DuAnneSeeley.com

My children often hear me teach about a window of opportunity.  Sometimes a window is open but then it will be shut. Sometimes forever. An opportunity is good chance or occasion to advance in some way.  We are all given windows of opportunity in a variety of areas.  We have a window of opportunity to develop a strong marriage. There are ministry windows. There is a window of time that we can develop a relationship with our children and one day that window will be shut. There is a window with our parents, family and friends that will one day be closed.  There are career windows and education windows. Windows of opportunity to mend relationships. Opportunities to share Christ with someone. There are also special opportunities for spiritual growth or mentoring that will be closed.  I have missed opportunities in life and I have taken opportunities. Once I was given the opportunity for a free education at Dartmouth.  I didn’t take it. There have been other opportunities given to me that I am so grateful I accepted….Bible studies, volunteer opportunities, church internships, staff opportunities, relationships, mentoring by incredible people, seminary, marriage, time with my children, ministry, etc.  Are you facing a window of opportunity at this time in your life?  Don’t delay that decision too long or the window may be closed….forever.

I’ve often wondered what it is about Grand Central that I love so much. I wondered if it was how “grand” the terminal is, the wide variety of good food, the excellent coffee or Junior’s which was voted best cheesecake in NYC.  Yesterday as I was running through the terminal to catch a train it hit me. I love all the mass of people that are going after their dreams.  I love the determination of people who have vision and goals. I like people with passion and focus. Met a man yesterday from the Caribbean who recently moved to NYC.  I asked him What do you love most about NYC?  He replied that he came here to live out his dream.  When I asked him how that was going he said Great. He was hired to apprentice for his dream job under the owner of his dream company.  I’m happy for him. He took a risk and moved to a huge city with a dream and determination. He decided it would be better to risk and fail than never to try at all.  This man represents what I see when I am in Grand Central.  What dream is planted deep in your heart?  If someone could help you achieve it would you go after it?

I love Valentine’s Day. Before marriage I would speak to women about God’s love for us being the greatest love of all.  I enjoy sharing what Scripture teaches us about love…God loves us with an everlasting love. He has drawn us with loving kindness.  His lovingkindness is great toward us.  Love covers all transgressions. Love is from God. Keep yourselves in the love of God. Etc. We were born with a desire to be loved. Satan has extorted this desire.  Only God can satisfy this longing to be loved with perfect love. Many times I hear women say they hate Valentine’s Day if they are currently not in a relationship.  The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful husband and I am so grateful.  All you single women out there need to know the truth…no matter how awesome your spouse is, God is the only one who can satisfy that longing for the deepest love.  If you look to a husband or romantic interest to fill that need you will always be disappointed.  When I was single I learned a great lesson from Margaret Maxwell, wife of John Maxwell.  During Q&A at a conference someone asked her:  Does John make you happy?  Her immediate response was “No.  That is not his job.”  Wow.  Straight forward. Simple. True.

I have thought about having this on my tombstone:  DuAnne Seeley ~ Loved By God.  

The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior.  He will exult over you with joy. He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over  you with shouts of joy.  Zephaniah 3:17

Genuine regard for people is not something that can be faked. People can not only sense your true sincerity, but they can only be fooled for so long before your actions will expose you.  Manipulation means causing others to act for a perceived benefit, though temporary, for  the manipulator.  The ultimate cost of manipulative tactics is an eventual decline in morale, growth and productivity.  If a pastor leads this way it is only a matter of time before the church will begin to decline. Most pastors do not lead by manipulation but unfortunately Todd and I have seen it in churches we have been consultants for. It is seen where there is no real accountability for the pastor who really views the church as belonging to him vs. the people.  Usually a church with this DNA is family run and controlled by a charismatic leader who is fearful of losing what he feels rightfully belongs to him.  He may have a board who “votes” on issues but he manipulates the folks who vote.  If they rock the boat of his desires they are quickly replace with another.  A pastor like this is often strong at attracting people but the back door is wide open where people are constantly leaving.  In desperation to grow he may hire consultants but the bottom line is that unless there is repentance and change his “empire” is going to crumble.

Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.  Psalm 127:1

Negative words will cause children to lose the sense of value that God has placed within them.  A child’s self-image will be destroyed if they continually hear negative words spoken to them. And with those negative words, a door can open for insecurity and inferiority.  I speak with adults today who are still suffering as a result of the negative words spoken to them as children.  A blessing is not a blessing until it is spoken.  Who can you bless today with your words?

When Matthew turned 13 last October I allowed him to join FaceBook.  Our church had recently talked Todd and I into joining and Matthew was excited about  this social networking tool.  We explained the rules carefully…only people that we know personally can be accepted as friends.  In the beginning his only friends were family, our church and pastors that we know around the country. Then it expanded to kids from his school in Alabama, neighbors, other people in fulltime ministry or just folks we knew from churches where we had ministered. For a while we were quite pleased that he was reading from some great folks…people who were passionate followers of Christ. Personally I have enjoyed catching up with folks I have known and seeing how the Lord has been working in their lives. I loved FaceBook!  I also loved the closer connection with folks in our church.  Wow! This is so great!

In no time at all kids his current school found out he was on FB and requested to be friends.  Matthew has always been shy and introverted and he was happy that so many kids wanted to be “friends” with him. Every day he had multiple friend requests and his number skyrocketed to 150 friends.  What also grew was the time I needed to monitor his FB.  When I go on his FB I view the info page of each friend, postings and what their friends post. My reaction was soon shock and then it was a Help Lord prayer.  So many of these kids indicated on their info page that they attended a Christian school, were believers and loved God.  Yet their postings were the opposite of what one would expect…ungodly language and behavior.  Written out for everyone to see were curse words, talk about sex, disrespect toward parents and teachers, cyber bullying to other kids, etc.  The kids were even bold enough to curse at my son and write hateful language on his wall.  During this 2 week period that I was awakened to the full reality of the situation my son was in, one of the kids talked my son into giving her his password.  I can’t believe he did it but he trusted her to help him out with something. What she did was go into his address list and choose about 15 people at random to post obscene messages to. The people chosen were a few from our church and other pastors.  All of this happened within a 2 week period.  Todd and I quickly went into damage control mode and contacted each person to share what had happened.  We also sat Matthew down and gave him an ultimatum…disengage the whole FB site or block every kid that was a bad influence. We also explained why we had made this decision. He chose to block 58 kids.

Matthew was allowed to keep some friends from school.  Those that post typical teen stuff about school, movies, pets, sports, family night, etc.  It is back to being a more wholesome site but I still monitor it.  And he was allowed to keep all of his friends from Alabama.

Do not be misled, bad company corrupts good character.  I Corinthians 15:33

As adults, we can profoundly influence the direction of children by the words we say to them.  With our words, we have the ability to mold and shape the future of anyone over whom we have influence. And each of us has influence over people.  Last weekend my family watched an excellent movie called Gifted Hands, the story of Ben Carson.  Ben was in middle school and classmates and even teachers communicated that he was dumb and a loser. He believed them and the result was report cards with D’s and F’s.  He believed the words he heard and his self image plummeted.  He was an angry kid. Most of us know that hurt is the root of anger. Negative words will destroy a person quicker than you can imagine.  You cannot speak negatively about someone and expect them to reach their potential.  The scripture reminds us that with our words we can bless people or we can curse them.  The mother of Ben Carson saw the impact of his environment and relocated him.  She began to speak words of truth to her son.  Today Ben is considered the best pediatric neurosurgeon in the world.  The power of words.

There are few books that I read a second time but Leadership Gold is one of them.  At the beginning of the year I think about my personal growth and development and write down a plan for the year.  This book is on my list for 2009 even though I read it last year when it first came out. As I read LG a second time I will write down discussion questions to use with people I am coaching.  I have also added this book to my Deborah’s Women curriculum.  This is a group of growing leaders that I mentor for 12 months. We meet once a month as a group and on occasion one-to-one.  Emerging leaders will love the foundation that Leadership Gold provides.  Experienced leaders will love gleaning from a leader who has trained more than 2 million leaders worldwide. I love learning from a leadership expert who loves Jesus.

Last night we were crossing 7th Avenue to have dinner with a potential staff member at the world famous Carnegie Deli.  As I am rushing across to avoid being hit by cars something happened in my leg which hindered me from getting to the other side.  The middle of a street is never a place to stop but especially in Manhattan!  I did make it without being hit but not without injury.  I limped with excruciating pain all around the city, to the subway, to the ferry and home. Today I am in pain with a pulled muscle and disappointed that I had to cancel some great stuff that was on my schedule for the next few days.  What bums me out is I believe this injury could have been avoided if I had been faithful at stretching and exercise the past 8 weeks.

This experience makes me think about the cost of letting other priorities slip in addition to health….spiritual disciplines, time with spouse, children, family, friendships, getting out of debt, saving for the future, investing in education, going after your dreams and living out your purpose. So I asked myself a question this morning, am I doing what I should be?  The consequences have already been decided, you simply make a decision regarding the cost.

I believe it was Mark Twain who once said The only person who likes to change is a wet baby. It does seem to be human nature to resist change that we are not convinced will be better. The greater our need or circumstances, the more open we are to change.  President Obama ran on the slogan Change We Can Believe In. The current financial situation helped this idea resonate with the people.  People want this to change.  But what about when things are good but can be better?  In this case people usually cling to great and miss the greater.  Why do people resist change?

1.  Fear of the unknown.  People feel more secure with the familiar.

2.  Lack of exposure to success.

3.   People are usually satisfied with the status quo.

4.  People assume that the implementation of a change will require an additional commitment of time in an already jam packed schedule.

5.  Fear that needs will not be met with the change.

6.  Concern over compromise.  They fear adopting a change will involve giving up something they feel is important.

7.  Insufficient information concerning the change.

8.  Negative past experiences with change.

9.  Lack of confidence.

10.  Spiritual apathy.

11.  Fear of failure.

12.  Concern that the change will result in a new set of problems.

When we resist change we limit the wonderful that God wants to do.  Jeremiah 29:11-14 is a great passage of Scripture to use when praying about change.