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Today I will continue with the “Top 10 Commandments for Mentoring.”  Before starting I want to share that prayer is vital in all that we do as believers.  Not putting it on this list does not mean it is not necessary but because it is just a given. 

#1  Select Wisely

For the Mentor:  Don’t downplay the importance of selection.  You can minister to the crowd but you will need chemistry with a person to get up close and personal.  Because I do church consulting or can connect with a crowd people sometimes assume that I can connect one on one with anyone. I  would love to have this ability but I don’t.  No one does.  Remember all those nice guys you dated but there was just no chemistry?  What about those women in your dorm room or office?  It is natural to click more with some than others.  Though it does take time to develop relationships it is a definate advantage to have a natural chemistry. Otherwise you will spend the majority of  your time attempting to build something that is not going to happen.  My experience has taught me that the stronger the relationship the greater the empowerment. 

If I don’t have chemistry with someone who desires to be mentored I will help them find a mentor that they do click with.  WIN has several women that we use and I have yet to decline a request before finding a good match. In regard to your leadership team or or your staff team, it is so important to invest in a team of women at your church so that you can do the same thing.  Please hear my heart on this…your team of leaders should not all be like you.  That would be boring and ineffective.  Choose a variety of people but those with whom you can relate.  I will say this about prayer…cover your selection process with it because it is more difficult to release someone on your team that to make the correct choice in the first place.  As John Maxwell says, those closest to you will determine your level of your success.

For the Mentoree:  Kudos to you for seeking out a mentor.  This shows me that you are a growing leader who wants to have a great impact as you continue to become all that God wants you to be.  When you ask someone you don’t know to mentor you I suggest that you meet for a casual coffee or lunch.  It does not take long to determine if there is a connection.  Don’t take it personal if there is not a chemistry.  God has someone better for you to learn from.

Anyone want to share their story about the importance of selection?

Most of us in leadership will attribute who we are today to a variety of sources such as God, family, church, experience and mentoring relationships.  In my own life I am very grateful for many types of mentors that God brought into my life.   

Today is the intro for guidelines to great mentoring.  Not all mentoring relationships work out well.  Sometimes you both expect more than what happens.  Sometimes it drifts off and never finishes.  If we are not aware of some good guidelines the mentoring relationship can disappoint.  Often a mentor does not know what to do to repair it or improve it.  In the next 10 posts I want to share The 10 Commandments of Mentoring that I have learned about in the past 25 years.  I look forward to hearing from  you and what you have learned about this valuable topic.

 I continue to receive requests for the April article posted in The Pastor’s Coach by Injoy.  At your request I am making it available on this blog.  Thanks so much for recommending it to others.  At your request….

 Yesterday Todd, the boys and I went to the South Jersey Shore for the day.  We had a great family time.  Todd and I spent time lounging in beach chairs watching the boys have the time of their lives on boogie boards in the surf.  After the beach we walked around the boardwalk, ate dinner at  Chik Filet and then got home around 8PM.  It was a much needed break.  Having the boys out of school is great accountability for a reformed workaholic. 

One of the first lessons a mentor taught me as a woman in leadership is that with every great strength comes great weakness.  Often if a person has a passion for Jesus along with gifting to lead they will have a temptation to be a workaholic.   This was certainly true of my life as a single woman and a young married woman.  Having children was the best antidote for my workaholism.  God used my love for Matthew and Aaron as a motivation to get this area of my life in order.  But just as an alcoholic will forever need to watch himself around alcohol, a ministry workaholic will need to be careful as well. 

How does one become a ministry workaholic?  Every situation can be unique.  For me personally it was a journey.  After becoming a Christian I had a passion for Jesus.  Soon thereafter I noticed a passion for His Word.  Then it was a passion for the Great Commission and ministry. This is not all bad but somehow my passion for ministry got bigger than my passion for Jesus. It happens.  Got a whole message on how we fall into that but let’s take another time to discuss it.

5 ways I broke the workaholic cycle:

1.  Conviction of this sin.  Realizing I was passing this on to others was good for me.

2.  Confession & acknowledgement.  This enabled me to see that choosing to live a balanced life would enable me to be more effective in ministry.

3.  Digging up the root of WHY.  Until I did this I never had victory. 

4.  Passion for Jesus greater any other passion

5.  Accountability.  Spouse and children are the best to call me on this.

How about you?  Have you struggled with this?  Would love to hear your journey of how you overcame it.

I was the first one to smell smoke as we were sitting in our family room last Friday evening around 10pm.  It was that electrical burning kind of smell.  Have you ever smelled your hair dryer as it was about to burn out?  That is what each of us began to smell.  Our kitchen and family room is a large area and we could not find the source of the smell.  It was there even-though we could not see it.  We decided to call 911 and request that the fire department send over 1 or 2 fireman in a car to check the house out.  We certainly did not want to go to bed with the chance of an electrical fire at hand. The two men in a car did show up along with 5 siren & lights blaring firetrucks and what looked like 50 men running to our front door.  I couldn’t believe all the fuss over our little request for help from 1 or 2 fireman.  It was very impressive to say the least.  This was our first experience with NYC’s finest. We certainly got a powerful response from just picking up the phone and calling 911.

As a leader we have the power of God available to us.  It’s called prayer.  All great leaders for God have fashioned their leadership in the wrestling’s of their prayer closets.  It is prayer that releases God’s power.  You can be great in your plans, great for your opinions, great for your organization, great for your speaking, great for your writing or natural gifts.  However, as a leader you will never be great for God unless your leadership is plugged into the power source.  It is only by this power that anything of eternal value happens.  

I’ve learned that for me, Ephesians 6:18 means in addition to my morning quiet time with the Lord that I carry an attitude of awareness, dependence and listening throughout the day. 

As women in ministry we have a choice.  We can engage our call merely on our own strength, gifts and talents or we can draw upon the ultimate power available.  How are you doing?  Do you find the busyness of life as a women in ministry crowding our time for prayer?  It starts with you.  If you are a praying leader your ministry will be one of prayer.

Today is the first day of summer vacation break from school.  Whoo Hoo!  My boys are sooooooooooo excited! Matthew and Aaron love living near the beach. They have purchased the suntan location, flip flops, swimming goggles, swim trunks, beach towels and have the beach bags packed.  They are excited about the endless adventures of summer.  The summer clothes have been pulled out and they have joined the summer reading for youth at the NYC Public Library.  Matthew and Aaron have done this for years and can’t wait to get the prizes every two weeks  after reading books they choose.  The boys are eager to romp around the city. There are so many exciting, fun and free things to do right where we live. They are ready, eager and know that every day is going to be a GREAT day.  Even kicking back and hanging out at home is going to be awesome. They really don’t doubt this for a second.  As I was reflecting on Jeremiah 29:11 after writing it on a card for someone the Lord whispered in my ear…Do you wake up every morning like this?  Excited, busting with anticipation for what I have for you each day? Do you see each and every moment  as an ultimate adventure?  I want you to. Because I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”   Remember that “I am with you, I will quiet you with my love, I will rejoice over you with singing.”  Zephaniah 3:17   Now this is something to wake up excited about.

Have you ever thought about how our definition of words define how we think about things?  Today I was thinking once again about the 7 types of mentors and how important it is to define the function of each before we seek one out.  An equipping mentor is probably the easiest to describe.  Webster defines equip as to make ready, instruct or provide what is needed.  The equipper is very, very practical.  Equipping is not a theory but is the nuts and bolts, the how to. A person who will train you in ministry is equipping you.  Have you had someone train you to share your faith, speak, write, teach, disciple another?  Many of you reading this blog are equippers.  You help others to have a personal ministry by equipping them.  Do you train others to lead small groups?  Do you train people to lead worship?  Do you train a women’s leadership team to minister?  If you do these things you are an equipper.

Because we have blind spots it’s helpful to have a mentor like this in your life.  An equipper mentor will help fine tune the leader’s skills to minister.  How about you?  Who are you equipping and who is helping you to be more effective in ministry?

My two children are 10 & 12.  This past week we have been (again) teaching them about doing the right thing regardless of how they feel.  We believe one of our greatest responsibilities is to teach them how to be character driven vs. emotional driven.  God continues to teach me about this principle.

Sometimes the greatest hindrance to following Jesus is not doing a bad thing but choosing a good thing over the right thing.  Living in Alabama in a neighborhood we loved was a good thing.  Loving your neighbors is a good thing. Life in Madison was comfortable.  Having good friends for years and family close by is a good thing.   Living near many great schools when you have children is a good thing.  But the right thing for us was giving it all up and risking it all by jumping into the fear of the unknown.  For us this was moving to NYC to church plant on Staten Island.

Maybe for you the right thing is going back to college, changing jobs, going to drug rehab, breaking up with that guy who does not love Jesus the way you do, or deciding not to divorce your husband and recommit to work through those tough issues.  Maybe the right thing is making the decision to get some professional counseling to help you overcome those “things” that keep coming up in your life.  Maybe it is setting boundaries with those people in your life that are are negative and tear you down.  Maybe doing the right thing for you is going to a different church, or a different ministry.   As long as we are alive God will lead us to make decisions that will move us in the direction he desires.  What has the Lord been nudging you to do?  Are you doing the right thing?

Several of you have been asking if I am well and what I have been up to. Thank you for asking. You may have noticed that I went from blogging 5 times a week to 2.  Currently I am in a temporary season of life where I am helping CrossBridge Community Church (www.CrossBridgeSI.com) set up their strategy, systems and process for developing passionate followers of Christ.  If you are familiar with “The Strength Finder” by Tom Rath you will understand that helping with this project is sharing my strengths of “Developer” and “Strategic.”   The launch of the church is the first Sunday of September but we meet with a core group every Sunday morning for Worship.  In fact the first membership class is tomorrow night.  Todd and I developed a membership class manual that we are very excited about.   We also tweaked the Life2Life Discipleship Notebook that we wrote last year by including two more lessons.  It is in the process of being printed.  We are aggressively seeking a place to hold our church services and the performing arts school. Life has been very full and good. 

Matthew and Aaron get out of school on June 11th.  I have been putting in massive hours while they are at school or in bed so that when they are out of school I can devote the time to them that they need.   This summer I hope to finish a book project I have been working on. I will also be traveling with the boys during the summer and taking advantage of fun things to do in the area….the NJ beach, Central Park, Museums and so many other things to do in the city. 

My next conference is in October in PA.  More details on that later.  Our admin assistant (not hired yet) will be in charge up updating the websites with current info. 

Thanks again for asking about me.  I am so encouraged to hear about your ministries and how God is working in and through you.   Thanks for sharing your life with mine.  You are a blessing!