Today is the last day to get early bird registration rate for the 2008

Women In Ministry Exchange

May 2-3, NYC @ Empire State Building

Register at www.winfluence.org

Help! Are you a woman in ministry?  I recently wrote an article for a pastor’s coaching ministry on “The Making of a Woman in Ministry.”    Currently I am working on a research project. If you are female and on a ministry staff or volunteer staff I want your help. Would you consider answering the following  7 questions: 

1.  Who are your heroes and mentors? Tell of their impact on your life.

2.  Describe your ideal job description.

3.  Name the 3 most influential books you have read and approximately when you read them.

4.  What causes you the most frustration in your ministry?

5.  Have you ever experienced burn-out in ministry? If yes, explain.

6.  As a student of leadership, what specifically are you working on to become a better leader?  Fill in the blank, I would be a better leader  ….

7.  How are you doing in your personal devotional life?  Are you closer to God today than you were a year ago?

To complete the survey just hit “comment.”  If you prefer to remain anonymous to other readers you can email survey feedback to me at  dseeley@winfluence.org.  Thanks so much for your help!

Have you ever met a woman who did not have to work at living with balance? Neither have I.  Anyone involved in ministry, (whether full time, part time or as a lay person) has probably learned that most of what we do is not 9-5.   Life happens and it usually does not fit into our schedule.  My January was planned without knowledge that I would be taking a week off for a funeral.  My children got sick with the flu. My husband got the flu. I got the flu. I could not manage that time and I’ve yet to find a step by step formula that will.  What I have found to be most helpful are a few questions to help me get me back on track when I feel like I’ve fallen off.  So these are just some thoughts and suggestions that might be useful to someone else when they are feeling the tension and stress that comes with life.

1.  Have I set my priorities?  It will be impossible for me to make good choices if I don’t know what is most important. 

2.  Have I embraced the tension?  As long as I am a leader I will never escape the tension.  I need to know that it is part of leadership and yet deal with it in healthy ways.  Eating right and exercise is one of the most powerful ways to deal with stress.

3.  Can I identify the specific areas in which I am experiencing imbalance?  Where do I feel the most pressure?

4.  What is the reason for the imbalance?  Is this just a season due to a deadline, special project, Christmas, Easter, etc?  When will the season be over?  Having an end date in mind and a break scheduled right after helps to get me through. 

5.  What three specific steps can I take to correct the imbalance I feel today?  What can be delegated?  Is there anything in my life I need to stop doing? Is there anything in my life I need to start doing?

The week before Easter I began to feel pressure.  In additon to the added ministry at this time of year I have always cooked  a huge meal on Sunday.  A few days before Easter I identified this as a major stress point.  After talking to the family we agreed that I would change the menu to chicken parmigiana, pasta and fresh fruit salad.  This freed up several hours for me shopping and cooking.  Our family time was more relaxed and enjoyable and the food was great. 

6.  Am I managing my energy?  Am I giving my best energy to my highest priority?  There was a time in my life when I realized that I was giving my husband and children the leftovers.  Now I am motivated to give them the best of me vs. the worst. 

7.  How can I create margin?  I know this is often difficult to do but it is important.  Margin allows me to breathe. Without margin I have nothing for those unexpected emergencies.  Margin also allows the Holy Spirit to work.   

One of my highest family priorities is building great family memories.   We have a lot of traditions in the Seeley household.  A favorite is celebrating birthdays for 3 days.  This does not mean that Todd is always available to take 3 days off but if  possible he will.  My husband has taken the children out for a one on one birthday breakfast since they were 2.  Last Monday was Aaron’s 10th birthday and we went to Lancaster for 3 days.  Neither one of us took a computer along and we did not take any ministry calls unless an emergency came up (which it did not). 

 These are the few things that help me when I begin to feel  stress.  What have you learned about balance that might help other readers?

When my boys were younger they enjoyed playing with building toys…At first it was just blocks, then Tinker toys and  Lincoln logs.  Aaron still loves Legos and will spend hours on his creations.  As long as the designs are balanced, there is beauty.  But even if one piece is yanked away, the balance and beauty is destroyed.  Imbalance causes distortion and breakage in our lives—and when, after a struggle, the balance is restored, we find that it brings beauty and strength.  Someone once said to me “maintaining balance in life is a constant struggle.”  How in the world do you maintain balance today?  Especially for those of us in the ministry. 

We recently finished our 2nd winter in NYC on Staten Island.  There were a few times while driving that the snow was so blinding I couldn’t see to drive.  Maybe your life sometimes seems like that—a lot of little pieces flying around, obscuring your vision.  A blizzard of course, can’t be a blizzard without the wind.  The same is true for the blizzard feeling that over takes our minds and our lives.  By shutting off the wind you could end the blizzard.  

And you can.  The wind is your schedule.  You have to shut down your schedule to let all those pieces in your life settle to the ground, so you can see clearly.  When you feel you are in a blizzard, bring your schedule to a halt, even for a short time like an hour.  Go to Starbucks or somewhere, and ask yourself these questions:

Where am I experiencing imbalance?  

• Spiritual
• Marriage and Family
• Ministry
• Professional
• Physical
• Financial
• Social

You may think of your life as consisting of thousands of pieces but in reality these are the seven categories.  Everything you do affects the other areas.  The first step in regaining balance is pinpointing the area in which your imbalance is really happening.

Tomorrow I will post 7 Questions That Help Me Restore Balance.

 I experienced a great leadership lesson from Kathy Keller, wife to Tim Keller of Redeemer in Manhattan.  Before moving to minister in NYC on Staten Island I was motivated to call Kathy Keller and just glean from her wisdom in being a pastor’s wife in the area.  I had never met Kathy but of course had heard of her husband and Redeemer.  People I was blown away by her immediate response to my phone call and quick reply to my emails.  She was so willing to answer my questions with incredible honesty and transparency.  Her authentic passion for God, her family and the people of NY oozed from the phone.  Her willingness to help me, a stranger from Alabama, brought a great leadership principle to mind:  Add Value to People.  When we give generously to others, the impact of our generosity often outlives us.  Recently I called Kathy to talk with her about raising her children in NYC and to ask her opinion of why Redeemer (Tim Keller planted 20 years ago) had had such massive growth.  She returned my call the same day I left a message on her way out of town.  I listened to her response like a sponge soaking up all of her experience and wisdom.   She added value to my life.

Kathy reminds me of Joseph who offered a relevant service without asking for payment or recognition.  Too many of us give to others, but with strings attached.  We’re busy people, too busy to be too generous.  This attitude limits our value because our focus is on what we’re giving up, not what the other person is gaining.  Joseph gave his gift away without a thought of asking for payment.  In return, he was surprised by being named prime minister of Egypt.   

Lord, May I have such a generous spirit so that I can add this kind of value to others.

Esther was an ordinary person who faced an extraordinary leadership challenge.  How would I have responded in this crisis?  Would my action have been at the right time?  I expect that I might have immediately gone to the king and probably got my head cut off. 

Top Five Lessons From Esther:

1.  Remember that God is always at work behind the scenes whether I see it or not.

2.  Refuse to compromise on truth.  You can’t put a price tag on integrity.

3.  Right timing is everything.  It is important to have the right action at the right time.

4.  Learn from mentors.  God works thru godly counsel.

5.  Leadership requires the courage to put yourself on the line for the glory of God. 

Esther had tremendous courage to risk her life and stand before the king.  Fear could have stopped her.  Good opportunities never come without fear or risk of failure.  But good leaders move forward despite a moment of hesitation.

I’ve been learning a lot from the book of Esther. We can clearly see how God does His work through the inner prompting of  3 leaders.  Mordecai, King Xerxes and Esther.  I wonder if she felt like a leader. Did she realize that she had influence?  Regardless of what she saw or how she felt, we see God’s providence and Esther’s preparation.  Look at 4:14.  Did this woman know that God was working his plan through her life?

There have been a few occasions where I’ve had the feeling I was God’s woman in God’s place.  That’s the greatest reward of leadership. Not that I have accomplished so much as a leader, but that what I have accomplished has had God’s undeserved favor and blessing. 

If you are seeking after Him and where He is working, I believe His providence and your preparation will meet.

Last night we had our small group at our home.  I love these people.  God has given them a greater hunger for Him and it is so exciting to see His work, His way in His people.  They want to know Him, love him more and serve the Lord out of their appreciation for all He has done.  What is our role in this? My husband and I.  What is the #1 job of a leader? We believe that a leader is not a person who can do the ministry better than the “followers.”  A leader is a person who can get people to do the work better than he or she can, who can bring out the best in people.  Leader is not a title…..it’s a function.  Leadership is not a position that grants a license to force others to knuckle under; it’s a skill to perform, a service to render for the whole group. 

Yesterday the news broke that our Governor was busted for personal involvement in a prostitution ring.  My first thought is “could this be a mistake?”  I ponder this because Gov. Spitzer has been involved in prosecuting prostitution in the past as well as other crimes to help clean up New York.  This morning I hear on the news that the evidence is growing, not the least of which is a recorded phone conversation requesting the service on multiple occasions.  

“To aspire to leadership is an honorable ambition.”  I Tim. 3:1 NEB  I realize this passage is speaking of spiritual leadership but should there not be honor in pubic service?  How are we so deceived that we ignore that the truth will eventually come out?  Or to risk ALLfor a few minutes of pleasure that will quickly fade?  The truth of the matter is there are snares out there for all us?  It usually begins with the little things that pull us down.  Skipping on the amount of time alone with the Lord,  Not taking enough time to listen which eventually results in justifying our sin, not keeping short accounts with God and others, not repenting and growing callous to sin or refusing accountability.  I remember once God speaking clearly to my heart and saying “DuAnne do you hate sin because you have sinned against a Holy God or are you just bummed that you messed up?”  I began to pray that I would begin to hate sin the way that God does. 

Today I asked the Lord, is there anything in my life, big or small, that could be a snare for Satan to use in bringing me down in a way that would dishonor Jesus Christ? 

Someone said that solving a problem doesn’t end our problems—it only brings up the next one.  How true.  Problems will never be eliminated from our lives and I find it very interesting how people respond to them.  Most people don’t like problems and will do almost anything to get away from them. There are task problems and people problems. Today I will share a few thoughts on the most common type of problems—people problems, and how we choose to respond.

1.  The Pretender: For a variety of reasons this person does not want to deal with the problem and therefore will pretend it does not exist.  If the problem is with a group of people or an individual they will “peace fake” instead of working  through honest conflict resolution.  In a marriage a person may all of a sudden want a divorce but in reality the issue was there festering like a cancer.  The end result of denial is often depression or bitterness toward a person, group or church. 

2.  The Avoider:  This person will often use the excuse of being too busy to respond but in reality they are just avoiding the problem.  This may be due to not knowing HOW to solve it or not knowing WHY to solve it.  A result of avoiding is stress and fatigue.  An unresolved problem will be a weight on your shoulder and will hold you back.

To deny or avoid is a result of emotional or spiritual immaturity.  Both the pretender and avoider will suffer from negative emotions that will keep them from being the person that God wants them to be. 

3.  The Solver - This person has a James 1 attitude and views problems as an opportunity for growth and development.  They rebound quickly and will  not let problems hold them back from being all God wants them to be.  

In my life I have denied problems, avoided them and solved them.  At the next post I will share some principles for solving task and people problems.