DuAnneSeeley.com

My heart sank as our wonderful administrative assistant informed me she was moving out of NYC at the end of August.  I receive an email that our website designer is on vacation and we were expecting changes on our website complete this week.  The“Living  on Purpose Day Planner & Organizer” will not be ready for printing until sometime next week.  The boys and I planned to leave on a fun/ministry trip today but now it is uncertain when we can reschedule because of the missed deadline with the day planner.  We are still waiting for a lease contract for the church performing arts center .  Until this is signed and in our hands we cannot move forward with marketing the fall semester.  We had to adjust the dates of our new church Grand Opening.  All of this happened in one day, yesterday. 

As I open of my Bible during my quiet time with the Lord I meditate on Proverbs 31 before turning to Jeremiah where I am reading.  I camp at vs. 15.  This godly woman had servants!  Would love to apply this verse to my life!  Turning to Jeremiah 29 I immediately think how much I love this chapter.  Reading in a different version to give new insight I focus on this:

“I know what I’m doing.  I have it all planned out~plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.  When you call to me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen.  When you come looking for me you will find me.  Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.  I’ll turn things around for you.”  (Msg)

Many principles are in these verses but what the Holy Spirit impressed on my heart to pray was “Lord, make me flexible to adapt to change joyfully.” 

What about you?  What is the Lord teaching you about adapting to change?

The name of the day planner that I have developed for busy women involved in ministry is called “Living on Purpose Day Planner & Organizer.”   We have not yet come up with a cover design that we are excited about.  Any graphic art people out there with an idea?  I was thinking of just putting “Living on Purpose” on the front and then somewhere put “90 Day Planner& Organizer.”My name smaller print at the bottom as with a book you write.  Maybe the WIN logo.  I would love an idea from a blog reader!  I write but am not a graphic designer.  After this project I certainly have a new appreciation for you!

Each day has 2 work pages and includes a verse or a quote. Here is one of my favorite verses in the book…

“A good woman is hard to find, and worth more than diamonds.  She is up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing-her day.  And she always faces tomorrow with a smile.”  Proverbs 31 (Msg)

Here is an article that was suggested to me in regard to a previous post (5 Steps To The Healing Process)  on  ”Abusive Churches” which is long but worth the time it will take you to read.  Whether you are currently in a church like this, just resigned from one or counseling people with this experience you will want to keep this article as a resource.  Many thanks to the friend who shared  it!

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The most dangerous misperception a Christian can have is “it couldn’t happen to me.”  This blog could be filled with a year of posts of people I found myself counseling over the past several years who found themselves totally out of fellowship with the Lord.  Maybe still active in church or even serving as a Christian leader yet Isaiah 59:2 says “but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear.” 

The list of issues is endless but a few on my mind:

• Sex outside of marriage
• Addictions
• Insurmountable Debt (the kind not from unemployment but excessive spending)
• Divorce
• Broken Relationships (not resolved because of unresolved anger, unforgiveness or pride)

The reaction of surprise that most women express when they experience adultery or another sin that destroys lives is much like what happened to me when I was about 4 years old.  My mother was cleaning and had a bath tub filled with water she was mopping from.  She instructed me not to touch the water and left the room with her mop.  She returns to find my feet and lower legs wet with the dirty water.  When she asked why I had disobeyed her I responded “I was just walking by and my feet jumped in the water.” 

My desire is not to simplify the deep issues that tempt us to fall into destructive decisions but I want to tell you that it all starts with what seems like a little thing…not spending personal time with the Lord.  We miss a day and no one notices.  We miss a second day and then another until we tell ourselves we don’t have time.  I agree with Dr. Henry Blackaby who said “spending time with the Lord is not a scheduling problem but a love problem.”  We seem to forget that he is the one our heart longs for.  He is the only one who can meet the deep longings of our heart.  But as we fall away it’s like the old song that says “looking for love in all the wrong places.” 

It you are reading this post as a leader involved in ministry to others beware.  You can direct a women’s ministry and even attract lots of numbers, but your house is being built upon the sand not the rock.  Eventually you will come crashing down in one way or another.  Everything we do needs to be from an overflow of our personal walk with the Lord.  The speed of the leader is always the speed of the gang.  You reproduce what you are not what you say.  I have done ministry in the flesh and there is such a huge difference. 

My time with the Lord empowers me to do everything, even love my husband and children.  How are you doing in your quiet time with the Lord?  How is the Lord speaking to you thru the Word?  Are you keeping short accounts with God and others?  How is your passion for Christ?  Are you struggling with this?  Have you overcome this issue before?  Would love to hear from you.  It may help someone else who is where you once were.

Lately I have been getting emails asking where I am, what I am doing and why the “Schedule & Events” at my website is empty.  Though I did address this in May I will respond again per your request.  My children are 10 and 12.  When they are out of school I spend more time with them.  We build all the memories we can just being together.  I do work (CrossBridge Church) but at home and around my time with them. Early morning and late at night I get the most done.  I have also just developed a 90 Day Planner/Organizer for busy women who want to live with purpose and priorities.  Very excited about this.  If you want to receive a PR card with info about it and how to order just email me your name/address.  I have also been working on another book about living in a community of grace. 

In regard to WIN events, the October 2008 - September 2009 schedule should be updated by the end of August.  Todd and I have a new administrative assistant who is helping us to get on top of the admin load but she is only part time.  Because I teach others about the importance of living out your priorities I am very motivated to accept that our websites are not going to be updated as quickly as I would like. 

Life is great, exciting and full.  I am not ill but thank you for asking!

My heart sank as I listened to Jane (name changed) at Denny’s that morning.  She was a married Christian woman who claimed to love God yet she was having an affair with a married Christian man.  What started out as a “Christian friendship” was now a full blown affair.  She wanted advice but admitted she wanted to leave her husband for the man if he was willing to leave his wife.  I pushed my breakfast aside and gazed directly into her eyes.  With the urgency of the situation I felt the strong and direct approach would speak most to her heart.  Here is a short summary statement of what I shared…”Jane, if you are not whole in your own right then all of your relationships will be an attempt to complete yourself.  This man will never make you feel whole. Satan has lied to you and made you think he can but he can’t, it’s impossible. You have been looking for something only Christ can give…completeness.”

“…in Him you have been made complete…” Col. 2:10 NASV

“…you have everything when  you have Christ…” Col. 2:10 LB

“…you have been given fullness in Christ…”  Col. 2:10 NIV

“…So you are also complete through your union with Christ.”  Col. 2:10 NLT

“…your own completeness is realized in him…” Col. 2:10 Phillips

Are you whole?  If not then all of your relationships will be an attempt to complete yourself.

A Christian woman called for advice.  She was warm, intelligent and actively involved in her church. She was married with children.  She was having an adulterous affair with another Christian man.  How does this happen?  I can’t go into a 4 hour counseling session on this post but the bottom line is before the affair she thought about it months before crossing the line into an emotional and physical relationship.  She  often thought about her disappointment with with not feeling cherished by her husband.  She thought about her disappointment with where she was in her life. She thought about many other things and eventually she begin fantasizing  about the husband of a close friend.  Two years into the affair she is caught and wants help in how to save her marriage and handle the crisis.

Someone once said that what you think about you bring about.  Scripture itself says “as a man thinks so he is.”  What do you think about before you go to sleep at night?  What is the first thing on your mind when you wake?  What do you think about during that drive to work?  While doing housework? 

If you fill your mind with the right thoughts it will be amazing what you can accomplish.  What have you been filling your mind with lately?  This week?  What are you reading?  What are you watching on television? 

“This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it.  For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.”  Joshua 1:8

My last post was on steps to encourage healing.  Today I want to share a few good resources that can help in the healing process.

 1.  “The Emotionally Healthy Church” by Peter Scazzero

2.  “Boundaries” by Dr. Townsend

3.  “Overcoming The Dark Side of Leadership” by Gary McIntosh

4.  “Abusive Churches” is an article by Dr. Pat Zuckerman that you can google.

5.  “ A Tale of Three Kings.”  by Gene Edwards

What would you add to this list?

Have you ever been deeply hurt by another Christian?  Unless you live alone on the island of Figi you probably have.  Sometimes pain caused by another is intentional but most of the time it is not. We are all sinners and make mistakes and most don’t desire to cause pain to others.  Today I want to talk about the rare kind of pain that is intentional.  The hurt may be by an individiual, by a group of people or it may even be by an unhealthy church. 

Todd and I are very fortunate in that the many churches we have attended or ministered at, 99% were healthy, Bible teaching, loved God and people.  But we have been around the block enough to know that there are some dysfunctional churches around and if that were not so there would not be so many books, articles and websites on this topic. 

In the last year my husband and I have had more than a few people call us to seek counsel in dealing with their pain and in search of healing.  Here are 4 steps in the healing process that God uses…

1.  Listening ear and support of a godly person  - Sometimes just having another person who will listen and offer emotonal support makes a huge difference.  We are made for fellowship and being heard by someone who can listen, give objective godly counsel, and be there in the crisis is huge.

2.  Prayer - Individual prayer before the Lord, praying with another or a small group and praying corporately with a church is very powerful.  Sometimes going to a church prayer meeting where you are new is extra helpful.  It is amazing how the Holy Spirit can speak to people how to pray for you without them even knowing the situation. 

3.  Consistent time with the Lord in His Word - If we listen God will speak words of truth.  Psalms is a great place for healing.  The Lord is the great physician and without a daily devotional time in Scripture the healing process will be delayed.

4.  Time - Growth takes time.  Healing takes time.  How long it takes depends on many factors.  Though I agree that forgiveness is a choice, sometimes working through the anger, hurt and forgiveness takes time.  Steps 1-3 will help speed up the process.  If you get stuck and do not seem to be moving through the healing process, maybe consider a professional grief counselor.  Make sure the counselor has the qualifications you want. 

In time we will see how the Lord uses pain to bring about His purpose in our lives.  I have learned that joy is not the absence of pain but joy is the presence of God.

5.  Biblical Confrontation - Last but not least is Biblical confrontation. This is listed last for a reason.  I don’t think Matthew 18 should be done in anger and sometimes it is.  Don’t forget that the purpose of confrontation is restoration.  This can be a final chapter in the healing process if the offender allows it.  As I said earlier, 99% of the churches Todd and I have been in have encouraged and supported the application of Matthew 18.  But there is that that 1% that believes Matthew 18 does not apply to Pastors, Elders or other Christains in positions of authority.  Unfortunately those who have this view most likeky never graduated from seminary or lack accountability for their actions to others.

This is my list.  What would you add to it?  Tomorrow I would like to list some good resources for people who are in this painful situation. 

Yesterday morning after having a nightmare my child came into our room. Todd usually gets up around 5 to spend time with the Lord so I was alone, I invited my son to climb up into our bed to talk.  He shared details of the bad dream and I comforted. As I was about to get up he said ‘just awhile longer.”  We spent some time just talking about life, living in NYC, his future and just sharng thoughts.  It was good.

There is a great deal of honor in being someone a child can confide in, someone they want to talk to.  The day may come, sooner than I realize, when I’ll long to know what is going on in their lives, they may close the door and seek other listening ears.  By lingering with them now they will hopefully learn to share their hearts and problem solve.  They will also learn that my door is always open to them.  That they are a priority over sleep, ministry, housework, other people and any other relationship or job that we have.  This is what a family is.  My prayer is that their memories of childhood will be a strong foundation that God will build on. 

Thank you son for sharing your heart just awhile longer.