Women are searching today as never before for fulfillment and purpose in life.  What can fill the deepest longings of a woman’s soul ?  Many answers are being given.  Where is a woman to find peace in a storm, joy in adversity or hope in pain and loss? 

At 22 years old I wrote out my vision for the next 25 years of  life. Though 90% of those goals and objectives came into being, it was not in those  dreams that my deepest needs were met.

What are a women’s deepest needs and how are they to be met?  Since God created the woman, he knows her deepest needs and He alone can meet them.

1.  A Woman Needs Love

If you have a husband he will never be able to provide you with the type of love your soul craves. When we look to a spouse to provide our deepest needs disappointment will fill the heart. Until this is clarified in a marriage both partners will feel an unrealistic pressure. For all you single ladies, not understanding this truth may put you on an endless quest to find something that does not exist. Though this blog today is for women, I feel compelled to say that the reason so many men such as Tiger Woods, Sanda Bullocks husband and even pastors have affairs is because they believe the lie that their current spouse is not meeting a deep need and they are desperately trying to fill it, even at the risk of losing someone they love.  In the case of a pastor, he may have an affair at the risk of losing everything. 

God alone can provide unconditional, self-sacrificial love, a love that has her highest good in view.  The Bible tells us: “This is the kind of love we are talking about–not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God.”  When we turn to someone or something to fill that deep longing we will never be satisfied longterm.

2.  A Woman Needs Security

Often a woman’s security is based on financial stability, her husband,m or her own success in the world. All these things can change.  God never changes.  “He is the same yesterday, today, yes and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).  He alone can give true stability and security. 

I used to think my security was solid as a rock. As a single person my course was focused.  I was single minded and purpose driven.  Then I got married.  In 16+ years of marriage we have moved 8 times.  In March of 2009 when we returned to our home in Madison I was excited.  It felt so good to be in a familiar place and see people I had known for years. I like that I can go anywhere I desire in 5-10 minutes.  Though the ministry experiernce of NYC was a good one I didn’t miss the traffic or the high crime rate.  I like that I don’t have to lock my door to feel safe.  After returning home I began to say I will never, never, never leave Madison again.  It wasn’t long before God began to tell me that my security cannot be in a place and that he wants my willingness to go anywhere, do anything at anytime.  So now we are praying about another move which will be #9. 

3.  A Woman Needs Peace

In a world full of changes, pressures and problems, where can a woman find inner peace?  Only Jesus can provide inner peace regardless of outward circumstances.  Through Him we can have peace with God.  “I am leaving you with a gift–peace of mind and heart!  And the peace I give isn’t fragile like the peace the world gives.  So don’t be troubled or afraid”  (John 14:27).

Last week I had some medical testing done.  When I focused on God and his word I felt peace.  When I spent time on WebMD I felt anxious.  I admit I am a recovering MFO (medical freak out).  Worry and anxiety are the opposite of trusting God.  Sometimes I can’t believe the Lord is still teaching me this lesson. So basic yet at times difficult for me to apply.

4.  A Woman Needs Purpose

God didn’t make one mold for all women. He has a unique plan, full of meaning and purpose for each of us–a purpose in life suited for our own special gifts and abilities, in the sphere of of His will and according to His word.  “Listen to God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.”  (Proverbs 3:6).

When you know your purpose you can live your priorities with passion and become the person God desires you to be.  This is what I call living on purpose.

5.  A Woman Needs a Sense of Personal Worth and Dignity

The world attributes worth to beauty, intelligence, talent or position in life.  The Bible says “…man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (I Samuel 16:7).  Our worth in His eyes is based on the character of our life and the qualities that he develops as we commit our life to Him. 

All the needs a woman has cannot truly be met, in the deepest sense, unless her greatest need is met, and that is…

6.  A Right Relationship With God

The Bible says that because of Adam’s sin in the garden, a right relationship with God was broken.  Thus, we are all born sinners.  “But I was born a sinner, yes, from the moment my mother conceived me” (Psalm 51:5).  “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”  “The wages of sin is death” (Romans 3:23; 6:23)

Because God is holy, He cannot have a relationship with sinful men and women. “Who can stand before the Lord, this Holy God?”  (I Samuel 6:20).  For in His sight no one living is righteous (Romans 3:20).

Many think a right relationship with God comes by trying to please Him, by doing good things for others, by going to church, or just believing that He lived.  The Bible says that “whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all” (James 2:10).  The Bible also says that all our good works are as filthy rags to Him (Isaiah 64:6).  no one can be good enough to please God.  His standard is perfection.  The only one good enough to please God was Jesus Christ.  He came to earth and perfectly kept God’s law; then as a perfect substitute, He died on the cross to pay the price sinners owed God for their sin (I Peter 3:10).

Maybe you’ve heard these things all yor life and perhaps you believe them to be true.  But hearing these things and believing they are true does not give you a right relationship with God. 

First, you must recognize your sin and confess to Him that you are a sinner, separated from Him and destined for hell (Luke 18:13).

Second, you must repent from your sins (Acts 17:30), that is “hate and forsake them because they are displeasing to God.”

Third, you must realize Christ alone was able by His death to satisfy God’s justice and pay for our sins.  Through Him only can you be forgiven and saved from your sin (I Timothy 2:5-6)

Fourth, you must receive Christ as He is, the Lord of your life.  Believe in Him from the heart to save you from your sins and commit yourself to Him as Lord to follow all the days of your life (Romans 10:13).

It is not until I committed my life to Christ that the deepest needs of my heart were met.  In Him alone and in His purpose for my life is true peace and joy.

If you will repent of your sin and give your life to Him, you will know the true forgiveness, peace with God, true joy and eternal life (John 3:16; John 10:10).

How Can You Know For Certain That You Are A Christian?

Slowly but surely there will be changes in your life, because the Bible says that when one is in Christ “he is a new creation” (2 Corinthians 5:17).  You will begin to love God and His word.  You will begin to love God  and His word.  You will love His people and His church.  You will have a heart and desire for communion with Him in prayer.  You will begin to hate sin and desire to please Him ( I John 2:3-4).

You can know that your greatest need is met is you have truly trusted Christ from the heart.  As you grow in your relationship with Him, he will meet all of the other needs of your life (Matthew 6:33).  “He will never leave you or forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).  In Him you will find the living water and you will never tirst again (John 4:14).  Heaven will be your eternal home (John 14:2-3).

If you made the decision to trust Christ today as your Lord and Savior I encourage you to tell someone else what you have done. 

Lord, I pray for any woman who may have prayed to you today and ask that as you draw them to yourself they would be filled with your peace and love. 

I read a study once that said the majority of people that can change their health, marriage, relationships or finances are unwilling to do what it takes to do so.  Ouch!  This is also true in our spiritual lives. 

BC (before children) I was able to invest in my life in a way that reaped remarkable benefits. It was like choosing an incredible stock that continued to climb every day.  I was able to prioritize  spending a half day with God every single week.  Every Monday I would go to a small prayer chapel (always empty) or a remote place on the beach.  Sometimes our student ministry would try to organize spending a day alone with God. We would gather as a group on campus, the beach or a park and then disperse. After 4 hours or so we would meet with our brown bag lunch and share about our time with the Lord.  For many years I would spend 7-10 days with the Lord during the Christmas break and go up to Arrowhead Springs, CCC headquarters.  It was usually pretty empty at that time and I had a room and grounds pretty much to myself.  During summer break I would take 2 weeks and go somewhere.  Usually took about 10-12 books with me. The first week was spent unwinding from finishing out a busy school year of working 60+ hour weeks.  The second week I was more prepared to pray, read His Word and listen.  This investment in my relationship with the Lord…the daily devotion time, the half day every Monday, the monthly day with the Lord, the week at Christmas break and the two weeks in summer….was life changing. 

I can imagine what many of you are thinking. Who has that kind of job flexibility? You’re right. At that time in my life I made my own schedule and was very fortunate to have that kind of freedom.  Most of you probably can’t make that type of investment. No longer can I.  We have demanding jobs with certain hours, children that need to be taken care of  and a family to serve.  But I still believe it is possible to change our lives in one day.  Here is how…

Spend a daily time with God. God wants a relationship with us. For those of you married, can you imagine what your marriage would be like if you rarely if ever spent time with your spouse?  It would be cold and distant. A marriage without time is a disconnected marriage.  Start with just 10 minutes then work your way up to 30-45 minutes alone with God. 

Spend a half day with God.  This may seem impossible but with some creativity it can be done.  It is amazing what 3-4 hours with the Lord can do to you. Try to schedule this. What about when the kids go off to school?  If you work weekdays what about the weekend?  Get up early on a Saturday and leave.  If that doesn’t work what about a Sunday?  What about letting your family go to church and then out to lunch while you have a half day with the Lord somewhere.

Spend 24 hours with God.  This can be more of a challenge with a busy family but it can be done. Do you ever go on an overnight for a retreat or conference? Consider doing this somewhere by yourself. It can be a powerful time in your life and that of your family. 

I read a tweet recently that said something like When we close the Bible God closes his mouth. When we open the Bible God opens his mouth.  We can’t live out Jeremiah 29:11 without spending time alone with God.  No matter how good a church is, it is not the number one way for spiritual growth. Nor is listening to a pastor speak. Spiritual growth comes from personal time with God.

“Everyone has the power to impact the outcome of his life.  The way to do it is to focus on today.  Today is the only time you have. It’s too late for yesterday. And you can’t depend o tomorrow.”  ~ John C. Maxwell

My next post will discuss creative ways to spend your devotional time with God .

By Pastor Perry Noble

If you want to build a great church then go after the people that no one else wants!  That’s what Jesus did…and because of that we are included in HIS Kingdom.  Quite often something will happen in our church that will remind me that, though we are far from perfect, we are going after the people that I believe Jesus would have gone after…

So…the other day in our children’s area this happened…

A first time visitor (probably around 9 or 10 years old) walked into our 4th-5th grade room in KidSpring at our Anderson campus and was BLOWN away!

He looked at the children’s worker who met him at the door, and, after looking around the room he said, “you guys have a wii?”

“Yep,” she said.

“And you guys have a PSIII?” he said!

“Yes sir, we sure do,” she replied.

“And we can play these for free?”  He asked.

“Yep,” she answered.

Then he turned to his friend and said out loud, “This Sh_t is awesome!”

Now I am quite sure that makes some of you very uncomfortable; after all, you don’t want the cussing kids coming into church and messing up your perfect child.

However…after hearing this story from one of our children’s staff I was INCREDIBLY pumped up because I thought, “THAT is why we do church!”  I know many churches would not want a kid like that…but we do because HE MATTERS TO JESUS…even though his behavior is not perfect!

Here is what I know about that kid…

• He was greeted by children’s workers that made it a point to learn his name.
• He was treated like he was special, not like an outcast.
• He was NOT taken to the bathroom where his mouth was washed out with soap; in fact, he wasn’t even rebuked.  (Why in the world does the church expect those who do not know Christ to act as if they do?  It is the most ridiculous/stupid idea!!!)
• He was placed into an environment where he was taught the Scriptures.
• He was placed into an environment where he was taught about Jesus.
• He was placed into an environment where people went the extra mile to make sure the presentation was on his level.
• He matters to God; therefore, he matters to us…and we are going to continually do all that we can to reach him.

Church is not a place for “perfect people.”  (And BEWARE of the church where you go and EVERYONE seems perfect!!!)  It’s a place where the broken, the lonely, the addicted, and the struggling can go.

I love the fact that this kid came to our church…didn’t pretend to be someone he was not…and was STILL accepted and heard about Jesus.

The church has GOT to STOP placing expectations on people as soon as they walk in the door…

We are NOT a country club…we are a church!!!

And for those who look down on those who are “not as good as you,” remember that you were once like them (see I Corinthians 6:9-11 and Ephesians 2:1-5)…and were it not for God’s AMAZING grace…you would STILL be lost.

• People who cuss should be welcome at church…
• So should those who smell like smoke…
• So should those who smell like alcohol…
• So should those who do whatever sin you do not do…

When we get into the business of placing stipulations as to who can and cannot come to a service based on a morality code (OR a dress code) we have COMPLETELY lost sight of why Jesus came and died on a cross.

Like I said, hearing the story of that kid made my day!!!  It’s why we do what we do…and it is my prayer that he eventually receives Christ, fixes his eyes on Jesus…and grows up to do AMAZING things in HIS name…all because there was a church that allowed him to come in as he was…and then begged God to not let him stay that way but rather to bring about the change HE desired in HIS time.

I love a new year.  What better time is there to regroup, learn and make changes that are needed?  I’ve never been huge on resolutions but I am a believer in growth and listening to God. Here are some of the questions I use to evaluate my life every year between Christmas and the New Year.  By the way, this can be done anytime you feel the need.

• Are there any patterns that have been recurring?
• What seems to be the main theme of what God has been teaching me?
• What lessons have I learned?
• Am I starting the year clean?  Anything God wants me to confess?
• What  is on God’s heart for me?  What burden has he given me?
• How am I going to live out his purpose for me?

These are some of the questions I journal.  Can you add any others to this list?

Here are the top ten blog posts of 2009.  They were determined by number of hits and ties were broken by your personal votes. Thanks to my readers this site has had over 20,000 hits.

TOP 10 POSTS OF 2009

10.  Are You On Fire For God

 9.   #1 Question To Ask If Your Church Is Declining

8.  The #1 Job Of A Spiritual Leader

7.  The Temptation To Be Spectacular

6.  I Quench The Holy Spirit

5.  Why I Resigned

4.  Developing A Youth Ministry That Will Impact Culture

3.  The Danger Of Leadership Privileges

2.  Please Shut Up And Resign

1.  Top 10 Lessons We Should Learn From A Fallen Pastor

There were several that missed being in the Top Ten by less than 10 points….

• Ten Things The Church Does That Scares The Crap Out Of Me
• Ministry Ain’t For Sissies
• Grand Central
• Conversations With My 13 Year Old Son
• Why Do People Resist Change
• God Wants Your Church To Grow
• God Has Not Forgotten You
• The Danger Of Spiritual Weeds

May you have a blessed Christmas and a wonderful New Year! 

On January 2nd I will post the top ten posts of 2009. This is determined by the number of hits and also your vote.  If you want to vote on your favorite posts leave a comment here or email me at dseeley@winfluence.org.

For several days I have been thinking about this post. I realize that some will not like it. Some may think I lack understanding or compassion. That’s okay. The purpose of my writing has never been to gain public approval but to share my experience, heart and truth as I see it.

Every year at this time I listen to so many share about the stress they are under. Instead of “tis the season to be jolly” I hear folks grumble and complain about many things. When I ask for clarification of the stress this is what I hear most often…

·         “I have so much shopping to do”  Have you considered shopping online? Most stores offer good sales and free shipping. You can do all of  your shopping in one evening.  Have you considered giving less gifts?  What about giving to a needy charity in the recipient’s name? What about planning ahead?  Consider shopping months in advance and then putting it in a closet. I had 90% of my shopping done by November 27^th. 

·         “I have so many parties to attend.”  I love parties. But if parties are stressing you out don’t go. Is anyone holding a gun to your head threatening to shoot if your absent? Will the party cancel if you’re not there?  Could you go for just one  hour? 

·         “More school activities.”  Okay. You can’t cancel these but I will suggest that you enjoy them. Christmas with your children is a short amount of time in your life. While you complain about it now one day it will probably be looked on as one of the greatest highlights in your life. Just sayin.

·         “More church activities.”  You don’t have to sign up for everything or attend everything. Remember that these are also great opportunities for building memories with your family.

·         “The cooking.”  I enjoy all the holiday cooking but realize that some of you don’t.  I saw “The Blind Side” recently and loved the part where the father told the kids to thank their mom for purchasing the Thanksgiving dinner!  Laughed at loud at that one.  Buy it or make it simple. I know one family that has taco salad every Christmas Eve. Todd’s grandmother used to make at least 20 different types of Christmas cookies every single year until the day she died at 88. Her secret? Baking and freezing. 

·         “The Christmas cards.”  P-L-E-A-S-E.  Who says you have to mail out cards?  Consider doing it online. Do it every other year or don’t do it at all. Consider a January Happy New Year card.

• “I’m broke and don’t have any money to spend.”  Everyone knows we are in a recession.  Do you have to give gifts?  If you have young children that is a different story but we have been in that situation as people in full time ministry living on a tight budget.  I remember one year that Todd took a part time job at Costco to earn money for gifts for the boys. It was tough. It was humbling for a college graduate to push carts in the cold and rain with teenagers but he was grateful for the job and saw it is God’s provision.  It amazes me to hear unemployed folks say they would never do a particular job because they think it is beneaththem. I once heard a girl say she would NEVER  hostess or waitress. People like that have much to learn about life. I have the highest respect for a friend, Darica Smith, who rented a home with me in San Diego. She is very intelligent, graduate of UCSD and working on her masters degree at the time she got engaged. She worked full time at the VA and made the decision to get a 2nd job at McDonalds to pay off some debt and save some money for her wedding expenses. I have never forgotten that and have told the story to my kids.  I know folks today that need income that would never even consider that.

I don’t want to close without sharing some holiday stress that does grieve and touch my heart deeply…

·         A family that lost their home with no place to go due to unemployment.

·         A missionary family that is struggling due to lack of financial support.

·         The McRaefamily in Phoenix who is in the hospital with their 5 year old, Kate, undergoing chemo due to brain cancer.

·         The family who is grieving the loss of a loved one this Christmas.  

·         The mother who is fighting cancer so that she can be around for her children.

·         The parent’s with the rebellious child who is wondering if they will be spending Christmas together.

·         The man who just found out his wife is having an adulterous affair. 

·         The children who were told their parents are getting a divorce.

·         The woman struggling with depression 

• The family with a son incarcerated.
• The person struggling with addiction.

Have you listened to folks talk about holiday stress this year?  What would you add to this list?  Do you feel stress today?  Would love your thoughts.

Laughed hysterically as someone recently shared with me about a hike she took with her husband. Not being the outdoor type she had no desire to spend her day this way.  But it was his birthday request so how could she say no? She expected a walk through the woods on a clear and even path. They could chat along the way, hold hands and enjoy the beautiful scenery.  Not exactly what happened.  It was very rough at times. Treacherous terrain. No clear and even path. It was exhausting. She even got bruised and cut up along the way. At times she had to hold on to branches to keep from falling downhill.  The only words out of her mouth were Oh God, please help me.

Do you ever feel like your life is like this? I do. You long for an easy path yet that is not what you are on. It’s difficult and tiring. You have been bruised and cut up. Sometimes you fall.  You feel exhausted. You long for an easier path that others appear to be on.  You wonder how long it will take to get to the other side.

Jesus is aware of the path. In fact he is right there with you.  He walks beside you. He understands. He will lead you. He will carry you through.

Are you tired?  Worn out? Burned out on religion?  Come to me.  Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me ~ watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.     – Matthew 11:28-30 The Msg

(Written by Dr. Tim Elmore)

Losing My Religion by Dr. Tim Elmore

I met with my friend, Andy Stanley, last month to catch up on life. He mentioned a book he’d just finished called, “Losing My Religion.” It was written by a Los Angeles Times journalist who had lost his faith in God. To summarize, he had begun a spiritual pilgrimage and in response, he wanted to research churches of every kind and write about them. Along the way–he saw terrible atrocities. He discovered all kinds of unethical and immoral behavior by priests and just good “religious” folks, and couldn’t stomach it any more. His book turned out very different than the one he intended to write. He wasn’t angry with God–he just couldn’t find him any more.

Today, I met with a long-time mentor of mine, Keith Drury. We talked about this and he shared some wisdom with me on the issue. In fact, he shed light on disillusionment of any kind. He told me a discovery he and his son had made some years ago about people who become disillusioned about faith, about marriage, about people…you name it. It can be summarized in one sentence: 

“You cannot be disillusioned about anything unless you are first illusioned.”

It’s so simple we miss it. Only when I have illusions of what should be; only when I possess expectations of something or someone can I be disappointed in them. Someone who gets disillusioned with God or their career or their family–or anything–and decides to give up on them usually does so because they have an assumption of what should have happened. An expectation of perfection or an ideal model. Then, when that model doesn’t appear, they are miffed. Disappointment sets in. Anger emerges. Then, bitterness and resentment and often a desire for revenge. I meet people all the time who are unhappy and disillusioned with their job, with marriage, with God, or with people in general…and they’ve checked out.

Can I tell you what I’ve learned over the years? I must cling to hope, but I must have no illusions about life. It is hard. People let you down. Plans rarely turn out exactly the way we imagined them to turn out. Further, when I enter situations knowing life is difficult–I never experience disillusionment. When someone does something nice, I am grateful. When a bonus comes in for me, I treat it as just that. A bonus. It’s above what I expected. I work because it is right. I love because it makes life work. I trust in God not just because it is a phrase on our coins but because I have good reason to have faith. I equip people to be leaders because I know that, even though they’re far from perfect, they possess some good inside of them that must be nurtured and utilized to influence the world. But I must work to keep it real.

How about you? Have you gotten depressed over an issue? Are you struggling with disappointment? Have you given up on something or someone?

Have no illusions, and you’ll won’t be disillusioned.

Dr. Tim Elmore

People influence us.  Once I heard someone say they can accurately predict the future of someone by seeing who they hang with.  Our friend Dr. David Babb told Todd and I that if there are two kids who are friends and hang out together, one good and one bad, the good one will always sink down to the level of the “bad” kid.  Every time.  I like what John Maxwell teachers about this:  The five most important people in your life will determine your level of success in life.

Jesus’ call to people was not complex.  He simply said, Come, Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.  (Mark 1:17)  Over and over, to all kinds of people, in many different situations, He said Follow Me.  The core definition of a Christian is one who trusts and follows Jesus.  Jesus was (and is) the ultimate transformer.

His followers had a single priority (to seek first His kingdom) and a single loyalty (to himself).  He called people to be with him and to go for him. Just being with him was a transforming relationship.  To develop their faith he tested them. He wanted them to learn that the secret of knowing God and doing his will was not in learning routines, imitating his style or doing good things in their own strength but in faith.  The result of being with Jesus is transformation.

Who do you hang with? Who are the five most important people in your life? Who or what is transforming you?