has give me. I love you! Mama

At 22 years old I wrote out my vision for the next 25 years of  life. Though 90% of those goals and objectives came into being, it was not in those  dreams that my deepest needs were met.

What are a women’s deepest needs and how are they to be met?  Since God created the woman, he knows her deepest needs and He alone can meet them.

1.  A Woman Needs Love

If you have a husband he will never be able to provide you with the type of love your soul craves. When we look to a spouse to provide our deepest needs disappointment will fill the heart. Until this is clarified in a marriage both partners will feel an unrealistic pressure. For all you single ladies, not understanding this truth may put you on an endless quest to find something that does not exist. Though this blog today is for women, I feel compelled to say that the reason so many men such as Tiger Woods, Sanda Bullocks husband and even pastors have affairs is because they believe the lie that their current spouse is not meeting a deep need and they are desperately trying to fill it, even at the risk of losing someone they love.  In the case of a pastor, he may have an affair at the risk of losing everything. 

God alone can provide unconditional, self-sacrificial love, a love that has her highest good in view.  The Bible tells us: “This is the kind of love we are talking about–not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God.”  When we turn to someone or something to fill that deep longing we will never be satisfied longterm.

2.  A Woman Needs Security

Often a woman’s security is based on financial stability, her husband,m or her own success in the world. All these things can change.  God never changes.  “He is the same yesterday, today, yes and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).  He alone can give true stability and security. 

I used to think my security was solid as a rock. As a single person my course was focused.  I was single minded and purpose driven.  Then I got married.  In 16+ years of marriage we have moved 8 times.  In March of 2009 when we returned to our home in Madison I was excited.  It felt so good to be in a familiar place and see people I had known for years. I like that I can go anywhere I desire in 5-10 minutes.  Though the ministry experiernce of NYC was a good one I didn’t miss the traffic or the high crime rate.  I like that I don’t have to lock my door to feel safe.  After returning home I began to say I will never, never, never leave Madison again.  It wasn’t long before God began to tell me that my security cannot be in a place and that he wants my willingness to go anywhere, do anything at anytime.  So now we are praying about another move which will be #9. 

3.  A Woman Needs Peace

In a world full of changes, pressures and problems, where can a woman find inner peace?  Only Jesus can provide inner peace regardless of outward circumstances.  Through Him we can have peace with God.  “I am leaving you with a gift–peace of mind and heart!  And the peace I give isn’t fragile like the peace the world gives.  So don’t be troubled or afraid”  (John 14:27).

Last week I had some medical testing done.  When I focused on God and his word I felt peace.  When I spent time on WebMD I felt anxious.  I admit I am a recovering MFO (medical freak out).  Worry and anxiety are the opposite of trusting God.  Sometimes I can’t believe the Lord is still teaching me this lesson. So basic yet at times difficult for me to apply.

4.  A Woman Needs Purpose

God didn’t make one mold for all women. He has a unique plan, full of meaning and purpose for each of us–a purpose in life suited for our own special gifts and abilities, in the sphere of of His will and according to His word.  “Listen to God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.”  (Proverbs 3:6).

When you know your purpose you can live your priorities with passion and become the person God desires you to be.  This is what I call living on purpose.

5.  A Woman Needs a Sense of Personal Worth and Dignity

The world attributes worth to beauty, intelligence, talent or position in life.  The Bible says “…man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (I Samuel 16:7).  Our worth in His eyes is based on the character of our life and the qualities that he develops as we commit our life to Him. 

All the needs a woman has cannot truly be met, in the deepest sense, unless her greatest need is met, and that is…

6.  A Right Relationship With God

The Bible says that because of Adam’s sin in the garden, a right relationship with God was broken.  Thus, we are all born sinners.  “But I was born a sinner, yes, from the moment my mother conceived me” (Psalm 51:5).  “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”  “The wages of sin is death” (Romans 3:23; 6:23)

Because God is holy, He cannot have a relationship with sinful men and women. “Who can stand before the Lord, this Holy God?”  (I Samuel 6:20).  For in His sight no one living is righteous (Romans 3:20).

Many think a right relationship with God comes by trying to please Him, by doing good things for others, by going to church, or just believing that He lived.  The Bible says that “whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all” (James 2:10).  The Bible also says that all our good works are as filthy rags to Him (Isaiah 64:6).  no one can be good enough to please God.  His standard is perfection.  The only one good enough to please God was Jesus Christ.  He came to earth and perfectly kept God’s law; then as a perfect substitute, He died on the cross to pay the price sinners owed God for their sin (I Peter 3:10).

Maybe you’ve heard these things all yor life and perhaps you believe them to be true.  But hearing these things and believing they are true does not give you a right relationship with God. 

First, you must recognize your sin and confess to Him that you are a sinner, separated from Him and destined for hell (Luke 18:13).

Second, you must repent from your sins (Acts 17:30), that is “hate and forsake them because they are displeasing to God.”

Third, you must realize Christ alone was able by His death to satisfy God’s justice and pay for our sins.  Through Him only can you be forgiven and saved from your sin (I Timothy 2:5-6)

Fourth, you must receive Christ as He is, the Lord of your life.  Believe in Him from the heart to save you from your sins and commit yourself to Him as Lord to follow all the days of your life (Romans 10:13).

It is not until I committed my life to Christ that the deepest needs of my heart were met.  In Him alone and in His purpose for my life is true peace and joy.

If you will repent of your sin and give your life to Him, you will know the true forgiveness, peace with God, true joy and eternal life (John 3:16; John 10:10).

How Can You Know For Certain That You Are A Christian?

Slowly but surely there will be changes in your life, because the Bible says that when one is in Christ “he is a new creation” (2 Corinthians 5:17).  You will begin to love God and His word.  You will begin to love God  and His word.  You will love His people and His church.  You will have a heart and desire for communion with Him in prayer.  You will begin to hate sin and desire to please Him ( I John 2:3-4).

You can know that your greatest need is met is you have truly trusted Christ from the heart.  As you grow in your relationship with Him, he will meet all of the other needs of your life (Matthew 6:33).  “He will never leave you or forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).  In Him you will find the living water and you will never tirst again (John 4:14).  Heaven will be your eternal home (John 14:2-3).

If you made the decision to trust Christ today as your Lord and Savior I encourage you to tell someone else what you have done. 

Lord, I pray for any woman who may have prayed to you today and ask that as you draw them to yourself they would be filled with your peace and love. 

BC (before children) I was able to invest in my life in a way that reaped remarkable benefits. It was like choosing an incredible stock that continued to climb every day.  I was able to prioritize  spending a half day with God every single week.  Every Monday I would go to a small prayer chapel (always empty) or a remote place on the beach.  Sometimes our student ministry would try to organize spending a day alone with God. We would gather as a group on campus, the beach or a park and then disperse. After 4 hours or so we would meet with our brown bag lunch and share about our time with the Lord.  For many years I would spend 7-10 days with the Lord during the Christmas break and go up to Arrowhead Springs, CCC headquarters.  It was usually pretty empty at that time and I had a room and grounds pretty much to myself.  During summer break I would take 2 weeks and go somewhere.  Usually took about 10-12 books with me. The first week was spent unwinding from finishing out a busy school year of working 60+ hour weeks.  The second week I was more prepared to pray, read His Word and listen.  This investment in my relationship with the Lord…the daily devotion time, the half day every Monday, the monthly day with the Lord, the week at Christmas break and the two weeks in summer….was life changing. 

I can imagine what many of you are thinking. Who has that kind of job flexibility? You’re right. At that time in my life I made my own schedule and was very fortunate to have that kind of freedom.  Most of you probably can’t make that type of investment. No longer can I.  We have demanding jobs with certain hours, children that need to be taken care of  and a family to serve.  But I still believe it is possible to change our lives in one day.  Here is how…

Spend a daily time with God. God wants a relationship with us. For those of you married, can you imagine what your marriage would be like if you rarely if ever spent time with your spouse?  It would be cold and distant. A marriage without time is a disconnected marriage.  Start with just 10 minutes then work your way up to 30-45 minutes alone with God. 

Spend a half day with God.  This may seem impossible but with some creativity it can be done.  It is amazing what 3-4 hours with the Lord can do to you. Try to schedule this. What about when the kids go off to school?  If you work weekdays what about the weekend?  Get up early on a Saturday and leave.  If that doesn’t work what about a Sunday?  What about letting your family go to church and then out to lunch while you have a half day with the Lord somewhere.

Spend 24 hours with God.  This can be more of a challenge with a busy family but it can be done. Do you ever go on an overnight for a retreat or conference? Consider doing this somewhere by yourself. It can be a powerful time in your life and that of your family. 

I read a tweet recently that said something like When we close the Bible God closes his mouth. When we open the Bible God opens his mouth.  We can’t live out Jeremiah 29:11 without spending time alone with God.  No matter how good a church is, it is not the number one way for spiritual growth. Nor is listening to a pastor speak. Spiritual growth comes from personal time with God.

“Everyone has the power to impact the outcome of his life.  The way to do it is to focus on today.  Today is the only time you have. It’s too late for yesterday. And you can’t depend o tomorrow.”  ~ John C. Maxwell

My next post will discuss creative ways to spend your devotional time with God .

If you want to build a great church then go after the people that no one else wants!  That’s what Jesus did…and because of that we are included in HIS Kingdom.  Quite often something will happen in our church that will remind me that, though we are far from perfect, we are going after the people that I believe Jesus would have gone after…

So…the other day in our children’s area this happened…

A first time visitor (probably around 9 or 10 years old) walked into our 4th-5th grade room in KidSpring at our Anderson campus and was BLOWN away!

He looked at the children’s worker who met him at the door, and, after looking around the room he said, “you guys have a wii?”

“Yep,” she said.

“And you guys have a PSIII?” he said!

“Yes sir, we sure do,” she replied.

“And we can play these for free?”  He asked.

“Yep,” she answered.

Then he turned to his friend and said out loud, “This Sh_t is awesome!”

Now I am quite sure that makes some of you very uncomfortable; after all, you don’t want the cussing kids coming into church and messing up your perfect child.

However…after hearing this story from one of our children’s staff I was INCREDIBLY pumped up because I thought, “THAT is why we do church!”  I know many churches would not want a kid like that…but we do because HE MATTERS TO JESUS…even though his behavior is not perfect!

Here is what I know about that kid…

• He was greeted by children’s workers that made it a point to learn his name.
• He was treated like he was special, not like an outcast.
• He was NOT taken to the bathroom where his mouth was washed out with soap; in fact, he wasn’t even rebuked.  (Why in the world does the church expect those who do not know Christ to act as if they do?  It is the most ridiculous/stupid idea!!!)
• He was placed into an environment where he was taught the Scriptures.
• He was placed into an environment where he was taught about Jesus.
• He was placed into an environment where people went the extra mile to make sure the presentation was on his level.
• He matters to God; therefore, he matters to us…and we are going to continually do all that we can to reach him.

Church is not a place for “perfect people.”  (And BEWARE of the church where you go and EVERYONE seems perfect!!!)  It’s a place where the broken, the lonely, the addicted, and the struggling can go.

I love the fact that this kid came to our church…didn’t pretend to be someone he was not…and was STILL accepted and heard about Jesus.

The church has GOT to STOP placing expectations on people as soon as they walk in the door…

We are NOT a country club…we are a church!!!

And for those who look down on those who are “not as good as you,” remember that you were once like them (see I Corinthians 6:9-11 and Ephesians 2:1-5)…and were it not for God’s AMAZING grace…you would STILL be lost.

• People who cuss should be welcome at church…
• So should those who smell like smoke…
• So should those who smell like alcohol…
• So should those who do whatever sin you do not do…

When we get into the business of placing stipulations as to who can and cannot come to a service based on a morality code (OR a dress code) we have COMPLETELY lost sight of why Jesus came and died on a cross.

Like I said, hearing the story of that kid made my day!!!  It’s why we do what we do…and it is my prayer that he eventually receives Christ, fixes his eyes on Jesus…and grows up to do AMAZING things in HIS name…all because there was a church that allowed him to come in as he was…and then begged God to not let him stay that way but rather to bring about the change HE desired in HIS time.

• Are there any patterns that have been recurring?
• What seems to be the main theme of what God has been teaching me?
• What lessons have I learned?
• Am I starting the year clean?  Anything God wants me to confess?
• What  is on God’s heart for me?  What burden has he given me?
• How am I going to live out his purpose for me?

These are some of the questions I journal.  Can you add any others to this list?

TOP 10 POSTS OF 2009

10.  Are You On Fire For God

 9.   #1 Question To Ask If Your Church Is Declining

8.  The #1 Job Of A Spiritual Leader

7.  The Temptation To Be Spectacular

6.  I Quench The Holy Spirit

5.  Why I Resigned

4.  Developing A Youth Ministry That Will Impact Culture

3.  The Danger Of Leadership Privileges

2.  Please Shut Up And Resign

1.  Top 10 Lessons We Should Learn From A Fallen Pastor

There were several that missed being in the Top Ten by less than 10 points….

• Ten Things The Church Does That Scares The Crap Out Of Me
• Ministry Ain’t For Sissies
• Grand Central
• Conversations With My 13 Year Old Son
• Why Do People Resist Change
• God Wants Your Church To Grow
• God Has Not Forgotten You
• The Danger Of Spiritual Weeds

May you have a blessed Christmas and a wonderful New Year! 

Every year at this time I listen to so many share about the stress they are under. Instead of “tis the season to be jolly” I hear folks grumble and complain about many things. When I ask for clarification of the stress this is what I hear most often…

·         “I have so much shopping to do”  Have you considered shopping online? Most stores offer good sales and free shipping. You can do all of  your shopping in one evening.  Have you considered giving less gifts?  What about giving to a needy charity in the recipient’s name? What about planning ahead?  Consider shopping months in advance and then putting it in a closet. I had 90% of my shopping done by November 27^th. 

·         “I have so many parties to attend.”  I love parties. But if parties are stressing you out don’t go. Is anyone holding a gun to your head threatening to shoot if your absent? Will the party cancel if you’re not there?  Could you go for just one  hour? 

·         “More school activities.”  Okay. You can’t cancel these but I will suggest that you enjoy them. Christmas with your children is a short amount of time in your life. While you complain about it now one day it will probably be looked on as one of the greatest highlights in your life. Just sayin.

·         “More church activities.”  You don’t have to sign up for everything or attend everything. Remember that these are also great opportunities for building memories with your family.

·         “The cooking.”  I enjoy all the holiday cooking but realize that some of you don’t.  I saw “The Blind Side” recently and loved the part where the father told the kids to thank their mom for purchasing the Thanksgiving dinner!  Laughed at loud at that one.  Buy it or make it simple. I know one family that has taco salad every Christmas Eve. Todd’s grandmother used to make at least 20 different types of Christmas cookies every single year until the day she died at 88. Her secret? Baking and freezing. 

·         “The Christmas cards.”  P-L-E-A-S-E.  Who says you have to mail out cards?  Consider doing it online. Do it every other year or don’t do it at all. Consider a January Happy New Year card.

• “I’m broke and don’t have any money to spend.”  Everyone knows we are in a recession.  Do you have to give gifts?  If you have young children that is a different story but we have been in that situation as people in full time ministry living on a tight budget.  I remember one year that Todd took a part time job at Costco to earn money for gifts for the boys. It was tough. It was humbling for a college graduate to push carts in the cold and rain with teenagers but he was grateful for the job and saw it is God’s provision.  It amazes me to hear unemployed folks say they would never do a particular job because they think it is beneaththem. I once heard a girl say she would NEVER  hostess or waitress. People like that have much to learn about life. I have the highest respect for a friend, Darica Smith, who rented a home with me in San Diego. She is very intelligent, graduate of UCSD and working on her masters degree at the time she got engaged. She worked full time at the VA and made the decision to get a 2nd job at McDonalds to pay off some debt and save some money for her wedding expenses. I have never forgotten that and have told the story to my kids.  I know folks today that need income that would never even consider that.

I don’t want to close without sharing some holiday stress that does grieve and touch my heart deeply…

·         A family that lost their home with no place to go due to unemployment.

·         A missionary family that is struggling due to lack of financial support.

·         The McRaefamily in Phoenix who is in the hospital with their 5 year old, Kate, undergoing chemo due to brain cancer.

·         The family who is grieving the loss of a loved one this Christmas.  

·         The mother who is fighting cancer so that she can be around for her children.

·         The parent’s with the rebellious child who is wondering if they will be spending Christmas together.

·         The man who just found out his wife is having an adulterous affair. 

·         The children who were told their parents are getting a divorce.

·         The woman struggling with depression 

• The family with a son incarcerated.
• The person struggling with addiction.

Have you listened to folks talk about holiday stress this year?  What would you add to this list?  Do you feel stress today?  Would love your thoughts.

Laughed hysterically as someone recently shared with me about a hike she took with her husband. Not being the outdoor type she had no desire to spend her day this way.  But it was his birthday request so how could she say no? She expected a walk through the woods on a clear and even path. They could chat along the way, hold hands and enjoy the beautiful scenery.  Not exactly what happened.  It was very rough at times. Treacherous terrain. No clear and even path. It was exhausting. She even got bruised and cut up along the way. At times she had to hold on to branches to keep from falling downhill.  The only words out of her mouth were Oh God, please help me.

Do you ever feel like your life is like this? I do. You long for an easy path yet that is not what you are on. It’s difficult and tiring. You have been bruised and cut up. Sometimes you fall.  You feel exhausted. You long for an easier path that others appear to be on.  You wonder how long it will take to get to the other side.

Jesus is aware of the path. In fact he is right there with you.  He walks beside you. He understands. He will lead you. He will carry you through.

Are you tired?  Worn out? Burned out on religion?  Come to me.  Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me ~ watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.     – Matthew 11:28-30 The Msg

Losing My Religion by Dr. Tim Elmore

I met with my friend, Andy Stanley, last month to catch up on life. He mentioned a book he’d just finished called, “Losing My Religion.” It was written by a Los Angeles Times journalist who had lost his faith in God. To summarize, he had begun a spiritual pilgrimage and in response, he wanted to research churches of every kind and write about them. Along the way–he saw terrible atrocities. He discovered all kinds of unethical and immoral behavior by priests and just good “religious” folks, and couldn’t stomach it any more. His book turned out very different than the one he intended to write. He wasn’t angry with God–he just couldn’t find him any more.

Today, I met with a long-time mentor of mine, Keith Drury. We talked about this and he shared some wisdom with me on the issue. In fact, he shed light on disillusionment of any kind. He told me a discovery he and his son had made some years ago about people who become disillusioned about faith, about marriage, about people…you name it. It can be summarized in one sentence: 

“You cannot be disillusioned about anything unless you are first illusioned.”

It’s so simple we miss it. Only when I have illusions of what should be; only when I possess expectations of something or someone can I be disappointed in them. Someone who gets disillusioned with God or their career or their family–or anything–and decides to give up on them usually does so because they have an assumption of what should have happened. An expectation of perfection or an ideal model. Then, when that model doesn’t appear, they are miffed. Disappointment sets in. Anger emerges. Then, bitterness and resentment and often a desire for revenge. I meet people all the time who are unhappy and disillusioned with their job, with marriage, with God, or with people in general…and they’ve checked out.

Can I tell you what I’ve learned over the years? I must cling to hope, but I must have no illusions about life. It is hard. People let you down. Plans rarely turn out exactly the way we imagined them to turn out. Further, when I enter situations knowing life is difficult–I never experience disillusionment. When someone does something nice, I am grateful. When a bonus comes in for me, I treat it as just that. A bonus. It’s above what I expected. I work because it is right. I love because it makes life work. I trust in God not just because it is a phrase on our coins but because I have good reason to have faith. I equip people to be leaders because I know that, even though they’re far from perfect, they possess some good inside of them that must be nurtured and utilized to influence the world. But I must work to keep it real.

How about you? Have you gotten depressed over an issue? Are you struggling with disappointment? Have you given up on something or someone?

Have no illusions, and you’ll won’t be disillusioned.

Dr. Tim Elmore

Jesus’ call to people was not complex.  He simply said, Come, Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.  (Mark 1:17)  Over and over, to all kinds of people, in many different situations, He said Follow Me.  The core definition of a Christian is one who trusts and follows Jesus.  Jesus was (and is) the ultimate transformer.

His followers had a single priority (to seek first His kingdom) and a single loyalty (to himself).  He called people to be with him and to go for him. Just being with him was a transforming relationship.  To develop their faith he tested them. He wanted them to learn that the secret of knowing God and doing his will was not in learning routines, imitating his style or doing good things in their own strength but in faith.  The result of being with Jesus is transformation.

Who do you hang with? Who are the five most important people in your life? Who or what is transforming you?

There was a time in my youth when I was so naïve and full of innocence that I couldn’t imagine a Christian in leadership blowing it big time. Sure I believed we were all sinners saved by grace but I assumed that learning from mistakes always resulted in growth and holiness, especially someone in Christian leadership.  This may be true but in reality as we rise in leadership the privileges and temptations increase.  I didn’t understand that in life a leader will sometimes take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back.  Sometimes a leader will fall out of the race altogether.

One of the greatest challenges we all face in leadership is how to handle power. Power does something to us. It is a seduction not unlike the strong undertow I have seen in the ocean.  It is a reality. It is forceful. It is dangerous. It is a force you must know how to swim away from.  Refusing the seduction of misusing power is a similar task. There is a lot at stake…sometimes not just your own life but many others. Power can be used for good or evil.

 I recall a time at a youth beach retreat that I drifted out in the ocean. The sun was warm and bright and the ocean so inviting as I lay on my raft.  I must have dozed a little and before I knew it I was out deeper than my friends and fighting the current. My desire or plan was not to drift. But it happened.

It‘s easy for a person in a leadership role to become accustomed to feeling that because he has “earned” privileges, he actually deserves them.  And it’s only a short step from feeling you deserve them to demanding them. This has been innate in the downfall of many leaders. 

The seduction of power can suck us in its grasp. A Christian leader often has the resources to do what he wishes.  He usually has the staff and people around him to carry out his purposes. In addition, he may also have the authority to do what he wishes.  Unfortunately the higher up a leader climbs the less accountability he may choose.  

In the book of II Samuel, Chapter 11, we see this is true of David.  As you read this story you see that David had the authority, personnel and money to pull this off.  Though God desired him to use these privileges for good, David used them to take advantage of others. 

Sometime ago a trusted Christian leader in an organization put one of his younger staff in a position of service at a church. The staff person did such a great job that soon he was asked by the church Sr. Pastor to consider extending his commitment for 5-10 more years.  As he was praying through that decision a few weeks later it was discovered that there were many indiscretions in the church pastor he was serving…abuse of people, finances, distortion, and dysfunction of every kind imaginable.  After the pastor was discovered he demanded that the staff person keep quiet about all he had learned.  When he realized that the integrity of this servant would not allow him to conform to his wishes he placed the same demands on the Christian leader over the servant.  The pastor threatened to run the organization out of the city if they did not go along with his demands.  Unfortunately this organizational director was afraid of losing some of his power and potential influence so he gave into the demands of this pastor which included throwing the young staff under the bus. The Christian leader attempted to cover up what he was doing but truth has a way of coming out eventually. He was seduced by power and lost.

Whether abuse of power involves sexual immorality, financial or political, not doing the right thing is a disregard for the Scriptures that warn:  You have been given freedom; not freedom to do wrong, but freedom to love and serve one another. Galatians 5:13

Have you ever been affected by misuse of leadership privileges? 

• Never thought I would live in the South again after 11 years in San Diego
• Never thought I would marry believing that I had the gift of celibacy
• Never thought I would be a mother
• Never thought my house would be a gathering place for little boys in the neighborhood
• Never thought I would not be on staff at a local church
• Never thought I would ever live in NYC
• Never thought I would plant a garden
• Never thought I would become such a great cook
• Never thought I would not care for chocolate as much
• Never thought there would be phases in my life when I am not teaching a weekly Bible Study
• Never thought that I would read less than 2 books a week
• Never thought that I would not be finished with seminary by now

I have learned that a disciple of Jesus never says never.  Scripture teaches that you can make plans but God will direct your steps.  His way is good, acceptable and perfect. Therefore we don’t have to fear the future but can have peace and confidence in his direction.

Years ago in San Diego I closed a collegian Bible study by giving out commitment cards that said  Lord, I am willing to Go anywhere, Do anything, Anytime for you. Today I resigned the card.

Has there been a time recently in your life where God is asking you to trust him with your future?  How are you responding?

A changed life.  This is the greatest reward in ministry to youth. I was once in a youth group. The Lord also allowed me the privilege of working with youth. I’ve worked with non-Christian youth, church kids youth and even kids living in a juvenile delinquent home.  And now I am the  mother of youth.  My objective for ministry remains the same….change lives for eternity and impact the culture.

The challenges facing our youth continue to increase every year. There is not a quick fix or short term program that will provide the results that we need.  Is it possible to develop a youth ministry that will provide youth workers and parents with the biblical principles that will equip their kids for life beyond youth group?  Yes. A big shout out to our friend Kurt Johnston  (youth pastor at Saddleback Church under Rick Warren) who pointed Todd and I to some of the best resources out there.

Today I want to share a resource we began using last year…The Seven Checkpoints by Andy Stanley and Stuart Hall.  The material in this book and the devotional book for teens reveals what Andy calls the “irreducible minimum” - the essential principles upon which an entire youth ministry can be built.  With this strategy…

Imagine meeting with the parents of your students and showing them the seven principles that serve as  the foundation for all you will teach their kids.

Imagine having a content calendar that can be used to guide the development of your activity calendar throughout the year.

Imagine having a handful of carefully crafted principles to choose from in developing the theme of every camp or retreat.

The Seven Principles every teen needs to know are…

1.  Authentic Faith

2.  Spiritual Disciplines

3.  Moral Boundaries

4.  Healthy Friendships

5.  Wise Choices

6.  Ultimate Authority

7.  Others First

The keys to developing an effective youth ministry are:

1.  Innovative leaders.

2.  Belief that students can experience the deeper things of God.

3.  Leaders that have a genuine and living faith, empowering others by showing the way and not just telling the way.

4.  A clear strategy so that the goal is accomplished rather than just gathering a crowd.

My passion is to live these 7 principles first and teach them second.  What about you?  What’s going on in the youth group at your church?  What challenges are you facing?

Many times in my life I have thought about his words.  Sometimes with laughter and other times with tears. I remember my husbands 30th birthday. It was planned several months in advance. Let me share some important background details. I am a romantic at heart. I have always preferred the romantic comedies.  I believe in celebrating every birthday as if it is a bar mitzvah.  Even though life can be difficult I do believe in the happily ever after ending. Mix that up with my high expectations for everything and there is bound to be some tension and disappointment as life happens to all of us.

My desire was that my husbands 30th birthday be perfect. Never mind that a quiet dinner for two would have satisified him. This was his first birthday as a married person. It had to be over the top.  We started the day with breakfast at Elario’s at The Summerhouse Inn in La Jolla. This is a very quaint restaurant with huge windows overlooking the Pacific Ocean. You can sit side by side on a cozy couch with an ocean view. My husband opens his first gift which I am certain he will be ecstatic over. ..an one hour massage downstairs in the spa.  The truth is that he had never had a professional massage and the thought of receiving this from a stranger (especially a male) was not something he desired. Not to mention laying naked on a table with a towel covering his personal area.  I was so excited about his birthday that I barely listened to his concerns and told him just trust me hon, you will love it.   

I was certain my next gift would knock his birthday dreams totally out of the ball park. One of my romantic fantasies was to ride horseback on the beach, side by side, holding hands, trotting in slow motion as the ocean waves splashed against us. For hours we would gallop along, mesmerized by the beautiful sunset, intoxicated by our deep love for one another. It never dawned on my that Todd did not like horseback riding. The possibility never even entered my mind for a second. How could it? This is my romantic fantasy and I knew he would love it. I should have lowered my expectations as soon as I saw that my horse was foaming at the mouth.  But being a person of faith, I held on to my dream.  The first disappointment was that a guide insisted on riding along with us.  This guide talked non-stop to me and spit his chewing tobacco every few yards that we rode. Five minutes after leaving the stable my husbands horse began to experience horrible gas and diarrhea. His horse refused to ride beside my horse and instead trotted several yards ahead of me.  I was left riding with the guide who is now flirting with me. My husbands horse then turned around and raced back to the stable with my husband hanging on for dear life.  I am on my own with the guide and shortly decide to call it a day and return to the stable.  We never did get my fantasy ride on the beach.

The grand finale was a surprise birthday party at the top floor cafe of Nordstrom. I had worked on this for a few months and informed everyone it had to be kept secret from my husband. When we got home from the horse adventure he heard a message for me asking a question about his party that night. 

Though I had great expectations for the day but it did not go as planned.  As we look back on his 30th we are amused that though it did not turn out the way I wanted it is the one we remember with the most laughter. Over the past 16 years we have learned so much of life is full of surprises, joy and delight also mixed with some difficulty and pain too. That is how life is. Both Todd and I have learned to appreciate the simple things as the greatest gifts of all and savor each moment. 

I still have great expectations mixed with passion and a conviction for excellence. The difference is now I more easily go with the flow and adapt to unexpected circumstances.  God has taught me that if I embrace all of life he will meet me there.

What has God taught you about expectations?

Jesus’ heart was peaceful.  The disciples freaked out over the need to feed the thousands, but not Jesus.  He thanked God for the problem and saw it as an opportunity to glorify God. The disciples were fearful when the storm came, Jesus slept through it. Peter pulled out his sword to fight the soldiers who came to arrest Jesus.  Jesus lifted his hand to heal. When his disciples abandoned him, did he pout and go home? When Peter denied him, was he angry?When the soldiers spit in his face, did he breathe fire in theirs? He refused to be giuded by vengeance.

Sometimes my heart seems so far from his.  He is peaceful, I feel stressed. He lived on purpose; I feel distracted. He is pleasant; I am cranky. He forgives; I remember people who have hurt me. He trusts God with the future; I worry about my children. He is focused on heaven; I am focused on things of this earth.

At times the distance between his heart and my heart seem so immense. I asked him, will I ever have your heart? He replied…you already do. If you have prayed to accept Me as Savior and Lord of your life you have my heart.  I have made your heart my home. (Gal. 2:20) Yes, I believe this. But why do I sometimes feel so much like the old me? Why do I feel stress?  Why do I still get angry?  Why do I doubt his promises for us? 

Spiritual Transformation is a promise.  My heart can feel carnal when I have gone several nights without adequate sleep, not enough time with God, prayer or the Word, if I don’t keep short accounts with God and others or if I am not taking a Sabbath.

God rewards those who seek him.  Not those who seek doctrine, religion or systems. Many settle for this but the greatest reward goes to those who settle for nothing less than Jesus himself.  What is that reward? His heart for my heart. “And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him.”  (2 Cor. 3:18 TLB)

This week I have been hurting and praying for  three families who are suffering through some tragedy in their lives.  On Monday morning my sister lost her brother-in-law in a fatal accident leaving behind a wife and three children, a family in church lost a daughter to swine flu on Tuesday after losing another daughter three weeks ago in a fatal accident, and 5 year old Kate McRae is battling brain cancer. As a parent, I grieve on a whole other level when I hear about these things. And I admire so much the faith it requires these families to press on…

These stories raised some big questions for me over the last few days: Am I prepared for tragedy in my own life? Have I under girded myself with the right spiritual foundation? Have I sufficiently drawn near to God before the trials come? Because they will. This is a journey that most of us will walk through many times in our lifetime.

I have a new desire to develop a Bible study on preparing for and living through pain, grief and loss.  If you have a desire to participate in a pilot Bible study regarding trusting God in the storm please email me at dseeley@winfluence.org.

Today it is good to remember that Islam is not a religion of peace but one with a written doctrine teaching any non-muslim should be killed. Islam is the opposite of Christianity.

So, how do we respond today? Like most Americans, I support that we must fight the war on terror. I want justice. But what the city needs most is not justice, but Jesus.

We need to take the Gospel to New York City.  When God called us to NYC our initial response was to say no.  But as we prayed we knew that it would be a privilege to say yes.  Todd, the boys and I are so grateful that we were obedient.  NYC changed our hearts forever. We are grateful for the friends we have made, the ministry experience and especially the people that have prayed to receive Christ. 

In his first interview on September 11, Mayor Giuliani was asked how bad it was. He responded, “More than any of us can bear.” He was right. But there is a greater tragedy. What if people were to minister only where they were comfortable or where it feels easiest for quick success?

Thousands died that day, but many more go into eternity every day without Christ. On Staten Island where we ministered, George Barna says that less than .05% are considered evangelical Christian.  The need in that area breaks our hearts. That is why we will spend the rest of our lives praying, recruiting pastors for, and financially supporting that area of the world.

When will we realize that it is “more then any of us can bear”? When will we be as shocked by the lostness of the world and act accordingly? When will our churches love the people of New York like we did on September 11? We sent so many work boots and water bottles that they said “no more.” My prayer is that we will send as many missionaries and pastors as we did boots and as many witnesses as we did water bottles. Only then can we truly love New York.

LEAD Ministries wants to help empower and support new church plants.  If you are a pastor who is open to plant in the NYC area please contact us.  Email Todd at tseeley@LEAD-Ministries.org.

Today I asked myself, why is it sometimes easier to obey God rather than trust Him?  I think my faith has grown so much over the last 30 years until I find myself in circumstances that defy explanation. When unexpected circumstances happen that seem unjust, illogical, or tragic I sometimes feel frustrated, confused or angry.  In the last few months I have known of at least half a dozen deaths of children under 18.  I have seen marriages destroyed due to affairs. I have seen young mothers diagnosed with terminal cancer. I have seen people lose jobs and homes. I have seen people die without Christ.  These things can be hard to understand. Even when we have faith in God and know that He is sovereign, in adversity we can question why God would allow such.

What I do know for sure is that God is love and He is sovereign even when I don’t understand.  I cannot view circumstances through the eyes of what makes sense to me but through the eyes of faith.  When we seek the Lord and know Him we will enjoy intimacy with Him.  When we have intimacy with God we will find that we can trust Him. Even when we don’t understand God will carry us through.

There have been many times in life when I did not feel delivered from a situation as as I desired and prayed.  Not being healed from migraines and other medical issues in my family, at times living on a lower finanical support level, relationship conflict among family members, my step father dying from tylenol poisoning in his forties, losing so much financial support for our church plant in a 10 day period that we had to give up the church, etc.  Maybe you have experienced many more major issues than this.  My friend Carol Kent once said that you are either in a crisis, just out of a crisis or close to entering a new crisis.  Reminds me of James 1 that tells us to be prepared because we will face many trials in this life. 

What I have learned is that we cannot escape trials. Sometimes it may feel like such a darkness that you cannot sense God’s presence, power or annointing in your life.  Your experience is not unique.  God’s choicest saints have at times had days, weeks, months and even years of such darkness.  But God’s answer always comes again.  God has not forgotten you! Don’t try to get off the train while you are going through the tunnel.  If you jump off the train you must eventually get back on. And if you jump off you will have more scars than if you had stayed on the train. You are on route to God’s great victory.  Hold on, and God’s power will be revealed to you.

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.  You know that under pressure, your faith life is forced into the open and shows its true colors.  So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely.  Let it do its work so you become mature and well developed, not deficient in any way.  James 1:2-4

So it is with the spiritual life.  Just because someone is born again and begins to grow does not guarantee continued growth.  Thinking that spiritual maturity is a point in time or something you arrive at is false.  It’s like saying that I planted a garden and it will remain alive.  Without water, care and pulling up the weeds it will die. Just like a garden is something we must continue to work, my spiritual life is something that I must continue to pursue.  It’s not a point in time, but a continual pursuit of our relationship with God. 

What happens when I keep ignoring the weeds?  Weeds such as unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, pride, jealously, envy, impurity, gossip, slander, sexual immorality, worry, anxiety, fear, etc.  can overtake my life and become a stronghold. When I don’t keep short accounts with God and deal thoroughly with sin I can easily fall totally away from God and the blessing of an abundant life that he desires to give us. 

Are there any weeds in your life today that you need to pull up by the roots?

When our hearts are on fire for Jesus our words will be on fire.  When we are on fire people will be drawn to us.  Fire attracts.  Fire motivates.  Fire kindles fire.  It is the nature of fire to set ablaze.  Do others see this fire in you?  The constant tendency of fire is to go out.  The Holy Spirit does not waste divine energy.  If we don’t obey God and live out of fellowship with him, the grace he desires to pour out on us will cease.  God supplies the fire, but we must keep it burning.  We are spiritually most blessed, most victorious, most at peace, most usable when we are ablaze. 

Was there a time when you were more on fire for God than you are today?  Our tendency is to cool off spiritually and lose our zeal as we get side tracked by the every day affairs of life.  Personal revival will return as repent of sin and turn from it, renew our commitment, and live the spiritual disciplines.  It is our choice whether we neglect the Holy Spirit, quench the Spirit or fan the flame of the Spirit’s presence.

The first question we ask when an established church is declining is this:  what are you controlling?  Webster defines control as to force,manage, master or repress.  To repress is to hinder or restrain.  To restrain is to curb, keep down or from, bind or inhibit, bottle up, crack, hamper, gag, limit, choke or pull back.  Why would anyone want to control a church?  The root is fear but that is for another blog post. 

Last week on twitter Rick Warren had this to say…Every pastor has to decide what he wants most:  control or growth.  You can’t have both.  The bottleneck is always at the top.  For growth, the pastor must give up control of the ministry and the people must give up control of the leadership.  Acts. 6:1-7

As a pastor, are you willing to give up control for growth?  As a lay person, are you willing to give up control of the leadership for growth? 

Yesterday Bill Hylels launched the Leadership Summit at Willow Creek by teaching a session titled “Leading in a New Reality.” Here are some of the highlights of his talk …

My view of full time ministry was that I worked for God.  I saw my role as that of sales rep and God was the CEO.  He had his office and I had my territory. My territory at the time was the campus of UCSD.  He was just a prayer away.  Sure the results were up to God but I had to do my part and work hard.  The more hours the better.  For years I averaged 60-80 hours a week.  The prayer with Fred was the beginning of a paradigm shift. Colabor with what God is doing?  Rather than work for God I began to work with God.  Rather than check in with him each day and then go at it I checked in with him and followed.  I begin to understood the truth of getting involved with what God is doing vs. asking Him to bless what I was doing. 

As I became more aggressive in my prayer time my passion for Jesus grew.  As a result I felt God more in each moment. I began to taste the thrill of fellowship with the Lord that was more amazing than anything I had experienced. Instead of prayer being something I did from obedience that I could check off my list it became a delight. In addition to my daily quiet time I began to spend every Monday with the Lord.  Every summer and winter I would take a week long prayer retreat.  The more time I spent with Jesus the more I began to experience John 15.  Communion with the Lord was not just something I did because  I knew I should but it bacame like a passionate fire burning in my heart.

A result of the paradigm shift is that I resigned as sales rep.  I don’t miss that role. The one of co-laborer is much easier.  The results are bigger and better. What difference does that decision make to my life today? As a wife and mom of children I can’t pick up and spend a week alone with the Lord as I did when I was single.  Nor can I take off one day a week by myself. But I am very grateful for the years I had to lay a foundation that I am still reaping from today.  Under extreme pressure and stress I am still tempted to take control but if I listen the Holy Spirit will remind me of the truth in 2 Corinthians 6:1-10.

The benefit of being part of a church with a kingdom mindset has greatly blessed our children.  In the past few weeks I have emailed the children and youth director and each time I received a response in less than 24 hours.  Staff and volunteers were professional and helpful. Julie Durling (children’s director) called me twice outside of her office hours, another worker named Susan emailed me and encouraged me to call her anytime I had a question and offered to meet with me. Last Sunday night our shy 13 year old went to a youth group for the first time.  He was nervous and had no desire to go. Peter Dahlin,  the youth director immediately connected with Matthew and introduced him to others.  Margaret a volunteer approached us and her passion for reaching youth oozed out of her every word.  His small group leader, Ray White, helped to make him feel welcome and at ease.  They gave every first time visitor a sports bag with the youth logo and inside was a water bottle and a leather compact Bible that Matthew was very excited about using. Seeing  the volunteer and financial investment it was obvious that reaching kids is a priority and passion. 

Church size should not determine follow up. Are you the only pastor and your other staff are volunteer?  Todd and I have seen many single staff churches that were excellent at follow up. When people are valued follow up will happen.  When follow up happens a church will grow. How is your church doing with follow up?

10 More Things the Church Does That Scares the Crap Out of Me!

11.  Refuses to take risks - Fear of failure is the root of refusing to take risks.  It is the opposite of who God calls us to be.  It’s okay to be scared! It is not okay to allow it to control you.  If it were impossible to fail what would you attempt for God?  Life is too short not to go for it.  God is too big not to go for it.  If you’re not failing enough you’re not risking enough. 

12.  Pastor Driven vs. Team Driven - When I served on staff at Skyline under John Maxwell everyone knew he was the Sr. Pastor. It was also clear we were on a team.  He was a great mentor and model for the principle together everyone accomplishes more.  The congregation was part of that team and felt ownership.  This is one reason John saw such encouraging financial results with giving.

13.  Refuses to change - I will never understand why churches who are not growing refuse to change.  You may have heard that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  Enough said.  I think I have a previous blog post on Preparing Your People For Change.

14.  Is not grace filled - We should be so overcome and humbled by Gods grace that not showing grace to others is never an issue.  The Sr. Pastor is responsible for creating a culture of grace. Everything (including grace) does rise and fall on leadership.

15.  Does Not Teach Or Practice Matthew 18 - When I was a collegian a girl in our college ministry went to the pastor to request an appointment to discuss an issue she had with me.  Dennis Beatty, college pastor at the time asked her if she had spoken to me.  When she replied no he told her the biblical principle was that she talk to me first.  She never spoke to me or Dennis about the issue (whatever it was) again. I have never seen anyone model this better than Dennis, John Maxwell or Dan Reiland.  They refused to allow anyone to score an end run by going to the pastor first to gossip discuss an issue.  Unfortunately this is a problem in many churches and why our workshop on Honest Conflict Resolution vs. Peace Faking is a regular request. 

16.  Has too many ministry programs - In the local church we often equate effectiveness with how many ministries or programs you have.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Reminds me of the old quote jack of all trades but master of none.  Ever read Simple Church by Eric Geiger?  Dan Reiland recently had an excellent Pastors Coach article on this topic which you can get by email to his assistant Gail at gail.reignier@12stone.com.

17.  Does not follow up visitors - After years of seeing this it still shocks me to find non-growing churches not do follow up.  Many times over the years Todd and I have visited churches and not received a letter or call even when we have requested it.  Amazing.  In the past few months I went to two church websites requesting info on worship services and never received a response.  I recently emailed a pastor to ask about their youth ministry. He acknowledged  my email with an “I am out of town but will give you a phone call next week.”  The pastor never called.  My sister and family visited a struggling church in her city and there was no type of follow up card or tear off in the bulletin.  Though people were nice and spoke to her the potential relationship ended with that first encounter.  It’s not necessary to bombard folks with an unannounced visit but mailing a thank you card or letter with info about your church is one of the easiest things to do.  Some churches do a handwritten thank you while some send an informal email.  There are many ways to reach out to a visitor and no excuse for not doing so.  We like to make multiple suggestions to help a church choose what fits their culture.

If you feel called to have special outreach events please don’t spend the time or money without giving guests an opportunity to respond to Christ and offer follow up.  There are many creative ways to do this.

18.  Does not disciple -  Sometimes a church is good at attracting a crowd or good at leading people to Christ. But nothing much happens after conversion and people fall away.  Discipleship does not happen from the pulpit because it requires getting up close and personal. Todd and I teach that the goal of evangelism is not converts but discipleship.  One of the simplest definitions of discipleship is leading people to Christ and teaching them to obey His Word.  The most effective way I have seen deep spiritual transformation take place is through one-to-one or small group.  Jesus loved the world, helped many and discipled a few.  In Master Plan of Evangelism Billy Graham was quoted to say if he had it to do all over again he would have spent the majority of his time investing in 12 men.  Recognize that strategy?  see previous postings on Discipleship and Spiritual Transformation. 

I’ve made it a habit to never assume where a person is in their relationship with Christ even if that person is on staff at a church.  Too many times I meet with a church staff person expecting that they are asking for leadership development help and what they ask for is basic discipleship.  A few years ago I met with a women’s ministry leadership team at a church and after speaking on How to Develop a Dynamic Women’s Ministry in Your Church 8 of the 9 women present (including 2 pastors wives) asked me if I would disciple them. 

If people in your church are not being discipled, they may eventually go to another church seeking more or tragically they may fall into such sin that they spend their lives struggling vs. experiencing the abundant life that Jesus promises us. 

I enjoy working with churches who believe discipleship happens from the pulpit .  The first thing I do during the evaluation process is give the congregation an anonymous survey to reveal where they are spiritually. The results are usually shocking  to the Sr. Pastor.  It’s common for a pastor to assume his people are much further along than they actually are.  It’s also enlightening for a Sr. Pastor to sometimes see where his pastors and key people are.

19.  Does not reproduce and multiply - If a ministry does not reproduce and multiply it will eventually fizzle out.  This is a basic life principle but one that many churches have difficulty grasping.

20.  Does not develop leaders.  The one thing the greatest leaders in the world understand is that developing people is their greatest asset.  What ever vision God had called you to, you can’t do it alone.  You may see it but you need other leaders to make the dream a reality.

Most leaders have followers around them and believe this is the key to leadership.  It is unfortunate that few leaders in the church surround themselves with other leaders.  The ones who do are able to accomplish greater things for the glory of God.  Todd once consulted with a church that had great potential for growth but the Sr. Pastor did not understan leadership development. A result is that ministries eventually fizzled out and the church began to decrease year after year.  Even though the Sr. Pastor was convinced it would never work he agreed to allow Todd to mentor one-to-one with key leaders on a regular basis and also once a month at our home for dinner and leadership development.  The pastor was convinced people would not respond and claimed Todd did not understand the culture of the northeast.  Todd began to seek out and recruit the top 20%.  The response of the people was better than he expected and they were so hungry and grateful. The bottom line is they responded with great enthusiasm the whole time Todd got up close and personal offering leadership development. John Maxwell taught us that those closest to you will determine your level of success.  This is the greatest leadership principle I have learned in 25 years of ministry and the one Todd and I are the most passionate about. 

Who are you developing as a leader?

Among other things God wired me to do church consulting.  Back when I started over 25 years ago it wasn’t called that. It really didn’t have a name. Or if it did I didn’t know it. A pastor who was mentoring me when I was a collegian asked me to evaluate his ministry.  Within a week I gave him a written report with a suggested strategy to consider for improvement.  He liked my work and referred me to other pastors. They were hesitant at first because I was considered a kid who had not even finished college yet much less graduated from seminary. At his urging I began to get requests from pastors and church leaders. With every opportunity my passion for the church and experience with consulting grew and developed. 

From over 25 years of working with churches across America I want to share 10 things the church does that scares the crap out of me.  Actually there are 30 but “Top 10″ is a better title. These are not shared in any order of priority but at random. Churches scare me who…         

1.        Forget their purpose - This scares me silly but I see many churches who totally forget the purpose Jesus has for the church…the Great Commission.  I still find it odd how we can be involved in so much time consuming stuff that is only remotely related to our purpose and not even realize it.

2.  Is in denial - I have seen many churches who are in denial of where they are and how they got there. Kind of like a house is on fire but you pretend everthing is fine. Crazy. You cannot change what you don’t acknowledge.

3.  Without vision - When there is a fog in the pulpit there is a mist in the pew.  A leader without a God given vision is headed for disaster.  The vision must come from the Sr. Pastor and not another church or pastor that you heard speak at a conference.  I love Rick Warren, Bill Hybels,Andy Stanley, Perry Noble, Craig Groeschel, Mark Batterson and all those guys too. But a vison is personal and from God. Without a vision the people will perish.

4.  Without faith - We preach without faith it is impossible to please God and somehow from a multiple of reasons or excuses we forget that we need faith to experience what God wants to do in the church.  The opposite of faith is planning for those things that we can see the funding for or have the staff for.  Attempt great things for God.

5.  Is not growing.  God wants your church to grow. If anything living is not growing it is dying. Period.

6.  Is fearful.  One of the questions Bill Hybels will ask when a church is not growing is what are you fearful of?  Are you fearful of losing people? Not making everyone happy?  Failure?  Being replaced?  Losing control?  Whatever it is it will keep you from becoming what God wants.

7.  Is controlling. The second question Bill Hybels will ask when a church is not growing is what are you controlling.  Being controlling in any area is not healthy and in fact dysfunctional.  This trait is a cousin to fear and will never allow your church to flourish. A few years ago I consulted with a church in the northeast with  so much potential but in reality has not grown in over 10 years. The lead pastor is a control freak and though he wants his church to grow he is unwilling to give up conrol of anything within the church. Until he does so the church will continue to die.

8.  Is self-focused vs. Jesus focused.  Some churches are like a country club that exists for the purpose of its members vs. glorifying Christ.  When ever you put yourself ahead of Jesus you are more self-focused.

9.  Is not a praying church.  What happened to my father’s house being a house of prayer?  We often forget this and think taking a minute to ask God to bless what we are doing is it.  Without prayer a church will never experience the supernatural power available for the asking.  It was so refreshing to visit the Tuesday night prayer meeting that Pastor Jim Cymbala started at the Brooklyn Tabernacle in NYC.  To get a seat I always arrived about 2 hours early to attend this prayer meeting. The large sanctuary was always packed with folks from every age group and represented about 100 different countries.  It is the responsibility of the Sr. Pastor to create a culture of prayer dependence and power.

10.  Does not do regular evaluations.   Most people understand to stay healthy regular checkups are needed.  The same is true for the church.  The Sr. Pastor can do this himself if he knows the questions to ask and is a strategic thinker. It is helpful to bring in someone from the outside who can offer more objectivity and discernment.  Be careful to consult with someone who has the discernment and integrity to be honest with you.  This is not a given.  Unfortunately I have seen church consultants who would share their evaluation with me but lacked the courage to share the whole deal with the church that was paying them.  Look for a consultant who will personalize a strategy to fit your vision vs. offer the same plan they give every other church around. This is far too common among consultants. If a church thinks they need but cannot afford to hire a consultant they should pray and ask God to provide one anyway.  My organizaion works pro bono for churches that need help but truthfully lack the resources. 

Okay.  This if 10 from my list of 30 things. What would you add?

Last week my sister had to call the fire department because her kitchen caught on fire.  Because they acted quickly the fire was contained and the damage was minimal.  It reminded me of a time when my kitchen caught on fire while living in La Jolla, CA.  Wish I could say I acted quickly but I didn’t.  In fact I just continued what I was doing because I assumed it was a false alarm.  I was meeting in my office with a student for discipleship and expected one of my roomies to reset the alarm. Problem was no one was home. Long story short is that though the house was saved and no one was hurt, we did have damage in the kitchen and it could have been much worse. I realized later that the fire was my fault because I had not turned the stove completely off when assuming I had.  Assuming is not a good thing and especially when it is an alarm.  The purpose of an alarm is to save lives.  This morning as I was reading over some church consulting material I got to thinking about how we as leaders can ignore alarms.  Not very smart but it happens all the time.  Here are  5 ministry alarms that we should always respond to:

1.           Declining personal devotions.  For the Christian leader this is the most deadly alarm to ignore.  Without a consistent quiet time with the Lord everything will begin to crumble. Sure a person can go on natural gifts and abilities for a while but eventually it will all crash.  John 15:5 is one of many verses to support this Biblical principle. 
2.           Declining family time. How is your time with your spouse? Do you have a regular date night?  Do you invest time to connect?  Do you keep short accounts? How is your relationship with your children?  How are they doing?  Whenever you put your ministry ahead of your family watch out.  Sure there can be crunch times like special projects or deadlines you are working on.  But whenever you short change your spouse or children it will destroy what you are working so hard to accomplish.  Not to mention that we can miss out on the greatest blessing God has given us.
3.           Declining Vision.  Have you been so busy that you have forgotten your vision?  Do your team members know it?  I’ve seen it happen time and time again…a person gets so busy that they forget it and that means everyone around them will also forget it.  Are you recruiting to a vision? Without a vision the people will perish.
4.           Declining Passion.  Are you excited about Jesus?  Are  you passionate about following him?  Do you feel ablaze for God?  Passion is like cream in your cofffee.  Without this you miss the best part.  For you non-coffee drinkers what about sugar in your cake?
5.           Declining Growth. Is your church growing?  Are people coming to Christ?  It’s a temptation to live in denial and ignore a decline in your church.  But the principle still stands if you are not growing you are dying.  Are you growing?  Do you have a personal growth plan?  If you are not growing you are dying.

Have you experienced any of these alarms recently?  At the next post let’s discuss healthy ways to respond.

I remember 25 years ago when Skip Gray, (who btw is one of the best staff by far The Navigators ever had) informed me that your best ministry opportunity will never be 9-5. Skip was speaking at a Campus Outreach Christmas conference for college students in Gatlinburg, TN.  Soon after when I went on staff at UCSD for ministry to students I quickly found out that was very true.  Good thing I was a night person at the time.   I didn’t get a lot of sleep but we had a great time and built lots of wonderful memories.  During my nine years at UCSD many students came to Christ, were discipled and are laboring in the harvest today. 

Little did I know that statement would one day make me a better parent. Your best ministry opportunity will not be 9-5. Last night I had a full day and was grateful that I could go to bed at 11PM.  Since becoming a mother I have become more of a morning person.  I slipped into bed and my son sat on the edge and talked. I told Matthew it was past his bedtime and I got up to tuck him in and pray with him. I discerned that I had a window of opportunity.  My introvert son who often keeps his feelings and thoughts to himself was still in the mood to talk. We talked for at least an hour and I never once looked at the clock.  Our time was more precious than gold to me.  I would have continued but he looked at the clock and said he was ready to go to sleep.  As I left the room I remembered the words of Skip Gray and prayed that I would see every opportunity before this window is closed forever.

Recently I heard an interview with a newly drafted NFL player on the radio. Sorry that I can’t remember his name.  The player became an orphan and homeless at a young age.  When he was a teenager he met a Christian family who adopted him.  The interviewer asked him “What was the best thing about being adopted?”  The football player paused for a moment and then said “being tucked in.”  I cried upon hearing his statement and the words resonated within my heart. 

Holiness is a scriptural principle.  The word holy in various forms is found more than 600 times in the Bible.  God commands us to be holy (Leviticus 11:44).  There are many false concepts of how to actually live a holy life.  In some circles holiness is equated with with a list of do’s and don’ts.  When we follow this approach we are in danger of living like the Pharisees which can result in self-righteousness, pride and legalism. And for still others it means unattainable perfection, an idea that can result in discouragement and defeat about one’s sin. 

Living a holy life means to live in conformity to the moral precepts of the Bible in contrast to the sinful ways of the world.  It is the ongoing process of being shaped into the image of Christ.  Seel Romans 8:29 & 12:2.  This transformation is a journey of learning to think, feel and act like Jesus. Is it really possible to live a holy life in our times?  Does God actually expect this of us?  I believe the Lord would never ask us to do something that is impossible.  As Christians we are to live a holy life “Since then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go.  It’s rotten through an through.  Get rid of it!  And then take on an entirely new way of life, a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces His character in you.  What this adds up to, then, is this:  no more lies, no more pretense.”  Ephesians 4:22-24

If holiness is so basic to the Christian life, why do we not experience it in daily living?  Why do so many Christians feel defeated in their struggle with sin?  Why do so many churches seem to be more conformed to the world around it than to God?  The answers to these questions will be answered in the next post. 

In the meantime, what are your thoughts on holiness?  When is the last time holiness was taught in your church?

(For more info on holiness see previous post on American Discipleship, Spiritual Transformation)

Satan is ticked off!  At you.  He hates you. He is scared of the vision God has given you.  He is scared of your faith, passion and willingness to be used by God.  He is scared of your surrender, your brokkeness and especially your burden to reach the lost.  You are going after people that are currently his.  The enemy is scared of any Christian leader that will co-labor with the King of Kings.  Don’t think for a minute that he will go down without a fight. Remember Scripture teaches he is going down. Because Greater is He that is in us, than he that is in the world.  But the fact remains if you answered yes to any of the questions above and you are a pastor or missionary you will experience spiritual warfare on a magnitude that most people cannot identify with.  

Satan concentrates on pastors, missionaries and other Christian leaders because he knows if he can get them he may also influence thousands of others by his diabolical plan.  The Word teaches he will attempt to keep people from trusting Christ in the first place. But if they do embrace Jesus, he makes every attempt to keep them from growing and developing.  If he is not successful at that, he will spend years in an effort to cause the Christian to fall. 

Sometimes one of the most weakest areas for a Christian leader is to continually yield hour by hour to God’s Holy Spirit.  We get busy “serving the Lord” and doing so many things that we can began to cheat our personal communion time with Him.  We are not keeping the communication lines open with God as Scripture commands us.  When we do this we are no longer plugged into the power. Ministry will cease to be an overflow of our walk with the Lord.  Instead it becomes a task that we do in the flesh.  We depend on gifting and experience vs. the power of the Holy Spirit.  Sometimes ministry can come between you and God. Please don’t allow this.  When that happens you are wide open for the enemy to attack head on.  You are no match for that battle.  But Jesus in you is.  We must rely on Christ vs. ourselves  for the battle to be won.

I believe Satan often temps us in an area where we seem most vulnerable.  This can be different with each person.  If you have issues with pride, jealously, insecurity, anger, fear or other undesirable traits, he may zero in on those weak areas.  If he can’t get you then he will go after those closest to you.  He will go after your spouse or children. He may go after your inner circle or your team. 

Although we are assured of victory, we must engage in the struggle until Christ comes, because Satan is going to battle against all who are on the Lord’s side.  We need supernatural power to defeat Satan and God has provided that in His Holy Spirit within us and His armor.  (Ephesians 6:10-20)  When (not if) you become discouraged in the battle, remember Jesus words to Peter:  Upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell shall not preail against it.  Matthew 16:18

Are you putting your armor on every day?

Honesty is important in any relationship. It is a requirement for authenticity.  But sometimes the church reminds me of the the court room scene in the movie “A Few Good Men” with Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson.  Do you remember that?  Jack is being interrogated by Tom Cruise and then screams “You can’t handle the truth.”  Have you known people like that?  You begin to ask  questions  or share observations and they freak out.  And then maybe turn on you.   All of a sudden they don’t want a relationship with you and blow you off.  They don’t return calls or emails. Maybe they leave the church.

Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation church posted a great blog in 2008 titled “People Will Turn On You.”  But if we don’t let people in we will never become all that God wants us to be.  Nor will be be effective in ministry.  Even if one is not in ministry, a life without rich relationships is a pitiful and lonely existance.  Going deep with individuals is a requirement for real fellowship.  Our responsibility is to work through the pain of relationships, discover what we can learn from the experience, get up, brush ourselves off and continue the race. 

The following is an excerpt from Pastor Craig Groeschel in his book “It” on ministry in the church:  “It’s not surprising that many twenty-first century people are afraid.  With as much relational pain as they endure, especially those who have served in ministry and leadership roles, it’s no wonder they’re gun shy.  Amy and I talk often about our ministry scars.  We’ve lost some of our closest friends to misunderstandings and false accusations.  Doing what we believed was the right thing, we’ve had to fire people we cared about.  Some still hate us to this day.  Good friends have left the church bitter at us, or God, or both.  People we opened up to betrayed confidences, dragging us through awkward seasons of pain and fear.  For a while, we didn’t ever want to trust again.”

Regardless of past pain and current fear, God want’s you to share your life with others.  Beware of the temptation to protect yourself by becoming emotionally isolated and independent.  Watch carefully against the attitude of tolerating one another. (see previous post titled “Do You Love People or Just Think You Do?” ) To be independent is to be distinctly non-Christian.  God designed us to be inter-dependent.  To experience the rich and abundant life that God desires for us we must live in authentic community with God’s people. 

Are you afraid to trust people because of past hurt?  Has a betrayal motivated you to set up relational walls?  Do you feel that something is missing in your life?

Here is a verse that has helped me through every time someone has turned on me:  No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgement shall be condemned.  This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from me says the Lord.  Isaiah 54:17

Aaron’s dream was another reminder to me that we are indeed in a war.  Throughout scripture we are taught that the enemy will always come after the leader’s family.  I was also reminded of this in a blog today by Pastor Perry Noble.  www.PerryNoble.com  Here is a summary of his post…

“In Matthew 10:34-39 Jesus clearly tells those He has called and gifted your life is not going to be one of relaxation and enjoyment on a consistent basis. 

It amazes me the number of times Jesus clearly told people in the Gospels that following would cause controversies and divisions.  It you want a nice, quiet, peaceful life; the ministry is not a place for that.  We will experience family problems, we will experience emotional problems, and we will experience spiritual warfare on a magnitude that most people cannot identify with.

When we begin to do effective ministry the target on our backs for every demon in Hell to take a shot at gets larger and larger so if peace, prosperity and niceness is something we achieve to, ministry should not be the road we go down. 

Jesus never promised us a peaceful life this side of eternity.  In fact, He promised the opposite.  We should not be surprised when all hell breaks loose…because it usually means the stage is being set for God to show how AWESOME He really is.” 

What has been your experience with spiritual warfare? 

We will continue with this topic ‘Ministry Ain’t For Sissies” tomorrow.

After praying with Matthew at his bedside and tucking him in, I thanked the Lord that he saw the importance of loving others even if they were a little different.  Both of my sons learned that this boy has never been to a VBS and does not attend church anywhere.  I learned again that God will put people into our lives for a reason.  And that He blesses us so that we can be a blessing to others. 

“The Great Commisson is not an option to be considered, but a command to be obeyed.”  Hudson Taylor

For me to live with the end in mind means that I will make prayerful decisions for the greatest impact in regard to my relationship with God, family and ministry.  This birthday is a great reminder that I am at a stage in life where working harder and doing more are not the answer.  My focus must be on working smarter and making wise and relevant kingdom choices as I stare down my final run.  When you are aware of what is your last 15 plus working years decisions are more costly.  I feel young and think young but when I see kids graduating from college, getting married and having babies that I babysat for I am reminded my 20’s are long gone.

In addition to being a godly wife and mother, I am passionate about helping stagnant churches and investing in the next generation of leaders.  I feel called to equip and mobilize multiplying church leaders.  Coaching and seeing people find their place in the kingdom energizes me.  I believe I still have have much to accomplish personally, especially through writing, but the focus of my ministry investment in the kingdom is being a catalyst for growth.

Have you found your sweet spot?

1.  Time Together - Choosing to take the 11 hour drive was a good decision.  No only did we have the week in Williamsburg but we had the travel time in the car.

2.  Short Accounts - We really tried to encourage short accounts. (Quick to ask forgiveness and deal with any conflict.)

3.  Simple Things - It’s not about money that  you spend but simple things in life that you enjoy together.  Cooking together at the condo, grocery shopping together, swimming together, late nights by the pool, taking the boys to ride go-karts, board games and taking walks.  Not having wi-fi or cell service at our condo turned out to be a big plus. I confess I did twitter some if we were driving in an area where I had phone service but most of the time I was unplugged.

4.  New Things - There is something about new experiences that bonds people together.  We explored some new areas of Williamsburg that we did not see on our last visit and this allowed us to build new memories.  Learning together draws people closer. 

During dinner after returning home the boys wanted to talk about “what was your favorite part of vacation?”  Honestly it is hard to pick just one thing.  After being pressured to choose I did narrow it down to two things…sitting out by the pool together at night and talking and floating on the “Lazy River” on a 2-person float with my husband for two hours. 

After writing these things I have to parallel it with my relationship with our Heavenly Father.  What are the Top 4 ways to have a great relationship with God?  They really are similar…

1.  Time Together - Scripture tells us in James to Draw near to God and He will draw near to us. Just as this is true with people in your life it is also true with with God.  Regular time in prayer and His Word is the primary way to have a growing relationship with the Lord.  Meeting with the Lord on a daily basis is key even if it is just for 10-15.  As you grow that time will increase.

2.  Short Accounts - Unconfessed sin in our lives will always break our fellowship with God.  Spiritual maturity is not someone who never blows it but someone is is quick to confess sin and deal with it.  Beware of the temptation to whitewash sin.  Because of our pride and fallen nature we will be tempted not to be honest with God and others.  In place of lying one might be tempted to say “mislead.”  Or “said something I should not” instead of gossip.  What about “sharing a prayer request” vs. slander.  Recently heard someone say “I was unfaithful to my wife” instead of I lied to her and committed adultery.  Why is it that we choose the word unfaithful or crossed the line instead of calling it what it is?  This is an example of our pride and not dealing thoroughly with our sin.  I John 1:9 tells us that If we confess our sins he will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

3.  Simple Things - Living as a passionate follower of Christ is not complicated.  It is a result of simple things…surrender, prayer and obedience to His Word.

4.  New Things - Something that is not growing is dying. Whether it be a person, a marriage or a church.  New life will always bring new things.  How are you growing?  This will often require stepping out in faith which will require trust.  Those who grow the most are willing to take risks and try new things.

Which of these 4 do you feel the most challenged by?  What would you add to this list?

1. Consistent devotional life (prayer & in Word apart from Bible study prep)
2. Consistent family time
3. Consistent day off

But there is a 4th area that I neglected which is diet and exercise.  To serve Jesus well we must be as diligent in this area as the other three.  This month Todd and I made a decision to eat healthier and get in shape.  We have cut out processed food, unhealthy fats, sugar, white flour, soda, fried foods and high fat dairy.  I’m not saying we will never eat fried okra or fresh peach cobbler again but we are going to get our unhealthy weight off and make better choices so that we can labor for a lifetime. 

Even when you feel good it is still important to take time off.  This means a regular off day each week in addition to a vacation a couple times per year.  In one hour we leave for a vacation week in Virginia.  Someone in the church blessed us with a week at his resort condo.  We accepted.  As much as I enjoy blogging I will be unplugged while we are out of town.  My husband and children appreciate my undivided attention so they will have it.  Expect it will be okay to post cell phone pics on facebook every now and then.  You can also follow me on twitter @DuAnneSeeley. 

What do you do to unwind?

What do you think of when you read this stuff?  If Jesus were behind you in the grocery store line, what would he say?  How would he respond to the people?  I wonder if he would confront the system of our world?  We read in Scripture that he did.  What would he teach about how our culture values hotness over holiness?  Greed over generosity?  Celebrity over celebrating Christ?  Do you ever get sucked into what’s going on with Brad and Angelina more than what is going on with your neighbor?  Or the latest with Jon & Kate?   How would he address Christians today with our disconnect between Christianity and holiness as we are commanded all throughout Scripture?

Wouldn’t you love to see this on a magazine cover the next time you are in the grocery store line…Top 10 ways to live a holy life.  Can you imagine?  What do you think about this topic?

When I was young I had several Christian heroes.  Not being raised in a Christian home, I was hungry for role models.  I was a voracious reader so authors like Hudson Taylor, Henrietta Mears, David Wilkinson, Corrie ten Boom, Dawson Trotman and Billy Graham became my heroes.  God used these men and women in my life to help shape who I am today.  Who would have dreamed that one day I would work for the organization Dawson Trotman started or move to the NYC where David Wilkinson lives and mentor one of his staff at Times Square Church? 

What happens if a pastoral hero falls morally such as Gary Lamb admitted to at Revolution church last Sunday?  That happened to me as a young believer when I was a teen.  This can be painful and confusing.  After going through this experience 3 times I began to question what traits put someone on my hero list.  The result was that I narrowed the qualifications.  The focus became more who they were in the heart vs. what they did.  The inside vs. the outside.  Character vs. charisma.  Were they just starting out in ministry, in the middle or had they rounded 3rd base and close to the finish line?

People on my hero list today may be for different things.  My husband, for his humility,  integrity and his willingness to forsake all for Christ.  Billy Graham for evangelism.  Frank Barker for holiness and prayer.  John Maxwell for leadership.  Dan Reiland for wisdom, heart for pastors and the local church.  Anne Graham Lotz for teaching Jesus.  Missionaries who are serving in the middle of nowhere and pastors who are serving average size churches who are living a holy life and faithful to Jesus, their family and the church, you too, are numbered among my heroes. 

As I live more years I see heroes can fall.  Any of us can whenever we take our eyes off Jesus.  For you readers today I pray I Corinthians 9:24-27.  Please pray this for me too, so that “lest possibly, after I have preached to others, I myself should be disqualified”

Would love to hear who your heroes are.

Dr. Steven Berglas, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School believes that people lacking strong character are destined for one or more of the four A’s:  Arrogance, painful feelings of aloneness, destructive adventure seeking or adultery.  What can you do if you find yourself lacking a strong character? Or maybe you have already experienced one of the four A’s that Dr. Berglas identifies.  What now?  Immediately call a time out.  Step away from some of the stress of your life and seek good professional counseling.  Don’t buy into the lie that this is a phase which will pass.  Trust me it will not go away.  Unaddressed it will only grow and become more destructive.

While waiting for that counseling appointment here are 4 things you can do:

1.  Recall.  Look at every area of your life and see where you have compromised and let people down.  Write down every instance you can recall from the last 3 months. 

2.  Repair.  Look at the list you just wrote down.  Are there patterns?  Is there a weak area that keeps surfacing?  You can’t repair what you don’t acknowledge.

3.  Repent.  Ask God to help you write down a list of people that you need to apologize to.  Follow through with sincere apologies.

4. Rebuild.  After repenting comes rebuilding your character.  There are no short cuts to rebuilding your character and this will take some time.  Create a growth plan that will help you become the man or woman that God wants you to be.  Invite people into your life to be part of this process.  A counselor will be one of your resources for rebuilding.

As we develop or rebuild our character we will have the peace and fulfillment that comes from living the life God desires for us.  And we will experience a life that God blesses.

Sometimes the character path seems very difficult. I remember a time when  a staff person in an organization lied to support a decision he had made.  We knew the truth but decided to take a higher road and trust in the sovereignty of God.  Sometimes it’s tough not to take matters into your own hands.  The Lord continues to teach me that I can’t control a lot of circumstances in life but I can choose my character. 

The adversity and stress of life does not make our character but it will reveal it. We can achieve success in marriage, ministry, career,etc. but if our character is lacking we are headed for a fall.

Every child growing up has basic emotional needs.  These needs are put in the heart of each person by God.  We are not only physical beings but emotional and spiritual.  It is my responsibility to meet the needs of my children from the time they are born until they are grown.  These needs include feeling loved, worthwhile, a sense of belonging, relatively free from fear, and relatively free from false guilt.  Families should be living in such a way that the emotional needs of children are being met daily.  The greatest responsibility given to Todd and I (other than sharing the Gospel with them) is for them to leave home at 18 with a strong, healthy, Biblical based self image.

Unfortunately in many homes parents may not be aware of these emotional needs much less meeting them.  Parents can come from dysfunctional homes, have their own personal baggage and stress in life.  Sometimes a father or mother may be so caught up in their own resentment, anger or issues that they feel it impossible to nuture their own children the way they need.  Because a couple never saw a godly marriage modeled growing up they have no clue what a healthy marriage looks like.

A person can grow up and not really be aware of the emotional deprivations which stem from childhood.  But they are there just the same.  For example, a person may have many dysfunctional feelings that he is unaware of and he may throw himself into his ministry with great force, never realizing he is trying to meet those emotional needs that were never met.  Of course ministry, marriage, relationships, career success, sex or money will never meet those needs in your heart.  Until these deep issues are dealt with you will not be able to have the self image built on Christ that is necessary for effective leadership. Not to mention the ongoing problems that will rise up in every area of your life.

When a person falls morally, their actions may shock and surprise folks.  But a professionally trained person who has been observing this man or woman could have predicted that it would undoubtedly happen sooner or later.  When our lives are marked by childhood emotional deprivation, we will go to almost any extent in an effort to meet those needs.  If a Christian leader is insecure or has other personality problems, he becomes a sitting duck for almost any sinful thing that comes his way. 

Yesterday in my post Top Ten Lessons We Can Learn From A Fallen Pastor I spoke of the importance of getting real and knowing yourself.  I suggested that a pastor see a professional counselor on occasion for check ups and evaluation.  This is especially important in your 20’s and 30’s.  It is critical to get any issues dealt with so that you are not headed for a fall.  I saw my first counselor in my early 20’s and it was very beneficial.  Desiring to be as healthy as possible I still include books on emotional health in my personal growth plan.  One that I highly recommend is The Emotionally Healthy Church by Pete Scazzero.  Even if you are not in ministry I highly recommend it.  This book is often on the life coaching reading list that I recommend. 

Are you headed toward a fall?  What are you doing to maintain emotional and spiritual health?

In the past few years you have probably heard of pastors who fell morally.  Maybe you have even had to hear your own pastor confess to this sin.  I have certainly counseled more than a few people who had a Christian spouse who committed adultery.  What can we learn from them?  How can we ensure that the same thing does not happen to us? Here are 10  lessons for Christian Leaders but any Christain can apply…

1.  Get Real.  Most people don’t plan to have an affair. And most of them think it could never happen to them. Be smarter than this. I don’t care who you are or what you do, we are capable of any sin.  When you think you are above adultery you are unwise and Satan is laughing all the way to the bank.  You will never have the protection you need before first knowing that you need it.  Before you can get real you really need to know yourself.  How well do you know yourself?  I suggest seeing the best counselor you can find at least once every couple of years.  Although we may be shocked by the news of a person falling into sin, we can usually be assured that the problem has existed in some form for many years.  Serious problems have long root systems.  Problems don’t just happen; they usually start small in one’s early years, then grow and grow.  The person may have struggled with a problem for decades.  Be real with a professional counselor and deal with your issues on the front end of a potential moral failure.

2.  Ask  For Accountability.  By accountability I don’t mean people who have you on a pedestal and think you are all that.  Surround yourselves by godly men (or women if you are female) who are going to be in your face honest and see you for what you are, a sinner saved by grace.  It would be great to have 2-3 men to hold you accountable but you have to have one.  If you don’t have accountability it is because you don’t want it.  Not because you can’t find it.  I read that when Howard Hendricks holds a pastor accountable he will ask him 10 questions and the #10 question is “now which of these have you lied about today?”   Have men on your accountability team who have the guts and courage to challenge you. 

3. Guard Your Daily Quiet Time. Are you having daily devotional time? When Todd and I do church consulting we are amazed at the number of pastors who are not consistent in having a daily devotion.  It’s so easy to buy into the lie that Sermon Prep, Bible study, prayer for God’s blessing or prayer for his people is a quiet time.  It is not.  The lack of a regular devotion is not a schedule problem it is a love problem.  If you are not faithful in your devotional life your ministry will never be from an overflow of your walk with God.  Without this what you are building will eventually crumble.

4.  Keep Short Accounts With God And Others. If you have unconfessed sin in your life you are vunerable to bigger sin.  Deal with it.  Small things grow into big things.

5.  Write A List Of The Consequences.  I heard a Nav Staff conference speaker by the name of Skip Gray share once the consequences have already been decided, you simply make a decison regarding the cost.  I challenge you to stop what you are doing right now and type out a list of the consequences that an affair would have on your life, family and ministry.  Be detailed.  Print the list out and keep it in your wallet. Share it with your accountaility group and read it on a regular basis.

6. Take Time Off.  Maybe your church thinks you are Samson and admire you because you are such a hard worker.  I’ve been a pastor and I am in full time ministry now so I’m going to be candid with you.  If you don’t take time off you are so full of pride that you stink.  Not to mention selfish which I will touch on in a minute.  God created the heavens and earth and then on the 7th day he rested.  When you don’t take time off you are living in disobedience to Scripture.  God has a reason for every principle in the Bible.  Trust that God is smarter than you are and take your off time each week.  And take at least 2 weeks vacation each year.  If you try to tell anyone you can’t afford it you are living in la la land.  Show me a person who is not taking regular time off and I will show you someone who is not right with God.  If you are not taking time off you communicate that you love the ministry more than you love the God whom you claim to serve.

7.  Establish And Write Out Integrity Convictions.  A few of mine:  Never travel alone with person of opposite sex.  Don’t have one on one meeting or lunch with opposite sex.  Etc.  Etc.  These may sound rigid to the world but will help to protect you.  I will meet with two or more men for a lunch or meeting but never one on one.  Scripture tells us to avoid even the appearance of evil. 

8.  Enable Your Wife To Interview Any Potential Assistant.  Years ago I heard Miles McPherson, Pastor of The Rock Church in San Deigo speak about the built in radar that women have.  His presentation was funny but true.  Women are naturally intuitive and can usually see things you will not.  If your wife has a gut feeling listen to her.  If you are smart you will.

9.  Date Your Wife.  Sex is great and is a wonderful gift from God for a married couple.  Do you want maximum sex?  Would you like your wife to initiate sex so often that you feel like you are newly married?  Romance your wife.  Romance does not start in the bedroom it starts days before.  Date her.  Minister to her. Treat her like you did before you knew you had her.  Talk to her.  Listen with the heart. Ask her questions.  Hopefully you know what communicates love to her.  Affirm her.  Pray with for her and with her.  Don’t allow unresolved issues between the two of you.  Studies show that sex is more satisfying between two people who are committed,  married and love each other.  Remember that love is a choice. If you need help with how to romance your wife please invest in some books on the subject.  It will be money well spent.  And you will be glad you did. Promise.

10.  Guard Your Eyes.  Remember the childrens song with the lyrics Be careful little eyes what you see?  This song communicates the biblical principle of guarding your heart.  Webster defines guard as keeping safe from harm.  How well do you guard your heart?  Your eyes?  Last January Todd and I had a pastor share with us that he and his pastoral staff view R rated movies.  Their reasoning was so that they would be in touch with the culture and relevant.  They also frequented bars to help them stay in touch.  Same with TV shows.  People (and especially men) are visual and nudity on screen or seeing sex scenes will not help you to live the holy life to which we have been called.  Do you struggle with lust?  Trash on the screen will only fuel an unholy life. 

This is a huge issue to address on a blog.  You could write a book on each lesson with plenty of Scripture to study. This post is not even the tip of the iceberg.  Later in the week I will talk more about root issues, holiness and restoration.  What would you add to this?

When a Christian leader falls, it should cause all of us who are born again to fall on our knees and ask the Lord to help us be loving and compassionate.  God very plainly says to us in Galatians 6:1, If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day is out.  stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law.  If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.  (Msg)

I have become one of those people who enjoys having 5-10 minutes to wake up before I actually get out of bed each morning.  An alarm is usually not necessary for me but I use one anyway.  Since receiving a Blackberry from Todd on Valentine’s Day, this is what I use.  As soon as I dismiss the alarm the emails and text messages download.  Next I read any items that look good.  It is a blessing that I am a fast reader. Always on my list…anything personal to me along with blogs/newsletters from folks such as Perry Noble, Mark Batterson, Dan Reiland’s Pastor’s Coach, etc.   These leaders challenge and stretch me.  I love this time of personal growth.

This morning I received a newsletter from Chris Conrad.  Chris is a pastor and church planting coach.  He is an amazing person (so is his mom) and the best friend a church planter can have.  I believe today was his most powerful newsletter EVER.  A big shout out to Chris!  Today he shared his thoughts on what we preach about.  And the difference between preaching our own personal vision and agenda vs. preaching Christ.  Powerful!  Such an awesome post.  Can’t link you to his newsletter but if you want a copy you can email him at conradc@wesleyan.org. 

Being a creature of habit I grab a cup of coffee (Todd gets up earlier than I and brews it)  along with my Bible and journal.  90% of the time I choose my back patio garden area for my morning time with the Lord.  Sipping my hot cup of joe I turn to John 14 this morning.  Vs. 6 pierces my heart…I am the way, the truth and the life.  I open another Bible and read I am the Road, also the Truth, also the Life.  I’ve read these verses so many times but today I am struck by the simplicity of this truth, yet we (I) can so easily miss it. 

Jesus is the #1 key to everything. Personal growth, relationship growth, church growth.  Jesus is the key to every marriage problem. Jesus is the key to every decision you are in the process of making. Jesus is the key to your state of mind. Jesus is the key to building that dynamic youth ministry.  Jesus is the key to peace.  Not books, formal education, conferences or anything else, though these things can be good.  JESUS is the key to everything.

What do you think about this?

A few years ago Todd and I did consulting for a church in the northeast.  The church had a beautiful facility in a highly populated area with multiple staff  but had been declining for over 12 years.  After an evaluation it was clear the church desired to grow but had lost sight of their purpose.  Reaching the lost was not the highest priority.  It was clear they had forgotten their purpose.

As a church consultant I have seen churches all around the country who have forgotten their purpose.  I like to ask 30 evaluation questions to determine the health of a church.  One of the most revealing questions is  “how many people have come to Christ in the past 10 years?  Past 5 years?  Luke 19:10 says For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.  This is our purpose. 

I love the local church and I love what I do.  I am so excited to help declining churches.  If a church is willing to make some changes I believe they can reach the lost and they will grow. 

We pray that you will live well for the Master, making Him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard.  As you learn more how God works you will learn how to do your work.”  Col. 1:10-11 (Msg)

In  my lifetime I have served at a variety of churches and organizations either on pastoral staff or temporary consultant.  The difference in those who develop leaders and those who do not are night and day.  A church that does not develop other leaders will never see the success that God intended.  The question some ask is why would any pastor ignore the principle of empowerment?  Here are 4 reasons:

1.  The pastor does not understand how.  A seminary degree does not mean that a pastor is a leader or has been equipped to develop leaders. 

2.  The pastor is insecure.  The root of insecurity is fear.  Fear of being replaced or fear of failure will always hinder someone from empowering others.  A symptom of insecurity is micro-management which will always hinder someone from living out the principle of empowering others.

3.  The pastor does not understand church growth.  I believe that every pastor would like to grow his church.  When a church does not grow it indicates a pastor does not understand how to overcome obstacles to do so.  Practicing empowerment is a requirement of church growth. 

4.  The pastor lacks vision.  Scripture teaches that “without vision the people will perish.”  Without vision a pastor will usually just go through the motions and live the tyranny of the urgent.  The problem is that when a pastor lacks vision he is usually too blind to see it. A result will be that he struggles with attracting folks to the church or if they do visit they will not stay.  The people who do stay because of their commitment to the church will thirst for the motivation and excitement that comes from being part of a vision imparted by the Sr. Pastor. 

I’m excited that when we develop other leaders, our leadership will never be limited to:

• Only the the personal leadership ability and gifts we can offer.
• Only the boundaries of our own wisdom.
• Only the generation we live in.
• Only the scope of our own influence.

Before we can empower another we must first be supernaturally empowered ourselves.  Whenever someone is filled with the Holy Spirit. something happens.  Empowered leaders receive God’s power, then empower others.

Some leaders work within situations, transformational leaders change situations.  Some leaders accept talk about change, transformational leaders change what can be talked about.  Some leaders talk about benefits; transformational leaders talk about vision and dreaming big.  Some leaders talk about what they can accomplish; transformational leaders talk about how “teamwork makes the dream work.”  (borrowed from John Maxwell)

I believe the world is desperate for transformational leadership.  When we look at Jesus we can become leaders who create vision and empower change.  Through Jesus we can become a transformational leader.  Are you a transformational leader?

Because it is our nature to desire harmony it is easy to feel the temptation to be a superhero. Especially a Christian leader.  Have people ever expected you to be superman or superwoman, solving every problem on your own?  How did you respond to these expectations?

When we penetrate our culture the church will reach those without Christ.  Bill Hybels once said that if your church is not growing you need to ask why.  When working with churches he will ask what are you afraid of and what are you controlling?

On a personal level ~ when is the last time that you shared the Gospel with someone?  Do you have a list of non-believing friends that  you are praying for?  What about a “Top Ten” most wanted list?  If you don’t have anyone to pray for in addition to family how about asking  the Lord to put someone who needs Him in your life. He will.

I love to see where our culture is. What people are drawn to.  I love to see evidence in print of our need for Christ. Not that I don’t know this info already but somehow it deepens my burden for people when I see it with my own eyes.  A bookstore visit motivates me to pray more. It reminds me of the importance of kingdom living.  If reconnects me with the world around me.

This favorite place of mine also gets me excited about writing.  I have a couple of projects going and recently had contact from a book agent and we are scheduled to talk again in a couple of weeks.  Guess I will need to make a deadline commitment now.

Where is one of your favorite places to spend some off time?

1.  The Holy Spirit

2.  Spiriutal Disciplines

3.  Key Relationships

4.  Pain and suffering

Checkpoint:  Are you walking in the power of the Holy Spirit?  Do you keep short accounts with God and others? Are you practicing spiritual disciplines?  Do you have key relationships?  People who walk with Christ, ask you hard questions and are not afraid to be honest with you?  Do you invite these kind of relationships into your life or shun them?  Are you a good steward of pain and suffering?

Discipleship flourishes when we present the Gospel as a journey of transformation.   The problem with our culture is that we have created and taught a faith that doesn’t transform people.  There is often such a disconnect between Christianity and holiness.  In Scripture this kind of Christianity doesn’t exist. 

I fear that because we have preached this kind of gospel, a number of people think they are Christians/saved/born again when they really are not.  We make the test for salvation doctrinal rather than behavioral, ritualizing it with walking down an aisle, saying a prayer or signing a doctrinal statement.  Personally I was a church members for years before I became a Christian.  I had an intellectual belief but not a Biblical faith. 

American Discipleship has led to what some call bar-code Christians…people who belive the right things but don’t follow Jesus.  The real Gospel requires us to repent of our sin.  To believe means to follow Jesus daily.  The Gospel requires us to make disciples who learn to obey everything Christ taught.  By their fruits you will know them.  The evidence of Christianity is living a life of transformation.  I’m not talking about earning salvation but the proof of salvation.  Bill Hull suggested we ask Does the gospel we teach produce disciples or does it produce consumers of religious goods and services. ”

Are you more like Jesus today? How have you grown in holiness since becoming a Christian?

1.  Not a Program

The most common mistake is turning discipleship into a curriculum that a person completes.  Instead of supporting an ongoing process, a program focuses on finishing material or learning information.  Because discipleship is about a choice to follow Jesus, it needs to be a way of life for all of life.  Discipleship is the heart of what it means to be a Christian.

2.  Not a Production Line

At one time in my life I thought of discipleship as a production plan based on multiplication for reaching the world.  The truth is only disciples who are passionate for Christ will be able to sustain any effort to reach others around them.  I have learned that discipleship is much more about the depth of character and spiritual passion of each disciple than it is a plan for church growth.

3.  Not Just For New Christians

When I hear people communicate that discipleship is for new Christians I cringe.  It is a huge mistake to think that anyone arrives or is beyond the basics.  Far too many Christians no longer practice the basics and are out of shape spiritually. 

4.  Not Just For Leaders

Sometimes lay people feel inferior spiritually to those who are in leadership or who are in full time ministry.  Sure, pastors know more about religious matters than most lay people but this doesn’t mean they are more spiritual.  The starting point and goal of spiritual formation and discipleship is transformation to the image of Christ.  To goal of discipleship is for us to be more like Jesus, thinking how he thinks, feeling as he feels, loving as he loves and living as He wants us to live.

5.  Not Just For People Who Like Structure

Remember that discipleship is not a program, although many of us have been taught that it is.  Sure there have been tools published to help us.  Todd and I even developed the Life2Life Notebook which is a discipleship tool.  However, if we strip down discipleship to just completing something it becomes much less than God intended.

Discipline is tough to learn on your own.  A discipleship tool can set you in motion with energy.  Even if you are not drawn to structure, it can enrich your life in Christ.  Maybe you think structure robs you of freedom and flexibility but I believe it gives you freedom and flexibility.  Without it my life has a tendency to get out of control. 

How are you doing with the basics of the Christian life?  Are you listening to His voice? How is God speaking to you through His Word?

Spiritual formation describes the sanctification or transformation of disciples.  The term has become popular for those who want to avoid the baggage that discipleship has carried in recent years.  Disciple does seem to dominate the Gospels, while spiritual formation describes spirituality in the Epistles. 

Because discipleship has stood the test of time and links believers directly to Jesus, it is the word I choose to use.

Currently my library has over 40 books on discipleship.  Some I have given away and the remaining I am not ready to part with.  I will be sharing some from over 25 years of ministry experience and my two favorite resources on discipelship.  Of course the first is the Bible and the second is The Complete Book Of Discipleship written by Rev. Bill Hull which I believe is the most accurate book on being and making followers of Christ that I have ever read.

I’ll close my introduction to our new blogging theme with this quote by Dietrich Bonhoeffer:

Christianity without discipleship is always Christianity without Christ.  

Do you suffer well?  When you are in pain do you ask the question why?  I believe we can and should ask the Lord anything on our heart.  But I don’t believe that is the question to ask because we won’t get an answer to why. We need to ask the question, What?  What are you trying to shape in me?  This is the surgery that brings about spiritual transformation.  If I focus on anything other than the “What” I am not being a good steward of the pain.

What are some ways you have responded to pain in the past?

A leadership coaching network exclusively for women.  Revitalize your spirit and empower your leadership.  1 day a month Aug. - Nov. 2009.

If you’re a gifted and called woman in Christian leadership, join others like yourself for a coaching network.  Walk away with a renewed energy, focus and passion after spending concentrated time with 4 national leadership mentors. Connect with other women of like heart and purpose.  Choose intentional growth with a personal plan designed for you. 

Limited attendance of -20.

Women of Influence is excited to announce our mentor list for Exchange 2009…NANCY BEACH, SHERYL FLEISHER, ANNE JACKSON and DUANNE SEELEY. 

NANCY BEACH  is executive vice-president of the Arts  for the Willow Creek Association and a teaching pastor of Willow Creek Community Church.  A champion for the arts and artists in the church, she is author of An Hour on Sunday:  Creating Moments of Transformation and Wonder and Gifted to Lead:  The Art of Leading As a Woman in the Church. 

SHERYL FLEISHER is one of the most dynamic and passionate mentors I know.  Currently she is a church consultant, leadership mentor and speaker.  Formally she served on staff at Willow Creek Community Church.  Prior to Willow she was personally mentored by Dr. John Maxwell while serving on his pastoral staff for 12 years.  

ANNE JACKSON is an author, speaker, and transformational activist who lives in the Nashville area with her husband, Chris. Her highly-anticipated book, Mad Church Disease - Overcoming the Burnout Epidemic (Zondervan) released in February 2009. Her next book is due to be out in Fall 2010. She is a contributor to the Christianity Today Blog her.meneutics and Deadly Viper Character Assassins, as well as an occasional writer for Outreach Magazine, Catalyst Groupzine, and a variety of other ink and paper (as well as digital) publications.  Currently Anne serves on staff at Cross Point Church in Nashville.

DUANNE SEELEY is the founding president of Women of Influence and formally served on the pastoral staff at Skyline Church in San Diego under Dr. John Maxwell, The Navigators at UCSD and Briarwood Church in Birmingham, AL under Dr. Frank Barker. Currently she is a founding partner of LEAD, a resource ministry to church pastors. 

For an application to Exchange 2009 email dseeley@winfluence.org. 

STARBUCKS COFFEE   - I’ve tried about every brand of coffee out there and yet to experience anything that comes close  to any Starbucks blend.  I like to use a few drops of Land O Lakes FF half and half with a tbsp. of cool whip.  Brewing my own saves me $4 a day and that comes to $1,460 a year.

CLOROX WIPES - Of course I know that Clorox with a cloth is more cost effective.  The generic brand usually tear up on me.  These things save me a ton of time not to mention the laundry. Without them I doubt I would have the time to blog.  With all I save on coffee I feel no guilt on this splurge.

SHOUT SPRAY STAIN REMOVER - Before marriage and kids I never needed a stain remover. Living with 3 males I use this every day.  I have tried everything out there and I guarantee you that the other brands don’t work like Shout.  My mother-in-law used Shout while  visiting from Illinois and is now hooked.

LIPTON TEA - Whether you like sweet tea or unsweet tea, Lipton is the best brand in the entire world.  I drink it daily.  The antioxidants are an added bonus.  Used to drink cola’s and gave them up when I learned how bad they are for you.  I confess to slipping up every month or two and drinking a COKE ZERO.

TUTTOROSSO CRUSHED TOMATOES - Before living in NYC I used the pasta sauce in a jar.  My Italian friends thought that was a shame and taught me how to make excellent sauce from scratch. My family loves it and it also is more cost effective.  But the secret to great sauce is using TUTTOROSSO CRUSHED TOMATOES.  I was not convinced until I literally tried everything out there.  It is really second to none for your authentic Italian dishes.

MARY KAY EYE MAKEUP REMOVER - One of my least favorite things is my nightly ritual of removing eye make up.  This product is the best on the market and makes the job quick and easy.  Once your over 30 you need to stop using soap because it causes more wrinkles. Since I would never have plastic surgery I want to take the best care of my skin that I can.  Baby oil or vasoline is bad for your eyes.  One bottle cost $14 and lasts a few months. 

PANERA BREAD - We don’t eat out often but this is one of my top food places when we do. The food is made fresh and they have something for what ever mood you happen to be in. The tortilla soup is my favorite with the half chicken fontega sandwich. They also have free Wi Fi if you want to go alone and do some work.  I appreciate that they donate unused food to non-profit organizations or churches each day.

There are a few others that I will save for another post. What are some of your favorite things?

Over 20 years ago I attended a workshop in Colorado that I never forgot called Conflict is Positive.  It was great and certainly changed my perspective.  Do I still have conflict?  Absolutely.  Do I always respond the Biblical way God commands?  Unfortunately not.  Do all of my relationships end happily ever after? Sad but no.  Sometimes you can try to work through an issue and the other person insists on holding onto the anger and will blow you off.  I once had a friend blow me off because  I told her our preschool teacher informed me her son ate 7 pieces of pizza at the school party. She was very sensitive about her son and refused to speak to me ever again. She was in the church we served for years but to this day refuses to speak to me and others who unknowingly have offended her. She never told me how I offended her even when I asked her. I heard that she was offended from others she had shared with.   By the way, Proverbs 6:16-19 tells us God HATES it when we spread strife among people.

Can you imagine how our marriages would be if we refused to deal with conflict? I imagine we would all be divorced many times.  Can you imagine if your children refused to deal with confict?  Conflict is good. Unresolved conflict is not good.  Micah Vanderburg commented on FB page that “people need to understand that the willingness to go through discomfort is for the development of the relationship and not the demise.

Is there anyone in your life today that you need to call?  Meet with face to face?  Don’t be a wuss and send an email or letter in the mail.  Put on your BGP and do the right thing.  Will every relationship you do this with develop?  Many will but a few probably will not.  Spiritual immaturity, dysfunction and our baggage will sometimes hinder our doing the right thing. If a person holds a grudge and blows you off then your hands may be tied. But you can pray for healing and live out how Jesus taught us we should value people.

To check out a great blog by Penny Maxwell go to www.PennyMaxwell.wordpress.com or you can reach her on my blogroll.

Nancy Beach is executive vice-president of the Arts  for the Willow Creek Association and a teaching pastor of Willow Creek Community Church.  A champion for the arts and artists in the church, she is author of An Hour on Sunday:  Creating Moments of Transformation and Wonder and Gifted to Lead:  The Art of Leading As a Woman in the Church. 

Nancy Beach Bio

Nancy Beach is a speaker, author, visionary leader, and champion for the power of the arts and artists in the local church. She served for over 20 years as the Programming Director for Willow Creek Community Church in suburban Chicago, a congregation known around the world for creating culturally relevant, biblically based services that make full use of the arts.

Dedicated to creating opportunities for artists in the church to use their gifts for effective ministry, her role at Willow included supervision of all aspects of the arts—including worship, music, drama, dance, photography, production, video, and design.  Today Nancy continues her role as a teaching pastor at Willow Creek, while also serving as the Executive Vice President for the Arts at the Willow Creek Association, a not-for-profit organization serving over 12,000 Member churches and others, representing 90 denominations in 35 countries. This new responsibility allows her to focus the majority of her time on serving other church arts leaders and their teams in the U.S. and around the world, building a community of Christ-following artists seeking to serve God as they create transformational moments in Sunday morning church services.

A sought-after conference speaker, Nancy uses her teaching gifts to inspire, motivate, and cast vision, while skillfully relating themes of soul transformation with every day people and experiences. Her book, The Hour on Sunday, expresses Nancy’s core vision and values for effective arts ministries. Nancy and her husband Warren live in Barrington with their two teenage daughters and a cat named Elphaba.

EXCHANGE 2009 

A leadership coaching network exclusively for women.  Revitalize your spirit and empower your leadership.  1 day a month Aug. - Nov.

If you’re a gifted and called woman in Christian leadership, join others like yourself for a coaching network.  Walk away with a renewed energy, focus and passion after spending concentrated time with 4 national leadership mentors. Connect with other women of like heart and purpose.  Choose intentional growth with a personal plan designed for you. 

Limited attendance of -20. 

Email dseeley@winfluence.org for application.

Check back for more info including interviews with each mentor.

Have you ever run out of gas? I did once. I was driving a 2 hour trip from Birmingham to Madison and my mom was with me.  Mom noticed the gauge was close to empty and suggested we stop.  I didn’t want to stop on I65 for gas. My preference was a different location. We were already late and had an agenda.  And I felt sure I could  make it.  We almost made it but the car stopped soon after exiting the freeway.  Bummer.  Running out of gas was a much bigger setback than if I had taken just a few minutes to fill up.

Driving on empty is not smart. Leading on empty is less smart. Did you know that the majority of Christian leaders burn out? The research is startling. Few finish well. Just as I had a choice to fill up with gas and avoid running out, you too can choose not to burn out in ministry.  The choice is ours.

Make the decision not to lead on empty. Ministry is a marathon, not a sprint.  Make the decisions today that will help you go the distance. Here are 6 decisions that are necessary to stay fueled…

1.  Guard your time with God.  Choose to make your time with God a priority over anything else.  A daily devotional time with the Lord in prayer and His Word will enable you to minister from an overflow of your walk.  Without plugging into the power source we minister in the flesh.  Preparing for a sermon, Bible study or any other type of ministry is not a quiet time. I’ve known plenty of people in ministry burn out who were actively studying and teaching the Word but were not spending personal devotional time in the Word.

2.  Choose your inner circle carefully.  Everyone needs an inner circle. Finding one can sometimes be a challenge but it is a necessary part of refueling.  The inner circle is  a topic I will blog about next month.

3.  Be willing to unplug at least once a year.  I choose to go dark at least once every 12 months.  During this time I don’t email, blog, twitter, FB, or take ministry phone calls.  I totally unplug for an extended period of time.  In case of a real emergency there is at least one person I trust who can reach me.  The extra time this allows is great for refueling.

4.  Protect one day a week. If we want to model obedience to God and His Word we will take one sabbath a week. If you are in full time ministry this will not be Sunday.  You are cheating your family when you don’t do this. My children feel very loved and affirmed when I don’t engage in ministry on this day.  Kids are smart. They know when you make them a priority and they know when you don’t.

5.  Be willing to say no.  You can’t do everything and do what God called you to do.  If you don’t design your life other people will be happy to.  Just say no.

6.  Keep growing. What is your personal growth plan? A leader who stops growing stops leading.

These are what I feel are the top 6 decisions we can make to refuel.  Which one is the greatest challenge for you personally?  Our decisions will determine our destination.

Have you experienced burn out?  Would love to hear what helped you to refuel. 

The #1 difference between Habakkuk and his peeps was attitude.  This is also the #1 quality that you will see in someone spiritually mature vs. younger in their faith.  Habakkuk grew in his faith as he developed his intimacy with the Lord.  He once felt frustrated and annoyed, with maturity he felt trust and peace. He once felt confused, he then had understanding.  He once felt fearful, he then had faith in the future God had planned.  The only thing that changed his perspective…time with God in prayer and His Word.  This brings spiritual maturity. Without it we will be tempted to live driven by our emotions vs. character.

In the New Testament, we learn that Peter gave himself to the Word of God and Prayer. This is the #1 job of a spiritual leader.

Are you or have you ever been in a situation where God does not seem to make sense? Maybe you feel the need to be rescued. Maybe you wonder why someone seems to be getting away with wicked behavior.  Maybe you have circumstances where have been in a deep trial for a long time and just don’t understand why there is no help on the horizon. You may question what in the heck God is doing. Or why he does not seem to be doing anything. And life goes on.  Through it all may we learn to trust the Lord and develop a greater intimacy with Him as Habakkuk did. Can I challenge you to read the book of Habakkuk? It’s filled with so many great life lessons.

This morning I was reading in Habakkuk 2 and was struck by vs. 1:  I will stand on my guard post and station myself on the rampart.  And I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me.  This guard post means the same as a watch tower and it implies that Habakkuk waited on the Lord.  Waiting is an act that most leaders dislike.  We learn in this book that leaders must learn to cherish the waiting time before they get their answers.  We learn in Habakkuk that:

• Not everything that happens conforms to God’s will and wishes
• Nothing that happens gets overlooked by God
• Everything that happens will one day be addressed with justice
• Nothing that happens should distract us from continuing to respond faithfully

Only when we listen will we hear what God wants to say to us.

Can I share some good news with those of you who haven’t found your God-ordained passion or dream,  big audacious goal or one God idea or life mission? Here it is: God wants you to get where God wants you to go more than you want to get where God wants you to go. So that takes the pressure off of us.  But there are some necessary prerequisites to knowing where God wants you. Here they are…

#1 Prerequisite - A Relationship With Jesus

Many of my readers have already accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and acknowledged Him as Lord.  But if you have not made this important decision, most of what you read on this blog will have little meaning for you. Spiritual matters can only be understood by those who have the Spirit of Christ dwelling in them (see 1 Cor. 2:14).

If you don’t know for certain that you are a Christian or have doubts, now is the time to settle the matter and accept Jesus as your Savior and Lord.  Ask God to speak to you as you read the following Scriptures.

·         Romans 3:23 All have sinned.

·         Romans 6:23 Eternal life is a free gift of God.

·         Romans 5:8 Because of His love for you, Jesus paid the death penalty for your sins.

·         Romans 10:9-10 Confess Jesus as Lord and believe that God raised Him from the dead.

·         Romans 10:13 Ask God to save you and He will. 

To place your faith in Jesus and receive His gift of eternal life, you must —

·         Recognize you are a sinner who needs a saving relationship with Jesus Christ.

·         Confess (agree with God about) your sins.

·         Repent of your sins (turn from sin to God).

·         Ask Jesus to save you by His grace.

·         Turn over the rule of your life to Jesus, letting Him be your Lord.

If you need help, call on a pastor or a Christian friend for help.  If you have just made this important decision, tell someone the good news of what God has done in your life. Email me at dseeley@winfluence.org  with your address and I will mail you a free Bible. Then find a church that teaches the Bible and will help you grow in your relationship with Jesus.

#2  Prerequisite – A Daily Time with God.

Can you imagine going on a trip across country without a map, GPS or road signs?  Even with a good sense of direction it would be very difficult to reach your desired destination.  Can you imagine going on a flight with a pilot who flew his plane by intuition?  You could expect to crash. Same with life. If you don’t spend regular time with God in His word you will struggle with knowing where He wants you or what He wants you to do.  You may often think God is distant or lack intimacy with Him.  Scripture tells us Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. You can enjoy intimacy with the Lord.

To know God and what He wants to say to you personally you must prayerfully read His word.  I hear people say that they spend daily time with God because they pray all the time…shower, car, while listening to music, on the subway, bus and at the office. This is good but to know God and what he has to say to you the Bible is a necessary part. And not just a devotional book or a book written about God or even a Bible study book that someone has written.  A devotion or a quiet time is spending time with the Lord in prayer and His word. Not just praying in your car on the way to work.  If you are in a Bible study ask the leader to personally teach you how to have a quiet time. 

Until we know how to have a quiet time we will continue to make decisions based on our emotions vs. what God wants us to do and also be dependent on others for our spiritual growth.  Even prayer regarding a decision will be influenced by our emotions  vs. the Holy Spirit.  A few years ago a pastor friend went to visit the wife of another pastor who was in the hospital with terminal cancer.  He casually asked her How has the Lord been speaking to you through His Word?  Long story short…the woman said she prayed all the time but admitted she had no idea how to have a devotion, no one had really ever taught her, nor had she ever heard anyone speak like  this.  Our friend spent time teaching her how this can be done and had a quiet time with her.  At her funeral the husband went over and said to our friend…Thanks for what you did to help my wife spiritually. She said her last 6 months were the best she had ever had with God. The husband shared this to encourage and thank the co-worker but our friend felt very sad that this woman in her 60’s, married to a pastor, did not know who to have a quiet time and hear God speak through His word. When we know how to have a quiet time we will know how to recognize the Lord speaking to us and our spiritual growth will come from this daily fellowship with God.

#3 Prerequisite – Short Accounts With God and Others

The Bible is very clear that if there is sin in our heart against God or another person God will not answer our prayer (Psalm 66:18, Romans 12:18, Matt. 5:23-24).  I had a friend who once said that spiritual maturity is not someone who never blows it but someone who is quick to confess and deal thoroughly with sin.  Immaturity is one who attempts to justify or excuse sin. 

Pride and a calloused heart will hinder us from keeping short accounts with God and others.  I believe if we are in fellowship with a Holy God we will be convicted on a regular basis of sin. If it has been a while since you felt convicted by the Holy Spirit check your heart to see if it has grown calloused. 

As you follow Jesus one day at a time, He will keep you in the center of God’s will.  The Holy Spirit will be your personal teacher and the Scriptures your source of authority. 

Very early on Sunday morning, as the sun rose, they went to the tomb.  They worried out loud to each other, “Who will roll back the stone from the tomb for us?”  Then they looked up and saw that the stone had been rolled away, although it was extremely large.  ~ Mark 16:2-4

Is there a huge stone in your life right now that you are worried cannot be moved? Maybe…

·         A troubled marriage?

·         Recovering from a divorce?

·         A rebellious child?

·         Death of a loved one?

·         Cancer?

·         Addiction?

·         Death of a dream?

·         Fill in the blank

Because of the resurrection your stone can be moved too.  Lord, I pray for everyone who reads this post that whatever their stone may be, you give them the faith to believe you are bigger.

Tom Rath: StrengthsFinder 2.0: A New and Upgraded Edition of the Online Test from Gallup’s Now,

Strengths Finder is a resource that many churches and organizations have been using the past few years. I highly recommend it.  It is a great tool to use with a spiritual gift assessment for anyone who is wondering what God gifted them to do in career and ministry volunteer service.  This is a book that I often use with leaders to help them see if they are working out of their top strengths.

It saddens me when I meet someone who is 40 and really has no clue what their gifts and talents are.  At the same time it encourages me when I can help someone determine what God created them to do.

If you don’t know your strengths then you may easily feel frustrated or annoyed at people or churches who don’t welcome your  input on areas that are not your strengths.  If you have found yourself in that situation consider asking if you are blinded as to why your efforts are meeting resistance.  Maybe you have felt that your help was not valued or that a person or organization did not appreciate you.  Have you ever been quick to judge an organization for this and assumed it was a control issue?  It is a given that the majority of organizations and churches desire to grow. Be careful what you  assume. I often tell my children that that assuming is the opposite of thinking. Think it through. Are you attempting to get a job or volunteer in an area not in line with your gifting?

My challenge today is to know yourself.  Until you are confident of your strengths and gifts you will never know the joy and rewards of living out your design.  When you know your strengths you will love what you do.

I woke up this morning at 5 thinking about a meeting Pastor Perry Noble of New Spring Church in Anderson, SC had with his staff.  It was bold, fresh and took courage, conviction and passion. Last November Perry had a staff BBQ.  They had a time of worship and then he got up and said….If you are not working your dream job, please resign today. He went on to tell them that if they would resign within 24 hours he would provide them with a 3 month severance package.  Wow!  How much better would a business, church or ministry be if every one did this.

He went on to share…

• We cannot afford to pay people who are bitter about their job situation.
• We cannot afford to pay people who are trying to figure out what God wants them to do.
• We cannot afford to pay people who wish they were someplace else doing something different.

Scripture teaches that everything we do should be for the glory of God.  Do you know that your work is part of your worship?  When you work with all of your heart at your job this glorifies God.  Going on FB, checking email, balancing your checkbook, talking on your cell phone, shopping online other than on your break time is stealing from your employer and a lack of integrity.  It is also very immature.  If you are complaining and whining this is not glorifying to God and it is not worship. Wake up and stop living in denial.  It would be better for you (and everyone around you) if you went to McDonald’s and flipped burgers while you decided what it is you want to do in life.

Please, for every-one’s sake, If you are not doing what you were created to do, you should resign today. If you’re not passionate about what you are doing, you should resign today. If you cannot commit fully to the mission of your organization, you should resign today.

Life is too short to just work for a paycheck. Figure out what God created you to do and go do that.

I can’t wait to share about something but I can’t do it today. It’s BIG. It’s Exciting and I get to be involved. Maybe one of you will be too.  Yeah God.

A dishwasher made me think of the #1 Question You Should Always Ask Before Coming To A Conclusion. Out of every blog I have ever posted I believe this could be one of the most beneficial in everyday life if you apply it. I was taught this lesson from a godly mentor and it has served me well. This is so important because Christians are often critical and judgmental of people, situations and churches. This is usually due to dysfunctional baggage that we carry.  The undeserving grace that we have received from God is not always given to others and a consequence is broken relationships.  Not just between me and the person but to many others as our criticism is shared with others. Proverbs tells us that God hates this. 

 Last week we had a new whirlpool dishwasher installed. I was very happy and excited to say the least.  I couldn’t wait to put the dishes in after dinner instead of washing them by hand. It was filled to the max and I turned it on. Wow. The sales person at Lowes sure wasn’t kidding about how quiet it would be. It barely made any sound at all. At the end of the cycle I open the door and realized all the dishes were still dirty. I called Lowes and they schedule someone to come take a look at it. Bad news.  The motor did not work. They scheduled us for another dishwasher to be delivered the following day.  Dishwasher #2 came out.  I was happy and excited. After dinner I loaded it up. It was also quiet but Lowes said the new dishwashers are. After the cycle I open the door. The dishes are still dirty. No way. This is weird. After two that don’t work I begin to question if I really want a whirlpool.  I’m thinking maybe I want something else. Then Todd reminds me of all the time he spent researching dishwashers with Consumer Report. He reminded me of the reputation that Whirlpool has and about a million other facts that I didn’t even know existed about a dishwasher. He then reminded me about Lowes and the high reputation they have. They will stand behind any product. He also reminded me about the refrigerator we purchased a few years ago and when the installer made a small rip in the flooring they sent someone out immediately to repair it. Todd reminded me to look at the reputation of Whirlpool and Lowes and also our experience with them. 

 This dishwasher experience reminded me of the #1  question to ask before making a conclusion. The question to ask before coming to a conclusion is IS THIS A PATTERN?  Told you it was simple. Yet we often don’t ask this because of emotion, anger, hurt or just the baggage we carry.  This is not a godly response.  It is spiritual immaturity.

 Last summer there was a bogus article on the front page of my local newspaper about some friends of ours. We know these folks. We have broken bread with them, spent hours praying with them and spent time in their home and they in ours. They know the Lord and have the highest integrity. Yet this article blasted everything we knew about them. I imagine many who read this assumed it was true. We never did for a second. We know them. We called them the next day to see how they were doing and yes we did ask them about the article. We gave them the opportunity to explain and we took them at their word.  A business competition started the inquiry and fed the press lies due to their anger of losing so much business to them. Our friends had to spend a small fortune on an attorney but they were proven innocent and the other party guilty. Yet a godly man had his reputation ripped in the news. We were disappointed that the newspaper did not post the conclusion of the story. 

 I share these stories to remind us the importance of the #1 Question To Ask Before Coming to a Conclusion….Is it a pattern?  What is the reputation? What has your experience been?  Not your experience with other people or churches in your past but with this one? I have seen many friendships broken, churches split and people hurt due to not asking this simple question. Is it a pattern?

By the way, Lowes said as far as they knew that this experience had never happened before.  Ever.  And to make up for our trouble they gave us a huge Whirlpool upgrade at no extra cost. What a blessing.

Being in full time ministry Todd, the boys and I visit various churches from time to time. Recently we visited a church Matthew had looked forward to attending because of a close childhood friend going there.  My son is very shy but values friendship and is very loyal. New places, new groups, new people are not easy for him. He found comfort that morning knowing he would know at least one person. Living in NYC the past 3 years have been a sacrifice for my children. Leaving behind the security of family, home, close friends, good school and community was not taken lightly by us. But a decision we believe the Lord has honored. To my dismay when he and his father came to greet us he never even gave eye contact to Matthew or said hi.  The friend is an extrovert and very outgoing. It was obvious to me that Matthew was hurt but I said nothing. I assumed when the service was over they would connect. After the service the boy walked over with his mom who greeted me and Matthew but again would not even look at Matthew who was standing right next to me and less than 2 feet away from him. My son was devastated and embarrassed.  Good grief. What is this all about? These kids have been friends since preschool. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to tell his mom who I knew would attempt to fix it. She is a wonderful person. But I let it go. I did not want to let it go but I did.  I am not good at this. My heart hurt for my son who is still just a little boy to me. I want to protect him from pain. Most people outside of our family have no idea what he has been through the last 3 years.

Is this behavior the norm for middle school kids?  If it is then it reveals the need for youth ministries that disciple kids and not just provide social events.

The pastor gave an excellent message and worship was dynamic. But my son does not want to go back.

What I have found most encouraging in NYC other than people coming to Christ is when people have been saved for many years, or leaders, or a pastors wife or a staff member of a church will have the courage, humility and hunger to say they have never been discipled but desperately desire it.  This is the opposite of pride.  And pride keeps many from the abundant life Jesus desires for us.

If you feel a fire burning in your soul when it comes to discipelship, you know what I mean.

Many years ago I heard a seminary prof teach on the Holy Spirit and he shared one of the fastest ways to quench the Holy Spirit.  I leaned over in my desk, pencil in hand ready to take notes so that I would not make that mistake in my own life…my jaw dropped to the floor as he said one of the fastest ways to quench the Holy Spirit in your life is to….complain or be critical.  OUCH!  I was expecting something as least on what I thought was the same level as adultery.  But complain?  Gosh. Knew I was guilty of that. Probably more often than I wanted to think about. From that moment on I began to take a mental note of when I did complain and attempted to quickly confess it.  As someone who was preparing for ministry at that time, and today in ministry, the Holy Spirit is a basic for spiritual leadership. I love to grow and am always reading all I can get my hands on regarding leadership development but a person can know that stuff and still quench God’s power. I don’t want to be that kind of Christian. I want to live and minister with power! Recently the Lord reminded me that a follower of Christ and especially a leader must not forget the basics of the Christian life.  No matter how long we have been born again we do forget the basics. That is why discipleship is so critical.

Recently we have been cleaning and repairing a home we rented for a few years.  Before leasing the home was just a few years old and in excellent condition. Without going into many details (and complaining) I’ll just say that the tenant did much damage and did not clean, vacuum or mop once.  Hard to believe I know but trust me. He shared a reason for this. His wife was out of the country. As I am cleaning one of the bathroom floors for the 4th time (not kidding) on my hands and knees trying to get the crud and smell off the floor of the toilet area Todd walked in to see how it was going. My response was one of complaint…I am too old to be on my hands and knees for the 4th time trying to clean this stuff (actually I said crap but stuff sounds better).  Cleaning up after you and the boys is one thing….cleaning up after a Muslim man and his friends is a whole different matter.  Was my response due to lack of sleep and fatigue and back pain  or did this reveal something deeper in my heart?  Nevertheless I was complaining.  A few seconds later the Holy Spirit clearly (you know when it is God speaking to you) spoke to me and said “I died for that Muslim man and his friends.”  Okay Lord, thanks for giving me the right perspective. Please forgive my complaining spirit.  A better attitude would be one of gratitude that we have such a beautiful home to clean.

What about you?  Is there anything you have complained about or been critical about recently?

A guy loves to surf and was told the best surfing was a Black’s Beach. In San Diego there are many beaches and everyone knows this one particular beach is a nude beach.  Kind of reminds me of the Garden of Eden, eat any fruit you desire but not that one.  My friend had many beaches to choose from but he chose that one. He claimed that he loved Jesus and the nudity did not bother him at all.  Oh? So you never, ever as a male struggle with lust? Ever?  Kind of like if I am an alcoholic I probably should not spend time sitting at a bar even if I am drinking just milk.  My friend fell away from God.

A friend has an unresolved conflict with his wife.  It continues unresolved until it is a big issue between them. He begins to receive attention from a very attractive woman who communicates he is all that.  She requested counseling from this pastor and he begins to meet with her.  The relationship with her grows.  He is disconnected from his wife.  There is an affair. A divorce. He is out of the ministry.

A friend is hurt by another. She refuses to forgive. She turns angry and bitter. Her fellowship with the Lord is broken.  Years pass and she wonders why her relationship with God is cold an stale.

A friend accidentally gets a pornographic photo on his computer. This has happened to most of us before. He takes it one step further and visits the site the next day. And then the next. And the next. He becomes addicted to porn. He falls away.

A friend decides to stop attending church because of the sin that she sees in the life of the people who make up the church. She decides she does not need the church to love Jesus. She forgot that Scripture teaches if you love me you will obey my word. (John 14:21)  She justifies not being obedient to Hebrews 10:24-25.  Disobedience always equals broken fellowship with God.  She fall’s away.  Over 20 years have passed since she stepped through the door of a church.

I could probably share 100 more examples of falling away from God.  The point is it can happen to any of us.  I know it could happen to me. We deceive ourselves when we don’t deal with the little things asap.  Once I heard Darryl Sanders, a co-worker with The Navs share that maturity is not someone who never falls but someone who is QUICK to deal throughly with sin. Ouch! Is there anything “little” you need to deal with? The reality is we don’t “fall away from God” but we walk away from Him. Are you walking toward Him or away from Him?

Recently I read about the best way to trap a monkey. A hunter will place glass jars with a narrow opening and fill them with some peanuts. The monkey will smell the food, find it and place his hand into the jar enabling him to take hold of it. The monkey will refuse to drop the peanuts to free himself. This is how the hunter can easily trap a monkey.  What initially amazed me about this story was what a small item you need to catch a monkey.  Later I thought about how it is also amazing how small things in life will totally trap people.  Issues such as fear, bitterness, anger, jealously, envy, pride, low self esteem, discipline, addictions, complacency and attitude. I realize these are not necessarily “small” things but big things that started out as small things and grew huge. We get trapped when we refuse to open up our hand and let go. Is there anything in  your life that you are clasping onto that you need to drop?

 

When I was on staff with a campus ministry we played a game called Bigger and Better.  You start out on a Saturday morning, meet, pray and give each team of two a very small item such as a nickel, pack of gum, pencil, etc.  The objective is to go into a neighborhood or mall and tell people who you are and the game you are playing requires that you offer the little you have in hopes of getting something better.  Thus the name Bigger and Better.  Once when we played this game a team left with a piece of gum and returned with a couch!  Several hours later you meet to share about your experience, laugh together and share some refreshments. We would close the event with a message about God’s best.  It was always a blast.  Today I still think about this game because in reality it is part of the life of every Christian. God wants us to offer the little we have and trust him to give us something better. This is difficult sometimes because most of us want control and to make decisions on our own. It is only when we know our Heavenly Father and how much he loves us can we trust him to really give us something better.  Throughout the Bible we see that God’s will is always good, acceptable an perfect.  What are you clutching onto today in fear that God will not replace it with something better?

What is it that makes power so tempting?  Could it be because power is easier than love?  Jesus asked “Do you love me?” The disciple said “Can we sit at your right and left hand in the kingdom?”  (Matthew 20:21)  Since Satan in the Garden of Eden said, “The day you eat of this tree your eyes will be open and you will be like gods, knowing good from evil” (Genesis 3:5), we have been tempted to choose power over love.  Jesus chose love over earthly power. What do you choose?

Friday, March 06, 2009

Go. Set. Ready.

There is an old adage: ready, set, go. And that is how many of us operate spiritually. But I wonder if our modus operandi should be: go, set, ready. If you wait till you’re ready, you’ll never go! I wasn’t ready to pastor. I wasn’t ready to get married. We weren’t ready to go multi-site. If I’ve learned anything I’ve learned this: you’ll never be ready.

I just read through the book of Acts and my macro observation is this: they didn’t over-analyze. They genuinely believed that the Holy Spirit would guide them and He did. It is such a spirit-prompted story.

I absolutely believe in cost-analysis and risk-reward ratios. In fact, Jesus told us to count the cost. But two thousand years ago he also said, “Go.” And he hasn’t said “stop” since. So why do we ask if we should go? Shouldn’t we ask if we should stay? I just wonder what the church would look like if we assumed go unless God said stop.

I know we need timelines and priorities and strategies. And I know you have to discern the Spirit’s leading in the unique circumstances of your life. But I also believe in Ecclesiastes 11:1: “cast your bread on the water for after many days you will find it again.” All I know is this: I don’t want to get to the of my life and wonder “what if”. It is the inaction regrets that haunt us. It’s what we could have, would have, and should have done that we will regret the most.

Go. Set. Ready.

posted by Mark Batterson

“Be prepared.  You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own.  Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet.  Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words.  Learn how to apply them.  You’ll need them throughout your life.  God’s Word is an indispensable weapon.  In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare.”                Ephesians 6:13-17 Msg Bible

My children often hear me teach about a window of opportunity.  Sometimes a window is open but then it will be shut. Sometimes forever. An opportunity is good chance or occasion to advance in some way.  We are all given windows of opportunity in a variety of areas.  We have a window of opportunity to develop a strong marriage. There are ministry windows. There is a window of time that we can develop a relationship with our children and one day that window will be shut. There is a window with our parents, family and friends that will one day be closed.  There are career windows and education windows. Windows of opportunity to mend relationships. Opportunities to share Christ with someone. There are also special opportunities for spiritual growth or mentoring that will be closed.  I have missed opportunities in life and I have taken opportunities. Once I was given the opportunity for a free education at Dartmouth.  I didn’t take it. There have been other opportunities given to me that I am so grateful I accepted….Bible studies, volunteer opportunities, church internships, staff opportunities, relationships, mentoring by incredible people, seminary, marriage, time with my children, ministry, etc.  Are you facing a window of opportunity at this time in your life?  Don’t delay that decision too long or the window may be closed….forever.

I love Valentine’s Day. Before marriage I would speak to women about God’s love for us being the greatest love of all.  I enjoy sharing what Scripture teaches us about love…God loves us with an everlasting love. He has drawn us with loving kindness.  His lovingkindness is great toward us.  Love covers all transgressions. Love is from God. Keep yourselves in the love of God. Etc. We were born with a desire to be loved. Satan has extorted this desire.  Only God can satisfy this longing to be loved with perfect love. Many times I hear women say they hate Valentine’s Day if they are currently not in a relationship.  The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful husband and I am so grateful.  All you single women out there need to know the truth…no matter how awesome your spouse is, God is the only one who can satisfy that longing for the deepest love.  If you look to a husband or romantic interest to fill that need you will always be disappointed.  When I was single I learned a great lesson from Margaret Maxwell, wife of John Maxwell.  During Q&A at a conference someone asked her:  Does John make you happy?  Her immediate response was “No.  That is not his job.”  Wow.  Straight forward. Simple. True.

I have thought about having this on my tombstone:  DuAnne Seeley ~ Loved By God.  

The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior.  He will exult over you with joy. He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over  you with shouts of joy.  Zephaniah 3:17

Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.  Psalm 127:1

In no time at all kids his current school found out he was on FB and requested to be friends.  Matthew has always been shy and introverted and he was happy that so many kids wanted to be “friends” with him. Every day he had multiple friend requests and his number skyrocketed to 150 friends.  What also grew was the time I needed to monitor his FB.  When I go on his FB I view the info page of each friend, postings and what their friends post. My reaction was soon shock and then it was a Help Lord prayer.  So many of these kids indicated on their info page that they attended a Christian school, were believers and loved God.  Yet their postings were the opposite of what one would expect…ungodly language and behavior.  Written out for everyone to see were curse words, talk about sex, disrespect toward parents and teachers, cyber bullying to other kids, etc.  The kids were even bold enough to curse at my son and write hateful language on his wall.  During this 2 week period that I was awakened to the full reality of the situation my son was in, one of the kids talked my son into giving her his password.  I can’t believe he did it but he trusted her to help him out with something. What she did was go into his address list and choose about 15 people at random to post obscene messages to. The people chosen were a few from our church and other pastors.  All of this happened within a 2 week period.  Todd and I quickly went into damage control mode and contacted each person to share what had happened.  We also sat Matthew down and gave him an ultimatum…disengage the whole FB site or block every kid that was a bad influence. We also explained why we had made this decision. He chose to block 58 kids.

Matthew was allowed to keep some friends from school.  Those that post typical teen stuff about school, movies, pets, sports, family night, etc.  It is back to being a more wholesome site but I still monitor it.  And he was allowed to keep all of his friends from Alabama.

Do not be misled, bad company corrupts good character.  I Corinthians 15:33